Hahaha I read my old posts and I can even tear lol. What a weakling!!!
K mention at times that "You need to be stronger!"
And I recall, havent I always been strong? Very strong in fact. But ever since I got attached, I became more vulnerable cos I started to rely on someone else. :X
Today we went to the Esplanade roof! It was the place I frequented after O levels many many times. Sometimes alone. Usually with one other friend, to do much deep reflections of a young adult. My emo friend (sometimes L) and my emo self would wallow and come to terms with the difficulties most of the time. Today, I stared at the same scene and felt the same pride towards the SG nightscape that I have marvelled at countless nights when I was young.
Yet I couldnt settle down to be in the moment. I have never sat in silence so long with K before. It felt different. A little awkward. A little self conscious. A little intruded. Its weird to feel this way, but I didnt feel comfortable.
But K said that he had enjoyed the night scene with me. I still doubt he knows exactly what runs through my neurons.
Sometimes when I have negative thoughts, I cannot tell him too cos he said that he feels stressed by my feedback and negativity at times. But if I do not voice my true-blue emotions, then whats the point of having a life partner? If I keep my thoughts to myself, I confine myself and eventually, I wont even share anything with you anymore. That's how I think I function.
Anyway. I think that its normal to feel intruded in that moment because I've never shared that moment with anyone else since those days.
Actually, I have been very afraid and worried, recently. I dare not think, so I go along...
Ha-ha. Just saying.
*ay.starsplash*
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