Its a very special Christmas this year, I've told ya that before. That it feels very much like a fairytale, and probably it did. But this year I attended Christmas eve at Hope Church's suntec event. It was so grand, made me think a whole lot; that was what I had needed. Something worthwhile thinking through and generating those debates within myself, to Hear my own thoughts and beliefs loud and clear, distinct and precise. Its what I am fond of doing. Finding myself, through such purposeful processes. It was my first time there, maiden time being part of a huge mass. Maiden time attending church events with a mind just of my own, to discover and learn. I like learning, and seeing things from different point of views. I applied Sociology evaluation on the topic of Religions during today's event. Too many thoughts ran past my mind. I had been overwhelmed. There was admittedly so much that the Christians believe in and all of a sudden it was too much information for me to comprehend and absorb. I needa understand, for I was trying to understand from their point of view, and I am guilty for admitting that I behaved like a reporter, when I spoke with this Senior who sat beside me who so willingly shared her story with me and that I have so outrageously asked curious questions that I have never known. and i absorbed what she has said so eagerly. Just cause i wanted to learn. There was this moment when the pastor asked the ppl to pray for their friends, and she asked for my permission, and then placed her hand on my shoulder and prayed for me. It was so sincere, I fail to find words to describe that emotion. 'Angel' asked if it had been a good feeling, or a stressful one, but i replied that I dont know. She mentioned my name. and she prayed addressing my problem of dreamings- we had mutual sharing. She prayed so sincerely and truthfully in spoken English aloud I could hear; regardless whether it would work on me, I was so grateful I thanked her with a hug. I hoped she had felt the complicated gratitude? They sang the hymns with so much belief I almost teared listening. It aint the first time I have attended such events and I never fail to be on the verge of tears whenever they sing in unison. Its that overwhelming pride in their belief that rides out at you and seeks to 'drill' the fact into you. The unified strength force out the tears. I respect the faith, I really do. Just like how i respect all other faiths. I believe everyone has something they believe in and If they really do believe,it could be true? we gotta respect them, cause it aint ethical trying to suppress or overcome someone else's beliefs with those of your own. I attended, to see how it goes, and learn, to respect and understand. Its important right, though it sounds so theoretical to you, like what we learn in FASS theories and stuff. It does make a whole lot of sense, for society to jive.
In fact I feel embarrassed to admit that I feel more comfortable being with this youth group compared to OWeek group mates because I'd be branding the groups. This as the believers and being more intellectual while the other as being play play and superficial. Im very afraid to say this. Cause its offending, but I realised this was what I trully felt and I couldnt mask it. And I discovered how well my Protective Shield is. You know the one in which you shun away and shut yourself off from someone else cause you no longer want them to know more about you then they should. The pastor asked everyone in the hall to open their hearts... I couldnt. Cause i know I did not want to.

I shared some of these overpouring thoughts with angel. I dont know how you readers might feel, or opinions it might generate in you. But its christmas ultimatum today. I dont wanna chase empty dreams anymore. I stop fantasising. Hence it shant matter whatever you might then think of me, it shant matter however nice you might be or what I might selfishly expect out of you subconsciously. That's a mean thing. If our friendship is so simple yet true, we'd go far.
I wouldnt bother what you might think of me anymore.
That's stupid, and exhasuting.
Im tired anticipating this game.

Its a wonderful Christmas, with new friends that I need. I went in a bid to expand my social circle and to meet different groups of people:) I like meeting new people. We start afresh, a clean page and start off by being fair to one another and taking the Plunge to trust in the other party. Its exciting taking that risk. and then on if both appears true and open, we'll become Friends.
I told that SeniorIi daydream alot and I am afraid of getting lost in it.
This holiday, I realised that I can live my life with just Music. My life would have been devoid if I were deaf.
I need Music to fill up the spaces.

Merry Christmas, It has been wonderful, an eye-opener, and a lovely day with warm and true acquaintances. =)
I believe in the goodwill of people. I hope to.