CB woes

Hi, its been a long time.
This is the Circuit Breaker period. Life is boring, nothing much has changed, or rather, much adaptations had to be in place. Suppressed feelings, tolerance, ignorance.

Today, I have been emo-ed for too many a days, so I decided to blog.
Firstly, I shall change back my blog link to same old ay-starsplash.blogspot.com
I miss this link, I myself cant even remember my new link, which I had to change to as some students started stalking me (out of curiosity and thrill). Why should I bend my decisions just because of them, outsiders?

So, the trouble weighing me down is that of my parents. These days, I wonder why couples choose not to be divorced and instead still live together, but not acknowledging one's presence. Isn't it pathetic? But perhaps the proceedings of a divorce is too much of a hassle. People just live with it. I asked myself why my parents hadn't gone their separate ways. They are already living their separate lives, so why not? Mum can go live with Yi Ma. Dad can survive alone, with a little inconvenience of food and housework chores. K said that they will be sad and lonely.

Dad made some financial decisions that mum and I did not agree on. I didn't talk to dad because he doesn't listen to us. Turn a deaf year to both of us. He only listens to outsiders. So, I wrote dad a letter. WROTE A LETTER CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. But alas, to no avail, as dad went on to take action of his own accord without our knowledge and discussions. That shouldn't be what a member of a family does. Mum is super disappointed and have GIVEN UP HOPE. AY has tried alright.

Today, Dad and Mum had another tiff. Mum is inflexible and stubborn and insists her way. Mum is petty too. She cannot be offended. That, I have tasted my own just desserts by retorting her. Mum must be always right because, Mum is very smart and kiasi and too cautious. Dad knows that whatever he does, we will correct him and so, he decided no longer to share with us. We are like 3 different entities living in 1 big house. Me, as the common linkage. What happens once I get married and shift out? Should I delay the wedding? I'm so troubled.

Also today, Dad went out without informing, he texted later on to say that he has gone for a walk. On hindsight, if dad didn't go for a walk, would be become depressive? Is this cabin fever? Would people take drastic actions when they eventually cannot take it anymore? Would he commit foolish sins outside?

On the other hand, mum is bored to death. She cooks daily and is so sick of it. Sick of tidying up the house, feeding us all, incessantly. Nothing to do, no one to share ideas with except me, whom she has already shared everything with.

K said that they need companionship and need to learn to depend on each other. HOW. How are they gonna depend on each other? They cant even stand each other. Cannot stand the actions, cannot stand the nagging, cannot stand the dirt, cannot stand the habits and behaviors. Whoa its an ultimate miracle to come true.

Perhaps things will return to the norm once CB is over, when dad and myself return to work. But hold on, dad is gonna retire and has to be put on no-pay leave. Wont they have to face each other more often? Oh manz.

Mum did mention in the past that the adults will resolve their own issues, and I need not be too bothered by these. But since mum has given up, she passed me the role to investigate the 'on-goings' of dad's financial proceedings. I thought I was innocent? You thought wrong. You are a part of this family and you ought to do something.

Today, dad went out for a walk cos he was too cooped up, full of angst and animosity and loneliness. Mum had me to lean on for support.
Me, same typical routine, too bored so I exercised my time away (1 hour + today). Everyday.

K shared that we should be grateful for each other, as there are other families that live in fear and torment and sufferings worse than we do. Yes, I understand. But how do my parents see from this perspective, after 62 years of their lives living the same old way.

Do you think a grandchild will liven up the atmosphere at AY's home?
Haiz. that will have to wait.
I don't know what else.

Everyday, my eyes can suddenly just well with tears and then I swallow them all back in. Its so torturous isn't it, realising or regretting marrying someone many many years down the road. Luckily their decision yielded a good gift, which is AY.

I hope that I am good enough for them. And that K doesn't change the way he is and will be.

End of AY's CB chronicles.