things-go-wrong-one-after-another-kind-of-day

This week, I walked my month's worth of exercise accumulated from marking the entire month. Just walked on and on.
Then the thought crossed my mind how it would feel if one doesnt talk. Actually, oddly, it felt quite surreal / serene? Haha idk how exactly to describe. Not having to know whether your thoughts would affect others or how others might think of you... sometimes phrasing words or working out a conversation itself is complicated. I think of students with selective mutism... probably its alright...? Crazy you. Im scared that I'll be reprimanded for saying this. And then I imagine a specific situation where I might experience this personally and how devastating it may be to relationships.

Today, I was quiet for long because I couldnt come to terms with one issue after another. Its like things-go-wrong-one-after-another-kind-of-day. Accompanied by my sadness or sulkiness and tears.

I was told that I harp too long over trivial matters.

I am a difficult person to deal with especially for my emotional needs. On the surface i am easy going but once you know me well enough, you require a certain High level of EQ, patience and empathy to decipher me.

Today I tried but i was unhappy for half a day and the fact that I Cannot and Do Not Know how to make myself feel better, made me cry in despair. I thought of the places I could go to, or the things that I can do... but I think crying it out was the best solution. However, crying renders me so tired and emotionally drained. And goldfish eyes.

Sometimes I feel that I have so many problems, Im terrible.

Nonsensical thoughts, worries and whirlwind of emotions, do I still share them? What if its too much to handle? Then I would end up blogging about it...

I have messed up hormones.

I feel lousy today.