that day

That day,
my friend told me that she couldnt imagine me doing something (a job) that I said I'd love to do.  Then, I realized, once again that these people did not know me well. Instead of letting their words tear my confidence, maybe I should work towards those things that they cant imagine me capable of.  I asked why? and with a shrug, she replied that i just cannot imagine you doing this.
Recently, I have been walking too fast. Too fast home and to school.  I plug in and feel so bare and sad when I forgot to bring along my earphones one day.  It seems as though I have become jaded by the world at how fast paced things are moving.  I move with the crowd, towards my own hurried goals.  Its too tiring to chase so I plug in and shut out from the world.  I use in-ear plugs and I dont even look at the faces around me anymore.  How often in school I brush past shoulders of acquaintances and friends and missed initiating a HI! with them.  I hide from the crowd.  Crowds of people who do not know AY.  I never knew how to react to their witty comments being the introvert  that I am, so I smile it off.  I feel so drained amongst the intellectual them. But i did make efforts  to join different cliques for dinner. And I got to know others a tad better.  Albeit a teeny wee bit better but, its an accomplishment! :)  I realised how introverted I have become over the years in Uni till now.  Never been so 'anti-social' before. hmm... I ought to do something about it.
In school, my judgement is fairly spot-on.  I know who I could hang out with - and they make really some of the best pals I might have in NIE.  People who laugh along with me so easily, who works like me with similar goals, who understand where im coming from.  Some others have different ends in mind as compared to mine and I really cannot click with them.  I'll admit that I decided not to hang out with them.  Its a pressure trying to fit in, having to alter my responses, somehow, in order to protect myself.
Oh.  The world is so scary.
I hear stories about so many people. Good and the bad.  Despite being 1 in many many people around, stories spread and ... cloud one's perceptions. Stories like ink splashed onto clothes, they stain the reputation or rather, our impressions of a person. I listen to the politics. Is this called politics? Imagine the working world?
This side of humans is scary.

my friend asked me "why didnt you stop it/ say that its wrong/that you shouldnt be doing this?"
Last time, the righteous me would have spoken up.
But nowadays, I merely keep quiet. :(

Last night, I took time to chat with an old acquaintance of mine! We've lost contact for several years now, having progressed onto different paths of our lives.  Have you ever felt like you dont know how to start, where to begin with so much so that you just give up? I do. This friend was very sincere when we had been close back in uni. I guess my vehement paper chase thinned the relationship.  This was a precious friend.  I'll catch up with this friend right now.
Yes, everyone changes.