Check Yes Juliet - Run baby Run! by We The Kings!

OMG!!! Everyone is ALIVE finally!!!


Today, St Gabriels' Primary will be celebrating Children's Day!!!
Mum will be bringing home ice cream for me!!! $2 per cup!!! high class okay! haha...
probably some popcorn and candyfloss too...


today i did housework for 2 hours!
swept and mopped the floor! =) it feel superrrrrrr shiok now...
because i mopped it... ha!
and when i woke up i was too lazy to go buy lunch and too lazy afterwards to get some food, so my POWER ribena shall keep me going!
i'm craving for ban mian... =( ... but mum says she'll be returning home...

Its such a carefree day today!
i awoke at 9am... when the drilling from the construction site caused my dreamland to experience tremors...


and i'm so EXCITED!!!!!
next tues after chem mcq, Greeny gang shall go Orchard for some gallivanting XD!!!! auri and i shall go borders to utilise our ' THE CARD'....
sounds like some VIP pass or VIP privileges right?
na, its just our Eco house borders voucher, the value is stored in a card, like a cashcard!!! its 100 bucks!!! XD


just now i was discussing witha uri and randy bro, and we suggested all of us dressing according to a theme... randy suggested ROCK STAR with black eyeliner, black nail polish... everything black... LOL>>>!!!!!! so cooooollllllllllll!

while i suggested Harajuku!!!1 you know, while staring at my notes during revisions, my mind sometimes drift away, and i have this idea of us dressing Harajuku style, i will don on my purple dress and black leggings (lol!!!) which i intend to buy, then tie my long ponytail to the right side of my head, and my golden sandals!!!! OMG so coolllll!!!!!!!!!!!! Lollita, gothic, rock star, all in one!!!!
I love my creativity! XD + =) + X) = =D
oaky, i dont know what i'm doing anyway...
pay me a reasonable sum, i will dress that out!


i feel so high today...
yes yes, yesterdfay after bio paper i braved the strom to reach parkway parade to collect my 'ill' phone, after charging it literally went on off and hanged-.

i promise i wouldnt play with it anymore... and i have learnt my mistake, to put all contacts into the micro SD card less my phone dies and all my contacts disappear again... haiz...
i know, very noob, but i'm still learning okay.... haha!
i havent started my revision for today, gonna do 5 years' mcq later!!! i can do it!!!! XD
let me show you the foreshock and after math of promos k!




mytable top which i will be spending 3/4 of my life at...




at school studying, my dreadful math question which i got all of them to help me solve! ha!
here's cheryl low, auri and peiqi!!!




here's the question! fastest finger first!!!!



the floor beside my tabletop...



the abstract - art!
hmm... there was mini toons sweets!!!!





ay.starsplash.
byebye!
tuesdaytuesday!!!!!
its coming!!!!

I got cheated today!
i checked my email then this nonsensical chain letter asked me to send it to 15 people and press F6 and the name of my lover will appear blah blah, so stupid i thought but since ppl were really forwarding it, i shall try for ONCE; and after i searched for 15 names who wouldnt scold me for stupid emails... i pressed F6 and the link for my email merely turned blue and nothing else happened on the screen...
Stupid!
i will never believe chain mails ever again... all the curses and voodoo-ness, LOL! but alas no mishap has ever occured to me as mentioned...
BOO!

bye!!! after monday i'll be free! =)
going to study with goddess auri and pumpkin now! =)

i had a SWEET DREAM last night!
i will recount and draw out for you alright! If the magic still lingers...
i dreamt of surong, lilan and melissa from my class...
and my magical countryside!

i love dreaming!
i see magic my eyes overlooked.

ay.stasplash.
the dream 'weaver''s breath!

I got home early today!
i have placed the word - beng kui into my chinese mental dictionary.
yesterday i was staring at vectors and things were going haywire i almost went BOOM!

i have this stark realisation.
that exams arent anything much anymore.
its a bad thing.
with no pressures, no fears,
for i should fear.
failing has become a part and parcel of jc life. its nothing too startling to happen to me anytime soon...
tough papers are just that and i dont blame myself.

What is becoming of me?
wake me up.
omg.
the song wake me up when september ends...
by green day.
all too coincidental yea? XD

i'm not looking forward to anything.
Not even the trip to chiang rai.
maybe christmas will be nice, with Greenies...
in fact i cant wait to return from chiang rai.
Many NY friends didnt know i am an only child with no siblings...
but i have pseudo BROTHERS and SISTERS! =)
no, i'm not lonely.
except recently, i have missed-


Something just happened.

Guanyi will be leaving for poly.
=(
that's so sad.
when he called me to inform me so, i stoned for many many split seconds, and i couldnt get back to my bio anymore...
he means so much to us.
i wonder how i will be hnadling the last day of school when i see him...
=(

ay.starsplash. oh my... =(

let me emo for a day.

I feel bad. And i am sorry.
I wasnt able to help my friend. if i cant even help myself. i'm struggling so hard. you'd tell me i cant give up. But its suffocating me. I exited from the classroom in school to sit with peiling around the round tables. The few hills and lonely landscpae of the quiet school seemed to manouvre. For a split second. But i only witnessed the palm trees swaying. The PICTURE moved.
I was going crazy.
I trudged across the bridge home. I couldnt force a smile at all.
what do you do when you are stressed? what do you do when you are sad?
I cry.
but you only know how to do that!

My friends wake up earlier and earlier to study. I got up at 8am every morn previously. Now, 7 am. My friend told she awoke at 5am to do chem. No, not jealousy. I'm just worried, about myself. Mum just called to say she would be late home. Thank goodness. if not i wouldnt have burst - to give myself this liberty.
i'm getting paranoid. I was so traumatised by the insect that flew into my room 2 nights ago. Now this.
i slumped onto the bus seat on the way home. Hoping the bus would travel slower, slower. so i could prolong the excuse - the excapade.
this brief moment. For so long, words finally flowed like fluid into my mind explaining my inexplicables.
I used to pen it down immediately in my journals, so they wouldnt be lost.


this morning.
i miss the long walk i had to take to walk to school whenever the side gate is locked. i miss the exciting Bend, whereby i will peep through the crosses on the fence to catch glimpse of my beloved girlguide cadets. i would strain my eyes to decipher the people at the foyer, if they were my friends slacking. I miss the tranquility of the trees, the wind messing up my hair. as i round the Bend. The comforting music on my mp3 drumming, as i accelerate my steps in sync with the beats, yet i remind myself to slow down to take in the beauty of the Bend.
i had complained it was far. ironically, the last few days of school, stupid me reminded myself to walk slowly so i can take it all in - my surrounding as i wont be rounding that Bend anymore.
The pavement that led me through the rights and wrongs.
Four arduous years.
i had left the house purposefully 45 minutes earlier, to slowly stroll along the pavement to reach school. those were the tiniest steps i have ever taken in my life.
no more. for i'm always rushing to reach school now. Big strides.
i pictured my path along the Bend today, on the way to Macdonalds.
of my alma mater dear.

my face shrouded.

I'm utterly sorry to randy bro for not teaching him geography.
my laughters were, but empty chokeholds.

i'm too tired.
i dont need chicken rice anymore.
i want wings.
bring me to the Bend.
the trees shall absorb my tears.

hush!
leave no traces.
be strong girl!
where is your light? your guiding light?

I'd be fine after this.
Believe me.
Dear fungi gave me courage to face the better tomorrow.
He blogged that i was so stranger towards him.
i had sounded like a stranger, looked upon him like a stranger.
I have forgotten i was called a noob. seriously.
i was hurt, and guilty.
but i had felt thedespair as i watched my good friend step away from the web.
My web of friendship and strength.
Its okay.
at least now i know you still care. thank you very much.
we missed you alot. Dear mushroom.

save.safe.
ay.starsplash.noob.

I miss blogging. alot.
Today as i laid foot past the loaded gate to NYJC, the entire track was spotted with residents.
No, not a bad thing.
Just that i had such a stark realisation that Here, doesnt feel like School at all.
That's when i pieced together an inexplicable knowledge that i have no identity in nyjc.
and i told Cheryl Low, i will discourage my juniors to come here after olevels...
This truth was so raw that i had to pen it down in my journal before morning assembly...

nonetheless, there's this imminent itch within me looking forward to Wednesday, the last day of school!!!! and all the more so towards friday whereby i will be going orchard to study with Greeny Pals, from dawn to dusk! =)
little acts like this, never fails to reignite my waning anticipating =)

ay.starsplash- these things, keep me moving.
和你们在一起, 是我最初, 和最后的天堂

My door is often left unhatched.
Day in, Day out
Strangers trespass, by-pass.
Sometimes they enter my life.
Acquaintance.
Many didnt stay.
Just becoming a figment of my memory.
For those i got to learn,
whom i lost trust in.
The knowing how they will never
Penetrate my Shield.
Because i've seen through them.
That's when i begin pulling away.
and i shut the creaky door.
I varnish this shield.
I remember that protective shield -
that always exists
Preventing me from opening up to new people.
Louisa took 1 and a half years to map the route outta the labyrinth
engraved on my shield.
No, i wouldnt let anyone in anymore.
this short 1 and a half years.
Its so treacherous,
like i dont know them at all,
and i am vulnerable to all their silent thoughts.
i dont feel secure.
i am beginning to see the ugly sides of people.
as time goes by.
truths reveal.
It's just the knowing that my door is closing.

when i begin pulling away from you -
and i shut that creaky door.
ay.starsplash.

Mum told me to view things positively, to accept things with an open heart. That is to attend RC day camp at Ngee Ann Poly with an open heart.
Well, yes i have learnt and understood what RCHN is about.
But i dont see the point of so many ice breakers for half a day without me learning nothing else other than bonding. Yea. that's not the main aim of the camp.
Anyway, out of the 8 members in My group 1, only 2 including me are 17 year olds. The rest were all Uni students. And out of these EIGHT, only 2, including me are true blue Singaporeans.
and.

You know what they said of singapore?
They said singapore is SMALL.
i didnt hear properly and i asked - ' Singapore what-?'
and this SMU student repeated Singapore is SMALL.
followed by the chorus of the NTU maylaysian who repeated - 'Yeah, Singapore is Small!'
and this 17 year old IJC Indian scholar - 'Yes, Singapore is small'.
you know what i replied?
BUT SINGAPORE IS SAFE. I FEEL SAFE AND SECURE HERE.
yes, without natural disasters and political turmoil, so my friends and family are safe, i have them by my side everyday, need not worry about what might be stripped from me the next moment. No constant worries.
this Indian Scholar from IJC also told me - 'SINGAPORE IS BORING'.
SINGAPORE IS NOT BORING.
SINGAPORE IS NOT BORING WHEN I HAVE SO MANY BEAUTIFUL PLACES I SO WANNA GO To BUT NOT THIS POINT IN TIME. LIKE THE ESPLANADE, SUNTEC CITY, ORCHARD ROAD, EAST COAST PARK, THE SINGAPORE FLYER, LANTERN FESTIVAL! CHANGI AIRPORT... SENTOSA... FAR FAR AWAY.

I asked her where she intended to go after completing A levels.
Her reply was ' I WANT TO TRY UNIVERSITY in U.S, BUT IF I CANT ENTER, I WILL TRY FOR NUS'.
Yes, sadly saying, Singapore who nurtured her, who gave them the prestigious certificates of Graduation, she takes Singapore AS A SECOND CHOICE ...
If Singapore is indeed too BORING for you, why didnt you leave?
Why do we have to study harder than them, mug harder than them, just to surpass them, to be 'as worthy' as them to enter the same Universities?

I'm distraught, by these who are unappreciative of what they have here.

Today monsy told me she read the farewell letter i wrote to her on 12.10.07, and the black birthday notebook i have designed specially for her.
and just coincidentally on my bed several days ago, i thought of going through all my Farewell assembly stuffs and letters, but i didnt, for i was afraid my emo would revive and hinder my study mode...
and just the same day, i dreamt of Monsy and others, and i woke up reminding myself - i miss surong.
I'm mystiqued by the lingering strains of telepathy that might still exist, that we both have thought of the same thing to do (reading farewell notes) during thsi holiday.
and the days before farewell assembly on 12.10.07.
we dreamt that we gave each other a farewell hug.
at different locations.

Telepathy.
Its real.

ay.starsplash
I'm holding onto that telepathy though it might be straining.
and i am proud to be a Singaporean.

Why do you not believe me? I can see air particles! haha. They are bombarding! today as i listened to piano ballads from dad's CD and wondering where i shall relax in some quiet part of Singapore, while watching the Transformers - no, not the movie.
It was a spiral? A stream of smoke from the jet plane? the angel's bridge? or Candy Floss!, the clumps migrated! i want to be like them to see the world!
However, they fall. like how newton's apple fell, humans fall, they say angels fall, and rainclouds fall...
Yes yes, as i was daydreaming staring at the sky, the spherical particles bombarded at such speed and frequency, just like what we have learnt! Under the glow of the sunlight, the air particles could be seen! I thought it was oil in my eye, but when i didnt blink and focused, the particles were still bombarding and shooting in all directions!!!
i'm sure you'll be able to see it too, Look through the window, stare hard, stare long at the sky...
the particles will appear, like magic!
i told lilan this in sec 4.
She said i have thought too much...
But i did see them! haha.
ay.starsplash.why dont you belive me?

let's look forwrad together aright?
it has been these things, that keep me going. =)

It made me smile talking to my 2/5 friend on msn. =)
but he's a sad boy...

i dont know how others can afford to even watch a movie!!! oh god!
she didnt study the entire day. okay. she aint worried, but i am.
because i have goals. because i have to meet expectations, others, and myself.
i hope.

and i really wish randy bro will breeze through this exam!
he's so worried he would retain. He cant, because he has grown with us; he cant be left behind.

today i went to rc hq to collect t-shirts for them. For THEM.
i dont know why am i so nice. yea. proud pof myself. am i just accepting the inevitable that i am the president so i got to do all these, for them?
Yet slackers never appreciate, they find it troublesome to get the shirts from me. they say its last minute...
for goodness sake, you fatty bum! its crude, but you as a vicepresident, i Do Not respect you. Not the least bit.
its me, its still me.
i see no identity. there.

i thought i was that headstrong girl.
scolding people in class. i rememeber i screamed at xinyee and made those around me jump.
i was a stubborn mule, i sneaked out of school.
but now i cower before my fellow cca mates.
bcause we are a vulnerable sustaining stem... and they are my peers, i dont humiliate my peers.
if i will just scream at them, they would all disappear the next second.

december is coming!
ay.starsplash.jiayou!!!! =)

This morning, i had a dream.
i dreamt we were gathered outside a classroom, this fat teacher ordered us to be inside. Opposite us was the science classroom. She ordered one of us to obtain the key to open that classroom. And as i looked over, Carline was shifting a chair from the classrom!!! =), and then we entered the clasroom. She gave us sorta like 20 seconds? to settle into 2 straight rows. Like what Uniformed Groups always did. we scrambled like rats.
then i saw fellow girl guides, like melanie... i saw Low Xinyee beside me... haha... though i never had a good impression of her she was there beside me. and of course goddess auri, the Company Leader for GG... oh yes, i reckon Cheryl tan was sitting right at the corner...
The teacher there was a plump long haired teacher.. no, not Mrs Chung, someone i have never seen before, like those on newspaper slimming adverts... XD
i love dreaming!~!

Last night i watched Constantine for what the third time?
i was literally gripping the corner of the cushion as i watched Keanu Reeves exorcise the twitching demons... it was so captivating... hmmm... imagine such a hero exised on Earth...
i never really believed in religions. Constantine was about the Balance between heaven and hell. But it does make one reflect about their spritual reliance. Men's desire to go to heaven... Yesterday mum told me sometimes when she is bothered by Dad's way of doing things, she felt like entering the Chapel at St Gabriel's Primary school where she works for some solitude and peace of mind.
and i asked - 'have you done that?'
she replied - ' i dare not'.
Yes, i have imagined i too would have done that if i were a christian. i would have the entire hall to myself, with only god listening to my woes without making any form of judgement or solutions. i will have some'one' to believe in that gives me faith. But for one, i will be too frightened for i might just be consumed into the depths of my mind in the solitude within the painted walls.
i will not. for that feels like betrayal;
for i have prayed since young.

sometimes, we merely desire that lil' bit of faith to keep us going.
=)
ay.starsplash.

2 more days to go.
saturday there's this stupid redcross event at ngee ann poly. i intended to pon, keeping mum from the rest... but when he informed us that we would have to foot the full cost if i missed it, i was emoed for the night... so now i have to attend wasting my entire saturday... i intend to sneak home early. My mind's set on that.

these two days, my left eyelid has been twitching constantly. Yes, someone is talking really Bad about me... Be it RC people or justina, for not fixing a blog skin for her yet...
i recall and i have done nothing mean.
=) haha.

with star dust, ay.starsplash#

i'm addicted to Lin Jun Jie's Jiang Nan since monday!!!i have been replaying it for a thousand and one times! XD

Yesterday i met clarissa at PS while studying with qingyun at Starbucks!
My 2/4 schoolmate now is so pretty! =) and she told me she returned to amkss on teacher's day and she saw Kaiyang talking to Mrs ismail!!! haha!!! he has become a speck of dust in my life now la... Clarissa said she was thinking where's anna!!! haha!
i remember in sec 1 he was the first person in AMKSS that i kan shang yan... well, i was still a childish noob last time. yup, i'm embarrassed saying it now, haha, but i imagined if i saw him on teacher's day that day i would have been seeing my transformation of maturity!
Hmmm....
but its nice to see people you have not seen for ages right?
He's 21 years old now! haha!
and i have Grown okay!
yup.
It was probably a happy day at AMKSS that day, which i never turned up.

Study Hard! why are you Blog surfing?!!! XD

ay.starsplash.the first, blah! XD

YES. I am remorseful.
For not knowing it was Mingwei's birthday.
In the first place, i realised i have never taken note of my friend's birthday. Being his friend for 4 years, its new friends whom he has met for merely 6 months who created this memory within him.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for only knowing how to call my friend by names of Fungi and Big head and Dumbo.
I'm sorry Amksian Greeny Gang never gave you the love and sense of belonging in your boy clique.
I'm sorry i had never noted your birthday.
Its - insignificant now.
Please do come visit us often.
There, every morning without fail,
we'd be there.
a spirit i cling onto.

ay.starsplash

1st September 2008

2/5 friends are humble, hopeful and embrace me with love;
4/5 friends aspire high, are forward-looking and down to earth -
they lead me back to reality. =)=)=)



Sometimes, even though i cant be there for you anymore
i sincerely wish i were still around to rekindle your dwindling confidence.
Sometimes, you arent here anymore, and i really miss the time we were friends.
badly.
As our maturing phase halted
so did our friendship cease...




The silhouette behind the glass (window)
a distorted dream.
As mysteriously, all the city lights blink.

i realised i missed Nature.

One fine day
the Ominous dark sky
warned me. (irony.)

What if my Friend told me a secret?
I should have been over the moon.
But i closed my eyes
for the wind breathed to me -
they told me.

Underneath the stars.

They told me
i was crazy.





ay.black devil.