"Oh, you are Anna. You are my Star Student".

That phrase emanated with hope yea? When the TA from the previous semester remembers me and remembers my perfect grades for the assignments done last semester and with him marking my assignments again this sem.
It seemed so hopeful, I feel I could revive it again. But do you realise that the previous sem has already ended, and this sem is already different.
Even if I am still chasing after intangible things in this semester which is already ending, its a different sem and I cannot encourage myself for you to hold that high a hope in me again.
His sentence has stuck in my head all day long. It means alot.
I wished to explain to you how much it means on FB - the happiness or reminiscence, or simply how that sentence has connected with the previous AY who fantasized over stars. Stars hat twinkle with hope and wink at you. I hope you would look at that sentence and ponder over how AY would see read into it. It struck a deep chord within me, of all emotions streaming out.

Nonetheless, it was a very prominent conviction that I have done it before, I have SHONE. Shone Brightly. He told my senior recently only, that I was the best Geog student in that module last sem. Im glad I have never known about it last sem, so I wouldnt have been carried away by pride. Last sem I remember complaining too, like I always do, Im sorry. But I have shone! Im amazed with Myself.
This sem is horrid. I hate school so much. Its the kind of feeling like a dread going to school. After school I recall and I feel utterly drained, unsure of what had occurred in the day. And simply thinking so, my eye might well and my nose squirm. Its like the on-set of a depression phase. I dont hate the compounds of school, I dont hate my major. I fear the attitudes in school, the NON-stop, the Hidings, the drive for the best of the best, that everything we do had to have a goal. I miss the times I could enjoy learning, without concerns for grades and relationships with people. I would enjoy learning so much much more. Exploring my geographical world, learning hangeul, transcending boundaries into Korean Kpop culture.
I wanna escape into KPOP world. In school, I would walk along the corridors in FASS oblivious to the streams of people zooming past me in the opposite direction, with this thought in mind to escape to Kpop world. I reminisc about my Korean friends back home. It not about the K culture, Its simply about escapance. I desperately wanna escape from NUS to go on SEP. I dont know how I'll adapt back to school again next year. Bottled up words within is suffocating me, choking up at my throat.
It feels horrible.
Although tomorrow, fridays are my free day, I hate school so much that I have declared Thursday nights as the end of the week. It has to end earlier, faster.
Will God lead my family back on track, even if the people involved do nothing to change themselves?
I do not know, and I desire to know. Because if it is possible, I'll do anything for my family to get back on track, towards the ideal notion of a family.
I'll sacrifice alot for that. Im prepared to.
I need to speak to people.
nothing much above induced my tears, except for the last 4 sentences, of this post.

Star Student, ay.