The day before sch reopens

What a day and time for self-reflections.
I realised, actually all along, that I have developed many complexes. And they have all become much pronounced over the years since I have started work.
For instance, I cry much more frequently and easily. As though I have become weakened. I rmb back while schooling I was amazed with my emotional stubbornness. But these days in recent years, I cry so much more. A little trigger can cook up a cauldron of negativity which oozes tears.

I become envious of others. I need not become like them. But I just feel envious. Is it a crime to feel so? I always insist that envy is differrnt from jealousy.
If something makes me envious, I wish to have it too. So much so that it might make me upset and worried and self-conscious and disappointed that I dont have it thus I get all sorts of emotions that I cant handle.
I chose to avoid the situation. I would rather not hear of it, not know of it, not be bothered by it, keep me in the dark for all you want so that I am not affected by it.
To clarify, its not mere material privileges that Im referring to. It could be something as simple as words, relationships with one another, workloads, family, love, quality time... et cetera.

I think that jealousy has an evil connotation to it... perhaps like "i must get it else i will..." something unpleasant.

When I start to become envious of someone else, I feel like Im running away. Masking my eyes. Covering my ears. I really dont want to know what you have achieved. What your experiences are. Do you call this selfishness?
Why would I let something affect me? - Keep me in the dark.

Lastly, is my inability to handle my emotions. I could get affected or upset for the entire day or more than 24 hours. I cant get out of it. I was told to snap out of it and control my emotions. You think so easy? So I just let myself roil and wallow in my negativity for as long till I feel better.
For example, if I become affected suddenly, I wanna get out of the situation and run home immediately. I can no longer meaningfully engage in any other activities as
I MUST HEAD HOME right there and then in order to feel slightly better. Is this what you call a need to change in the environment? Or the strong desire to cancel a date as I know the entire date would have me being gloomy and unhappy which always turns out as I have expected.

While brushing teeth, i reflected upon all these.
Is it I am special needs?
But I have never learnt of such a term for my conditions. Does a term even exist?

Im a difficult person to handle.
Oftentimes I ask myself why K would love me so much.
My parents dont know i have these complexities. But I think honestly, after starting work and being attached at the same time, so so many new situations that I have encountered on top of those that I have been trying to cope with...
I cannot handle them. :(