i somehow want to say yet i dont want.
okay, nvm...
my primary school friends are also in NYJC.
i wonder how the quiet and demure Elyssa, with so much etiquette and culture and decorum as i see her in primary 6 has become so Wild, laughing so loudly in school at the top of her voice before entering the toilet, all because of something stupid her Male friend has done... i mean...
why is she doing that to attract so VERY much attention? why do intelligent girls, like her, from cedar talk so loudly, to show off WHAT? their language and style?
i no longer know her... we used to write letters to each other in our notebooks for over a year... we used to know so much of each other... now, we just force a smile when we brush past each other.
i'm just disillusioned.
everytime i see her, everyday i see teh shadow of MY friend, i wished she didnt see me, taht i didnt know her, so we would not feel awkward seeing each other.
i wished she were my stranger.
that's my selfishness.

and people keep going in groups for many activites... sometimes i just want to leave them and go home. i dont want to spend these money, yet once again, i might be the wet blanket to destroy everything they were so excited with, so i just go along.
how many times can i escape form them?
that i'm just a stingy hermit who throws a wet blanket many atimes.

nobody has said that of me, ever.
no one has ever said it to me.
is it a neutral compliment? or a praise?
maybe i once wished i lived my life in silence, taht no one would know me, know who i am.
now, at watsons and at school.
there's talks involving me.
be it good or bad.
Its me.
some part of me feels harrassed, taht i cant keep my life confidential...
that what i ahve been doing all along has SUCCEEDED, taht i have attracted attention to myself, my secluded lone ly life. that now some part of me wished i were just a being.

that time in the hall i was sitting in front and i just shouted out my answer because it was a a simple questiona nd the teacher was asking for an answer a hundred and 1 times. so i just shouted out the answer, and she announced my name and held the mike to my mouth for me to explain my answer.
i felt so proud of myself. so proud of the girlguides spirit in me to volunteer, to seize the chance, to take the initiative. like i always say so and tell my friends in class - if i were sitting in front, i will volunteer my answer. and yes, i have done that.
yet i was so embarrassed of my VOICE after that! omg! the entire hall rang with my voice for an instant. you know my voice right... yup.

i have made good acquaintances with serene, teh st nick's girl in my OG. she's humble and nice. and i leant today that she says she will suddenly very high, then suddenly stay very quiet, like i have done so amny times in class 4/5. so i am not weird. taht peopel have their emotions, taht no one else will ever understand.

ay.starsplash.
some acquaintances will, might never appear again in a lifetime.