temporary.

Before i begin, I'm gonna recount on an outdated hype...I just watched SECRET by Jay Chou!haha.. it was aired on TV during the exam period, so mine was a recorded version... I would seriously grade it 5 stars... It has been ages since i have been so provoked by a movie - about a poignant love story. Is it possible a living person so devastated, the entire world crumbles beneath her weak legs; she falls into a pile on the ground and she forgot to breathe forever? That emotion, i have figured out, somewhat asphyxiating... And i picture moments in my life that i would and might have encountered this... over... death and i dont ever want my boyfriend to be from the past... Do magical things really happen? - like the piano that transformed the girl 20 years into future? Would it have been 1 in a million years a miracle occurred? I have never really paid much attention to Jay Chou, but his role in this film portrayed his immaculate love.. I can never handle such disruption in my life, i'd definitely collapse. Daydreaming - is a scary thing. Sometimes i could just stare into space and picture a railway length of thoughts, pastpresentfuture... for in that few moments, I'm ldrifting, till minutes later I'm jerked out of it back into study mode... it sounds absurd but Few years back, the tangible fear of lingering in dreamscape forever made me instruct my closest friends to pull me out. So I wouldnt hurt anyone around me. Nontheless, dreaming is the sweetest and most magical thing that my mind has ever devised. Though i still hold my reservations on my apprehensions.

Stayed over at aunt's house for a night, it was like a customised chalet... the warmth of Aunt''s family was my best remedy. Despite how much i abstain from recounting dreadful A levels, done badly in some ways, and I wanna tell mum that if I fail to make it, I would go to Poly to pursue my Environmental course. But i would be so sorry for the rest of my life having them spend so much money on me, G.C, examination fees, the tonic potions... That’s when it happened, after Mid-years when my self esteem was strained, I told mum it didn’t work anymore, stop brewing traditional potions for me because it had not brought results, but mum persisted. When I felt like on the verge of collapsing, my friends witnessed my dazy-ness and enquired if i were alright, and i spoke - a little bit more, ANNA YEO!!! When I lost interest in studying, after the exams it was just like vavaboom! And over, it was, without me realising all that I have done for these two years had been accounted for in that 1 paper.

In NYJC, Baldy said sleeping would become a luxury. Baldy said I still haven’t made it for Bio. Baldy said never to lose faith in yourself. He has said so many many things... no grudges , just that he has made me feel like an underdog, i was never near to his standards of perfection, i felt he was toying with my self-esteem, i have cried so badly. The day i felt i could have ran out of school, alone. In NYJC, NEVER have I pronounced the word Fail so blatantly like... daily bread, EVER in my life. I guess things change right? The climate changes, and I just can’t handle academics anymore. I have tried my best. But I know the limit hardworking-ness can go. For i don’t have the brains to study Smart, like everyone preaches. fretting over Geog grades, because it’s the only Subject I’m banking all my hopes on. But I’m telling you, my worries are genuine, if you don’t know ay.starsplash, I’m telling you I really don’t know how i have fared, Okay. Here, i get so muddled in grasping my studies, many times mum fretted over work and none of it enters my head... I’m sorry for not being really there for you. I wrote you a note, in my most dire states.... furthermore, i did not reply to an email sent by RJ, a secondary school friend who hasn’t really moved on with our past encounter. I was mugging for exams, he lost his phone just like I have, no more contacts, no birthday well wishes, though i never forgot. I visited a friend’s blog to try to link to his; it has since been blocked to public. Boom! That’s how we lost total contact, maybe its for the better after 5 years. The unanswered email spoke of my heartlessness, right?

At the customised Chalet "package", aunt’s extravagant Swensens treat was just like a temporary pot of dough used to fill up my empty desperations, the stuffing chilly icecream to numb all my worries - I don’t know how to speak of.
Yesterday on my way to school for exam, an old lady reached out for my arm and begged for a dollar or just 50 cents, which i have refused and walked away. Would you have stopped by?

How fake, AY, joking jovially about the goodluck Mum had written on the First day of my exams, with a Ha-Ha, thank you!!!, when you were crying... Placed with faith on my school bag. But . too much love make me will break down. Its a solitary expedition this Journey in JC. When things go out of hand, I really break down at once. After Chem prelims, i was bursting. messaged Randy Bro; Words - I believed at once. Have you a friend, as such?


There's just too much I haven’t said since my struggles in school.
Not emo? :)
ay.starsplash.