사람들의 삶이 재미있죠? 궁금하는데 비밀이 많군요.
I begin to learn about my new friends. As usual, AY thinks alot over situations and issues. I think I might have some complex when I am in a big group. I am so silent in the backdrop people take special effort to get me to speak up. But I have no experience in their topic of conversation to chip in. What do I do?
On the topic of living on campus, Girl A said that she would stay in hall till she finds a house. I asked why do you need to find a house? and she replied that she has come of age hence it was time to move out! Boy B added that if he could move out, he would have done so immediately. What did the two of them mean??? :(
Was something wrong at home that they prefer to live outside? Was something not going well hence one has had to study overseas, to escape it all? Then we talked about exorbitant housing rental costs and they concluded that it was, the cost of independence.
I am still perplexed by their desires. Cos they had stopped elaboration at that. We do not probe. I imply from your recounts of your mum that you have a very traditional Chinese family. Was the Asian authoritative upbringing too much for you? Does your extrovert behavior have a related underlying reason? Somehow Im inclined to think this way. However, You could very well belong to a really happy family and all my speculations are nonsense. Could you let me read your minds so that I can stop pondering?
Does the fact that I lack the know-how to play mahjong render myself being ousted from the crowd? Haha. Its a common debate for youths about fitting in. Yet, my inability to do so rendered me so insignificant when a gigantic portion of the dinner with my groupmates went on about mahjong and jokes. and I merely smiled. No. This is not the real AY you are looking at. Talking about chinese names (apparently cos several ppl in my group are chinese teachers), B asked what my chinese name was and called me by that. It was. Unusual.
There was a time back in secondary school when the moment i opened my mouth to recite a chinese passage, the entire class burst out laughing. It was a horrendous stumbling block for me which I had overcome. I begin to speak in Mandarin to people who feel more comfortable with speaking it. I learnt that I needed the language to communicate with neighbourhood school kids. I needed to pick up their lingo, not necessary in Chinese. Oh, I digressed.
Take time to interact with me. Lets begin with trust. Not meaningless small talks to get things moving in a group. I feel awkward. but I think thats my personal problem to have to manage.
AY is, just this way.
I think Im tired.
My korean opening sentence reads "People's lives are so interesting, arent they? I am so curious. But there are too many secrets to be kept."
Time. We need time.
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