dear Bloggy
i havent had the luxury to blog for a long long time... like. so many many thoughts streams through that stuffed mind, but i gotta push all of them to the very rears of my mind... that's so sad :( i feel like Everything.. just seem to have stripped me of my ability to express.. how words forgot to make its magic anymore. You know the consequences? of not penning down every single emotion you experience, you become a heartless person, and take things for granted, you forget what a simple kindness and beauty in life is.

These few daysrunning round a lot, it has been a great eye opener in the outside world, like @ sentosa with J1s, apart from the few walls that enclose Ny...
where i witnessed the beauty of many people, and disregarded the rest.
This is me. if you are nice to me, i would be nice to you. If you do not deserve my respect for, i 'll put you out of my sight, and i will not relate to you ever again.
I have imprinted in memory how the few arrogant OGLs and Student Councillors have marred their own righteous image. how they might have felt superior to the rest of nyjcians they became oblivious to their own ugly behaviors.
Yet.
Now i've known who the nice people are. Strangers whom you might have never spoken a word to, miraculously striked up a conversation with you... people around you who sacrificed a little, just to help make things right. Those who made an effort. :)
chunfui.april.vivian.stephanie.ita.peixin.susan.xinhui.randy.and many many mnay other new friends!!! These are some of the councillors i would have smiled to when i passby, again... my ReD Cross pals whom i cannot express my gratitude enough, they deserve a reward real big. The new friends i have made - through my Friends.
I'm disillusioned by the extreme cases of people who exist... its like a black splotch on a white paper.
I'm touched by my class too. 0802! we all sit together now, occupyng the entire canteen table!:)
i'm touched by this happy scene today,
hanquan (a quiet shy guy in my class) was like asking if there were new chem notes just when the bell has gone... and desmond was complaing " why just now you dont go photostat now then you ask!!! blah blah!!!!...... aiya you go go photostat.... i take your bag for you!!!!" aint that sweet!!!!!! omg!!!! it was like he was taking care of hanquan like a lil' brother!!!! , when hanquan always seemed to eb left out... ah... that's so sweet! see, there's beauty in my classmates! :)

It cant be helped. How overtime one's 'devils-within-them' are eventually rudely awakened. Probably time reveals one's true colours.. (but no difference for me, i have always been fierce! haha!) i choose to be oblivious. some people think they are the best! but deep within, i shun away from them. i dont understand why some people would just doubt the sincerity of another...
It aint true.
These all aint true.

i havent been great either.
I have just upset my Friend Guanyi, by backing out of a gathering he has organised for our clique on Valentines Day. Yes, its Vday. yet the crucial time is drawing near for all the tests and whatsoever I'm going bonkers. How many fatigued days i've sufferred in school, on the verge of my head collapsing yet there's nothing i could do to alleviate those excalating pressures than to sleep. I'm so guilty he got so upset today, because the girls planned to back out. A part of me blamed him for not understanding - that we are in J2, but he is having orientation games.. But but. what i have done isnt it just a replica of the bxxx who adopted the practice - one dont go, all dont go - gang? But i cant do that. He is our Great friend, GREAT YIR. My Good Friend.
We'll make up for it soon. after this month, i promise.

Do you realise the hype about Vday is so much stronger this year? probably because i'm already in J2, big already LOL... but. isnt it just another day for.. ahem.. 'guai' people like me and myfriends? we would be studying hard on that day. Concentrating. Yet people around me are asking what plans do i have... No plans. :) and i'm fine with that... :) i dont know what's the big surprise they get when they hear - "NO PLans!!! but its VDAY!!!" well, i guess i havent learnt how important that day is yet.. haha... its a complicated day i must say... XD
Greeny's yearly gathering on 12.10.2007 is so much more significant!!!!

yesterday's CCA bazaar, i put in every ounce of my efforts. I recited my script for like 50 times, promoting red Cross to individual groups of people.. the other red crossers didnt know what to say... so i did the talking wholly.. omg!!! i can memorise it without having a script now la.. so much so that i'm so familiar with it i rattled on like a bullet train i guess the poor j1s' ears must have been contorted by my squeaky, rapid ramblings... i pulled in 21 people! I'm proud of that!!! yesterday, i was desperate for 20 names, my target.. but when it reached 20, i aint happy. because other CCAs got 40 over...
my rc pal susan told me: we dont compare with others!!!!!
See? the greed in me is never satiated.
I wish to tell you. That this whole year that i've helmed red cross, every moment was in a blur, i dont know if i've done right or wrong, just that i'm P, i got to do it. Its my first time taking complete hold. Give me a chance, let me learn. Even if no one else is willing, i cannot let it fall. I got to know everything that's going on. know more than any other. Yet i must crdit my faithful pals susan, peixin, xinhui, stephanie ita and angie whom i always turn to when i need manpower. These are the people i respect. i treat them as leaders. i'm grateful that despite the small numbers of committed members i've got, they put in so much effort to help me to make every event a success.. I'll write each of them a precious note when nearing step down. and i might cry.

YEAH!!! ist thurdsay!! i've slept and rested, i'll start studying and catching up on all my backlog tonight, tmr ( no school!!!!) and the weekend!!!:) jiayou!!!


happy Valentine's DAY FRIENDS!!!!!!!
if this day is significant to you! haha!


LOVE; AY.STARSPLASH <3
today - one glimpse.