I TRUDGED HOME.
My DEAREST Journal and My beloved Bloggy,
Yesterday was class 4/5's chalet. i was not a spoil sport yesterday, i WAS PROUD OF MYSELF! =) because i cycled for the second time and i succeeded!!! the first was with guides at east coast in sec 1 when ms lew taught us the noobs. now randy, choo xinyi, and lilan taught me despite my endless screamings! hahaha. and i... i can imagine how wild i looked rolling down the slope... no la, the bicycle wheels rolled down the slope, and then i somemore i stepped on the peddler so i went down the fearsome slope at triple speed!!!!!!! GOD!!!!!! crashed into the bushes. and my butt ACHES. and my Friend randy was so sweet he pulled me up the slope!!!! the one which i didnt have enough energy to peddle up to!!!! and his size enabled him to defy his own gravity..(haha), to cycle up and pull me along!!!! oh my god!!!!! how touched i was!!!!! that my friends like him and lilan never left me behind but always came back to wait for me and encourage me to cycle faster...(which was already the fastest i have cycled in my life.) thank you RANDY and LILAN.
and i granted monsy's promise to learn cycling. I KNOW HOW TO CYCLE ALREADY!!!!!!!!! =)=)=)!!!! it takes determination and confidence not forgetting friends encouragement and support to overcome a tiny feat like this in life.
i enjoyed myself yesterday.
i left mum's letter on the lable and then left the hpuse. i thought i wouldnt have any mood, but i guess she talked to me and everything shall be fine and i got to cherish these alst moments i have with my friends and my clique.
i played volleyball for the first time, really play, although i hit the air 10 000 times, till my right arm hurts now, and my shoulders are like roasted meat because i wore a balck sleeveless top. (ms lew says black is a good absorber of heat). haha then after momo gang came out of the pool, my clique's turn!!! haha. we wore our clothes in and the surong pushed me down the 2m deep end, when i dont know how to swim! i almost pulled down her shorts.
ahhhhhh!!! AURINA my goddess barbequed food for us!!!!!! GODDESS AURI!!!!! the corn so sweet and juicy i have never eaten before!!!! and i was so disappointed at 4/5's group of immature childish boys who maple day and night, didnt help the few girls to set up the table but ate and ate and then threw everything to there for the houseflies and went to play catching! oh man!!!!! grow up la!!!! and the i was complaining to randy and MY Goddess and then zaiyou, tommy, euhao and dont know who came back and they saw and they automatically cleared the tables!!!!! oh my god!!! i was so touched and they were so sweet!!!!!!!! SEE, MY 2/5 BOYS ARE SO RESPECTABLE. because we grew as a class. Surong said zaiyou changed his attitude. his whatever attitude la. and i chose to believe that its because of the letter i gave him on farewell assembly to highlight to him where he has gone wrong.
Louisa and i went to walk along the beach after dinner around 7 plus. It was peaceful. with farwawy points of light in the horizon. and i told her what happened between mum and i, and she told me her quarrell with mum. i have just made do with whatever i no longer seek that wish and we went back to chalet when people started looking for us. OOPs!
THE FEELING OF FEELING LIKE CRYING BUT YOU CANT CRY IS LIKE YOUR THROAT SUDDENLY GOING DRY AND YOU CONTROL YOURSELF SO HARD, JUST TO SWALLOW BACK THE TEARS, AND TO STRUGGLE TO PUSH THAT COLOURED SCENE OUT OF YOUR OWN MIND. ITS A TERRIBLE FEELING.
AND THE FEELING OF BEING DEVOID OF FEELINGS IS JUST SITTING THERE LISTENING TO THE MUSIC AND LETTING YOUR MIND DRIFT TO WHENEVER AND WHENEVER IT DESIRES. but even more special when someone sits with you.
last night i went to monsy's house to stay after chalet. i was wondering why? maybe because she cant fulfil that dream and wants to like substitute, or she just wants to spend the time together. but i will be emo and i guess she dont care. anyway, she wasnt like that like she thought she will. so, YOU werent emo to pull me back right? =) and we talked random stuffs about everyone. and. it wont happen again in my life with another friend. i know.
Its takes a person 1 1/2 years to KNOW who i am, 1 year to penetrate the shield.
and 2 years before separation.
and by the time it's too late i guess.
1200 hours to the past moment i thought and i cried.
maybe you didnt know.
but i said out everything that raced across my mind so that i will not regret anymore, when that one request is still pending and i regret not asking you last night.
but at monsy's house i felt safe and warm and mum's issue settled down temporarily and there was no awkwardness toward her mum. and just. that.
i couldnt sleep till 4 plus am.
but i dont care la. the moment was too precious than gold to lose. but.
then this way i should be glad i didnt attend grad night or i will be worse than this in not letting go of my friends. so i guess it was right.
and i said 'i am glad i have YOU and kianlam'.
this morning i read the poems and notes and i wondered if you'd remember what you wrote and they will still be true, when in JC, while i lie on my bed and recall, you will still remember.
stupid la you, write the:
and if i should ever......
.....
......
and that's if you remember.
dumbo la you.
make me close my eye to feel so lost EVERYTIME la!!! HUH!
byebye bloggy.
thank goodness i have my journal and my bloggy so i am not a lone kid.
i am glad i recovered from my sickness so i have known true friends.
that i accepted friendships again after her incident.
AY.STARSPLASH. it was the hug.
yet fulfilled.
do you realise?
and i'd never ever change my name. ay.starsplash
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