There are moments i've trudged alone
but i survived -
i recall dear monsy's poem
" just look up to the stars and i'll be on my way "
yet this oath
needs no fulfilment (it will never be) -
to come Alive.

A melody weaves around me
like a net encapturing.
i only see myself
in those scenes i picture diminishing.

So long since birth i've been alone.

The chalet,
lingered traces of my brother!
i did miss kingkong bro,
before you go.
I would materialise the reunion
or so i have said...

Recently
I've lost myself completely,
giving myself to the tunes
that i can no longer hear what YOU are saying.

Sometimes when i feel all alone
i know there's these people
that so miraculously reaches
to take me in.
and then i think of people
i've hurt and lost, and loved
i want to make up to them, hold on,
tell them: Its YOU and YOU and YOU
that still recur
Persistently in my dreams.



yesterday i argued with mum because my sms exceeded the limit. even though i just passed her the extra money i have overspent, she never let it rest, she will not. do you feel surprised i pay for the exceeded bills on my own? its my life and i'm used to it. and there was this gigantic insect that flew into the living room two nights ago, i was so angry and frightened i threw my temper. and i realised there's still a gap in some areas mum hasnt succeeded in gaining my trust in.
yesterday.
i was glad i forgot about somebody. although it was a little too late i eventually did it. It rained, trapping me at home.

the previously-ultra-self-aware-myself, see through people. i see how people feel left out, how the entire weight is thrust onto that person, how mean people are.
i am so sad i will be leaving for chiang rai so soon, sooner than i know it. Its NINE days from today. How i will miss all the Greenies, and my home sweet home.
probably there's one consolation which is that teh OSLE team i am in sings GG songs like little kids - like i once was... because there are 3 guides, including myself and this enthusiastic girl edna, who learns these songs from church.

i wonder how i survived the previous holidays at home...

i cannot wait for Christmas, and greeny BBq, and to work to earn money and all the outings...
i want to return from ChiangRai, then i can finally settle down.
i realised i havent settled down a bit since promos ended or whatever not... like this year drifted pass so swiftly i havent captured any memories. Fine, let me understand when its too late, like people always do...

my computer aint fixed. school com.
i'm counting down.
ay.starsplash.


there's GG camp at amkss later on. we are all going =) the six of us. =)