I feel mum will experience menopause sometime soon.
Her moodswing is worse than mine la, like the split ring commutator which changes the current direction every half revolution, or the pirate ship that swings 180 degrees.
i just listen and bear with it, telling myself - whatever... ...

today Randy BRO returned to cambodia, and stupid me feeling so sad now...
because there wont be anymore get togethers for our cliques anymore.
and my job begins this friday, so i cant sit around to watch the WORLD GO BY anymore.
and just now i just realised i havent visited CAUSEWAY POINT for so long!!!!
now, who can make it there with me?
Louisa is at camp, Surong is going genting and bangkok, Amanda is working, Aurina is working, Lam is working... and i'm also working, so i will only be free early in the mornings and after work and 1 free day per week...
i sorta regret going to work, MISSING OUT ON LIFE'S TREASURES ONCE MORE.
ONE wish which i have made to watch the world go by, and to see the colours in my life.
...
...
...
Somehow i feel mum doesnt like me playing like mad. I have already told her i will go CRAZY and WILD after olevels. and nowadays she just scolds me for creating a big heap of clothes all day to wash, and playing like mad, like catching during bbq at randy bro's house yesterday....... somehow i feel that its as though she cannot accept the fact that i emerged from my study world so soon to be so wild, compared to study daily the past few months... she's selfish(?)
somehow she cannot stand me playing so much.

yet there's so much i havent done and everything will be stalled yet again... this time until after A levels, A HIDEOUS CYCLE... as MONSY has said.


Yesterday at the bbq,
i wonder how THE DEVIL WITHIN PEOPLE CAN OVERTAKE a person's goodwill.
she can be so nice, yet why does she do that and refuse to help her friend a lil more even after i have explained why she cant hold onto it. and she ignored me.
i mean, cant you do this little bit for YOUR FRIEND? BUT yet she waited for me ALL the way till i finished washing the dishes for Randy. That's so sweet, but.... why did the devil overtake her before so, to make me so disappointed in her, for ONCE?
I used to be so conservative, not daring ppl to see the awful and shocking sight of me. but yesterday with all of them, i need not bother, because we accepted each other. I wasnt afraid of anyone there.
Maybe i am actually afraid of momo, but i still dont know why this monstrous hatred come and go. Maybe its jealousy, maybe its fear. but i need not Know anymore.

Mum talked to me while outside about faith in religion. and she said its better to have faith, something you can believe in, rather tahn being so independent and Living for myself like i have said. But... what can something, or maybe, nothing, Do for YOU? what if it never existed? Mum said not to challenge, no harm believeing, but what if its nothing we're praying for?
What if... miracles are coincodences?
Miracle that i was in class 2/5, miracle that i sat beside monsy... ...
aiya...
why cant we let nature take its course and not dream EMPTY dreams and wish for Pitless desires?
Humans are greedy, and desire to learn more using science.
I need not know the NEWTONS of gravity sticking my butt to the chair now...

Omg. so random.....
but i'm sad my friends are leaving, and i wont see them all for so long again.
and if they'd pop up to visit me at watsons bugis.
goodbye, randy and monsy...
enjoy yourself!
ay.starsplash.xlifeisrandomrandomx