Yesterday
It was Friendship Day. But nothing significant of sort of commemoration and thanksgiving to Friesnds occurred. Like the cold heartless Grounds of NY... maybe nothing of these seems worthy enough anymore. No, not in NY. Not when i counted down to the last moment i could rush home from school.
For so long
I have not looked forward to such a day. One single day when i was trully happy, no amount of school work might pull me down. As it draws closer, hinting me the days are fleeting. and tomorrow shall be a better day - nearer to my happy day. and after all these while, its still the gatherings with Greenies that make things right. Even though we pathetically get smaller and smaller. as we drift. and people have new commitments. Priorities, Distance. Even though as we sat at Chompchomp, and spoke no more... At least here, we still are. Please stay.
Beloved Alma Mater Dear.
Today, i sunk into a repetiton i have done for 4 years. It was when i boarded the bus obliviously in my own space, i embarked on the familiar route to school. where i beheld that stint of arrogance and confidence, turning the Familiar BEND towards the main gate. The icecream lady is still there. hoping to earn afew more pennies from the sultry weather. SIX years, she been standing beneath the shade of the canopy, watching the world go by. Was it satisfaction, when she could make the students smile? She is still there, today.
I forgot
There was a side gate to shcool. i feel. I forgot how to enter school. Strolling by the security guards who are ever so jovial about their jobs. Unlike NY guards. A guardhouse so secluded i overlook its existence completely.
Its ironic.
I know where i belong, and what that has bred me into what i have become. AMKSS and GirlGuides. But within, its merely an empty shell... Standing at the foyer, it feels nothing, but an empty shell, because nothing belongs to you anymore. No one familiar, just an empty shelter where you search aimlessly for something you could identify with. The walls and every pillar. Nothings is the same anymore. As we laugh about the same incident, and same story, its still there, we have come to a standstill; and we dont know how to proceed. I feel i was spacing within an empty shell.
I avoided you. I've read your blog. and it makes me scared. Its a feeling others will not experience. If, i havent known, i wouldnt have been this paranoid. If you cannot move on, we can never be friends. Its getting overboard, i'm sick of it. this is a pressure i feel you are still enforcing upon me. Its been far too old. Memories fade. Emotions die. What more, if it has never been there? You have known it.
Today
i dressed up. properly at least. A personica? Someone saw. i have sorta halted this play due to my hectic schedule.but if you could fix this jigsaw togther, you might realise the significance...
Do not worry, PUMPKIN friend, I wont do such a foolish thing to chase after a fantasy, because I TRUST YOU! :)
pile me with more work, then i'd stop daydreaming... haha...
I need to study very HARD.
I need it badly.

ay.starsplash.