Its when i realised how fragile this relationship was.
There was no trust between us.
When mum claimed she had kept my pair of socks from the bamboo pole...
I couldnt take it in, because i wondered if she was merely trying to cover up for herself...
when 1 side of my sock might just have been flushed down the gully hole, or carried with the wind...
maybe i will never know the truth.
but it has erupted. my temper and fury, something i didnt control
when something so trivial happened to my new sock.
yeah, its just a sock. But it did mean somthing to me after all.
like i planned to buy it, my own money, for a purpose...
you just said you would pay me back the 3 bucks. but that hint of reluctance and i-did-nothing-wrong attitude was... overwhelming for me.
You blamed me for being utterly rude and unappreciative for all you have done! :(
mum, its a different issue.
how you take my SOCK so lightly it meant nothing to you.
anger cannot be consumed in a split moment.
even when you left, i feel the building up of anguish pushing against my chest.
but there was no point anymore.
because the confusion now, and the loneliness i might expereience for the coming days, will fill my tummy - to the brim.
and me taking an excuse to study every moment sitting there.
You always use this to spike me, to shoot me with.
i dont want it either...
are you appreciative of the hardwork i put in?
even though knowledge sometimes never gets materialised in my mind, i tried so hard.
why do you always blame me for studying?
...
mummy.

I know i'm still wrong.
but i'm certain words and music is what calms me down and protects me.
when i forgot the meaning of love.
It makes me stronger, for a moment.