MyJuniors at school, dear friends, alma mater dear...
tonight the intelligent ones and those who persevered will be receiving their awards.
but i will not be there to watch jingjing give her truthful speech, my close friends' stride up the stage, nor my respected junior cadets.
But i feel their pride.
The greeny spirit-
never flailing.
:)

i passed all my subjects.
Finally. i have waited so long, uncertain of everything...
Results sow discord, results hurt, results make me lose myself.
i cannot believe what my good friend said.
i pointed to the 3 marks in that column and declared that i did not study that topic on weathering. Can you believe what she replied?
'I dont believe'.
she does not believe that i had truthfully neglected the topic on weathering and focused on plate tectonics alone to obtain my 34/50 marks.
disappointment.
i know truly well what i dislike others to do to me. i am a person who's intimately aware of myself... my conscience is clear.
maybe its time to just keep my mouth shut and patch up the protective shield so that i am kept safe.

am i to believe what others tell me otherwise? its too tempting, curious.
i dont wish to compete, with a friend. probably afterall she's merely my buddy? i cant determine anything anymore.
i did not believe when they told me you kept counting and recounting my scores... i did not believe you actually said that.
i'm confused.

if its my own expectations, can i be given the liberty not to be satisfied with 1 mark away from an A grade? may i be given the right to smile and exclaim? will i be forgiven if i upset those around me? but i cant.
if you tell me i 've obtained well enough to compare with others? Think. Havent you yourself done the same thing - 'i think i will get an E for xxx....' 'Er... i think i will be geting a B or a C.'
mean, results are mean. hate results. I'm sick of this demeaning cycle.

so sad and confused.
over what you said.
today.
yesterday too,
over what i saw-
i saw two persons.
it broke.
abandon an empty fallacy,
anna yeo.

i want to reconstruct this world - i once abandoned - where no one can decipher, where i fight solo,
a heart heavy enough so it wouldnt waver.

ay.starsplash.
i'm getting it. finally.