My mum is never one who sympathises with me and cajoles me when things fail to turn out right.
When I fell from biking and returned home with a badly scrapped knee, her ultimate sarcasm would have garnered a deathly glare (from me) if it had been any person out there. The ceaseless nagging and sarcasm such as "SERVE YOU RIGHT. So act-smart. Be smart will do. Dont act smart..." and goes on to blame my friends "dont hang out with this person anymore. Why did this person teach you such things..."
To some, as an only child - ME, this may seem like a pampering and caring mum worried for her precious child. But you are not me. You do not understand that I aint no spoilt child. This has been my mum's way of tough love, letting me learn my lessons the hard way. The way I am trained to be resilient and determined. and Confident of myself.
Today, I was hit by a huge bout of disappointment. A disappointment that almost made me tear up while at school (NIE). I have already informed my mentors of my interest in CCA when asked. More than once. Moreover, I wanted to be safe and took initiative to email the CCA head to reinstate my interest, in Scouts or NPCC. People tell me that these CCAs are tough and time-consuming. Asked me if there weren't other choices? But my reply has always been consistent. "It's Okay. I want it and I like it." I received no email reply. Then today the verdict was out. My friend texted me the verdict. That I was allocated GB. I dreaded GB. I really d r e a d e d it. I wanted out of the girl zone, being in girlguides for 4 years. I wanted to learn something new in NPCC. I wanted to join Scouts because its mixed gender! how cool they have girl scouts too. And to see them build bridge structures from wooden poles which I have never done before in girlguides.
But I was posted to GB. Someone else was unexpectedly allocated to NPCC. If, if there had been a vacancy in NPCC, and I had already indicated my interest, why was it that I have not been posted there? This very question makes me cry with angst and disappointment. As though all those numerous queries of interest have never been relayed at all. As if my responses were redundant. Then why bother asking me in the first place?
Yes, I would definitely learn something new in GB. But. My heart is not there. Not yet. I never wanted it. Things will never always go according to MY way. But I needed time to accept this. I'd eventually perform my duties to the best of my abilities. But. Why has this been so?
Could I say that, I feel, betrayed?
By what?
By my own stubborn beliefs, that is.
I whined my disappointments to mum. No, no empathy at all.
And I received a
"(you are) SO SPOILT!"
So do you still think that single children are pampered and well protected at home like a cocoon?
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