feel so lost. like i needa counsellor to manage the family. even though we are a trivial 3some...

Today at NgeeAnnPoly Busstop, 151 came and all the nus peeps prepared to board the bus.. that's when I caught sight of a ezlink card on the ground.. and so I picked it up. What I thought was, someone has dropped it, if you didnt pick it up, someone else who strolls pass will also pick it up as it is still useful. I recall my friend once told me that in Secondary school. I recall the classroom which she told me so, when I saw the calculator lying on the desk. I replied, what if someone comes back to search for his calculator? she replied, but when the person comes back, you didnt take it, it would already have been claimed by another student. I remember the face who told me that. It made sense. Yes, it made sense. back to reality, i see this nus guy standing ahead of me looking back at the seat at the busstop which he has left, searching his pockets, and opening his wallet several times. but when he boarded the bus, he prived out a Passion ezlink card from his wallet. I ... was hesitant, whether it was him who dropped his ezlink cark.. but he had a passioncard so prolly it wasnt his?
so when i climbed onto a seat on the bus, i see him at the taptap machine with his friend, a lil of a worrisome and depressed look... and then i know that I should have asked if it was his. But i hesitated and now what do I do?
I kept replaying the scene of his worrisome look on my seat, right at the back of the bus where the horizontal row of seats are. and I searched my heart. I did not require an ezlink card. I had zero intention of of greed of another card or whatesoever. I simply picked up something that was left behind to safekeep, for emergency use in the far future. even after I bring it home, it would just lie in my cupboard. It wasnt for any amount of stored value within the card. I know truly I picked it up because i think that someone else who comes along, would also pick it up.
and so, AY made a decision. I was determined to clarify with the guy if the card belonged to him. so all the way till 151 turned into school at UCC, i hoped that he wouldnt alight, until central lib bus stop. and all through the journey, I rehearsed my script which I was going to approach him with. and yes! he alighted only at central busstop!!! so I tailed him! till he climbed the steps of the busstop i tapped him on his arm and asked " sorry, did you drop your ezlink card?" he replied with a pause and sad "yea......" and then i showed out my hand with the card. He merely blinked and retrieved the card and replied with a grateful thankyou. I hurried to explain "im sorry I didnt mean to take it, it was on the ground at the bus stop, i just picked it up... i didnt mean to........" with my, you know, embarassed smiles on my face... he simply replied thankyou, the second time. and i scrambled away, offcourse from my desired destination at the central forum. I hope, he wouldnt hate me for taking his card. such that he panicked while boarding 151. I hope he wouldnt think that Ima cheapskate. I hope that he is relieved and happy that he got his card back, and money not wasted. I didnt wanna claim it as mine at all. I only picked it up as it was still functional. But Im glad I had the courage to correct a mess that Ive created. Its the 2nd time. The first was in the bus when I passed a bag to my friend who alighted, when in fact the bag belonged to the passenger sitting in front of me. Im glad that I looked for the nus guy to clarify the card issue, else, I know for sure my Thursday would be ruined with guilt. Im like that.
But still. Somehow the thought that why I had that urge to pick it up, and why I had hesitated upon asking him that immediately,... haunts me.
is it the way I do things? the way I repsond to situations too promptly before me that I always get caught in a booboo?

Being exposed to Kpop for a mere 2 years, I realised gradually that what draws me into this pop culture is not only the music, but rather, the forces driving Kpop.

There is strong cmaraderie. Its really not simply some crazy fangirls oogling at macho or cute guys. Its demonstrates the unity of the fangroups working to acheive a common goal - to popularise the group whom they admire because the fans has figured a talent worthy of their favourite band.

On radio chat-sites... Audience comment all the time, about how much they miss the entire group being one altogether. DBSK from JYJ, ex-members Alexander and Kibum from Ukiss... The audience has unknowingly created an attachment to the original groups and when the group restructures, it disorientates them. The reluctance and longing for the original groups to come together once more is on the minds of both fanclubs and band members, but the organisation/company hinders right?

On kpop charts, fanclubs unite to vote for their groups vehemently. This fan once admitted that she almost screamed at her mum for closing her laptop screen which she had left running while being at school. What for? For that little bit of effort that each of us believe in, with a little more effort from each and everyone, we can increase the viewship of the MV by letting the MV loop throughout the day so that the group can attain an award.

The award is important. The awards personify popularity, but then.. It reflects the amount of effort a particular fanclub is, and how strong the fandom is. The popularity of a group through its achievements, on the other hand reaffirms the fanclub's efforts, and its a cycle round and round. The bands put in alot for their fans too. Ukiss released an impromptu song just for the fans. With no MV, no dance, no intention of appearing on the charts. They simply released a song titled 'Lifetime', for their fanclub, Kissme. Llifetime for Kissme'. Touching? Yes it is.

On youtube comments on MVs, trolls (people who come on to criticise) have no leeways to intrude into the fan's dominance. A troll who criticises through a one sentence comment, will be bombarded by all the thousands of fan's also hovering incessantly on the youtube comments page. and eventually, me too, flagged the troll's comments as spam. Save your comments. If you dislike, you are the minority, because you do not see the way the fans do. Think, and explore from the fan's perspectives.

Even though people criticise Kpop groups for sprouting up like weeds without vocal talent, I realised one day through my mental debates, that sometimes, music does not require good vocals. As long as the beat successfully resounds in your head and you move along with it, I feel that it has already accomplished the task of connecting with the audience. I believe the music itself is a significant aspect of a track, rather than relying solely on vocals. That's the way with Kpop. The groups dance their hearts out. They train continuously. If you hadnt ever watched a Youtube Video of your favourite group practising in the dance room, them drenched in sweat and their sheer determination renders our minute willpower an underdog. I felt inspired, and I really admire their routines. Listening to the music, I recall the dancesteps from the Videos clearly.

It takes utter perseverance. My favourite group, Ukiss, has debuted since 2008, but has never topped any majororalis charts before. Demoralising. But through a change of members, and new hits, they garner new fans everyday. People learn about them everyday. Ukiss calls themselves weed-ols (from the word idols). Because they have failed many times, but they are still resilient and strong coming back bigger better. They mentioned that there were times they thought of disbanding if their next song couldnt make it, but they did not. Im glad they did not. because they are always appearing stronger and better. People appreciate them. I see the strength of Kissmes, and

Kpop is not as simple as what many perceive. There's a story behind the fanclubs, and many driving forces, shaping this popular culture.

Im proud to be a part of it :)

Im a crazy fangirl.

and manyatimes I post videos on FB, hoping to share my love with the world. Hoping they coudl gain a new perspective about Kpop. :))))

ay.starsplash

Here's the beginning of a new perspective. One which I embarked on, half-hearted but returning with more than a jarful... overflowing heart of Love and realisations.

This is the view from our guesthouse at Baan UnrakOrphanage. Its a rural edge town in western Thailand. There is only 1 single 2 way road up the mountains. Valleys dip and mountains climb on opposite sides. It never fails to amaze the Geographer in me, because every feature I admire, I know that it takes millions of years to form. And its with this knowledge which I constantly 'test' myself and try to recall. Majestic features. The one above resembles that in Switzerland. Just that, you wouldnt believe me.

One day, the volunteers invited us along to visit the River. I love visiting rivers. Natural rivers, unlike all of those in Singapore. It is a meander.

And the kids picked rocks for me. Rocks pretty with layers of sediments, I specified my desired sizes and colour and they went off scrambling, peering into the clear waters to find me the precious rocks. haha. Lovely children.

This is how they swim. They jump into the shallow waters and frolick like happy ducks. When we crossed the rivers, they held onto our hands and tested the path for us. When they shivered from cold, they came to us. haha. Heartwarming.

last night i thought about the children and I thought I might have brought Mina back home to be my little brother. but then it would be cruel to take them away from Happy Village of smiles and play to put them in the hectic flurry of the Sg system...

When the plane cruised into Singapore, I was greeted by pride for I spot the Singapore Flyer and MBS prominently and lego blocks of buildings... It is vast and colourful. Bangkok buildings are all grey concrete; made life gloomy. Siam Shopping mall was like Orchard Road that cosmopolitan. But comparing with the rural Thai Village, I know that it was an exact juxtapose.

Ans this is how precious the trip was. Once in awhile. I know I gotta engage in CIP, to reinforce the humanity in me. Once in a while like this, decisions change my life. Reminding me of to cherish. The kids rummaged through rubbish despite being given food to eat. It makes me learn and realise that Love is all around. All around the world. I will visit Baan Unrak again, if opportunity permits.

The world is infinite :)