my Shadow

2012-02-02T18:28:00.001+08:00

DANG IT. Why do the tears sting so hot and searing like salt in my eyes?
I guess water turned itself upon my strained eyes.
Im tired.
and want to be strong. Today at least.

moodswingemo

2012-02-02T18:09:00.006+08:00

I feel moodswing emo.
A sudden inexplicable moodswing because I guess its everything stuffed in me and I didnt release them slowly, dumbgirl. Just keep putting it in and in and in.
Its after lesson today at 6. I had to wait till 7.30 for CCA event, and there was too much time.
I. I.... I stood on the downward stairs unsure of where to go for 10 seconds! GOSH! I really stood rooted on the steps and thought. Hard.
and then I turned back and strolled @ 1/10 of my usual pace.. to YIH. I wished the trip was longer though, so that I could stare at the ports along the way, they look upon the sea wide and vast. after-rain breeze streaming through my hair.
I thought of my desire to escape to SEP, sooner, quicker. Put everything behind. Selfish desires, but a longing desire.
I feel that I might cry. Its just that when i feel stressed, over everything, or nothing at all, remember the times when I'd just cry? No you dont. click on my past past past blogposts and you'll see... haha . Crying seems like my remedy. But in school I wont. I feel like I need a hug.
Its the times when I feel like I wanna walk on and on and on and on, dont wanna stop.
But. 어 디? Where?
Im very glad today is Thursday, my last day of the week. Things have been trivial, but somehow since 2 days ago when I woke up, something was wrong and I had a grudge with the week... nothing was perfect to me anymore since then.

Are you lost wandering, AY.STARSPLASH?

bigbang - haru haru.
Im glad of my earphones, to plug in after school, cos it masked the jealous glances of passersby on me along my slow stroll towards YIH (at the unusual girl enjoying music with wind blowing in her hair, walking at a pace so slow that nothing else seemed to matter in the world?) . i pretended everything, everyone was invisible. I created my own world. to give myself time, to stop and. just stop.
still have the urge to tear. But WHY? I dont know.

2012-01-19T20:46:00.007+08:00

feel so lost. like i needa counsellor to manage the family. even though we are a trivial 3some...

Today at NgeeAnnPoly Busstop, 151 came and all the nus peeps prepared to board the bus.. that's when I caught sight of a ezlink card on the ground.. and so I picked it up. What I thought was, someone has dropped it, if you didnt pick it up, someone else who strolls pass will also pick it up as it is still useful. I recall my friend once told me that in Secondary school. I recall the classroom which she told me so, when I saw the calculator lying on the desk. I replied, what if someone comes back to search for his calculator? she replied, but when the person comes back, you didnt take it, it would already have been claimed by another student. I remember the face who told me that. It made sense. Yes, it made sense. back to reality, i see this nus guy standing ahead of me looking back at the seat at the busstop which he has left, searching his pockets, and opening his wallet several times. but when he boarded the bus, he prived out a Passion ezlink card from his wallet. I ... was hesitant, whether it was him who dropped his ezlink cark.. but he had a passioncard so prolly it wasnt his?
so when i climbed onto a seat on the bus, i see him at the taptap machine with his friend, a lil of a worrisome and depressed look... and then i know that I should have asked if it was his. But i hesitated and now what do I do?
I kept replaying the scene of his worrisome look on my seat, right at the back of the bus where the horizontal row of seats are. and I searched my heart. I did not require an ezlink card. I had zero intention of of greed of another card or whatesoever. I simply picked up something that was left behind to safekeep, for emergency use in the far future. even after I bring it home, it would just lie in my cupboard. It wasnt for any amount of stored value within the card. I know truly I picked it up because i think that someone else who comes along, would also pick it up.
and so, AY made a decision. I was determined to clarify with the guy if the card belonged to him. so all the way till 151 turned into school at UCC, i hoped that he wouldnt alight, until central lib bus stop. and all through the journey, I rehearsed my script which I was going to approach him with. and yes! he alighted only at central busstop!!! so I tailed him! till he climbed the steps of the busstop i tapped him on his arm and asked " sorry, did you drop your ezlink card?" he replied with a pause and sad "yea......" and then i showed out my hand with the card. He merely blinked and retrieved the card and replied with a grateful thankyou. I hurried to explain "im sorry I didnt mean to take it, it was on the ground at the bus stop, i just picked it up... i didnt mean to........" with my, you know, embarassed smiles on my face... he simply replied thankyou, the second time. and i scrambled away, offcourse from my desired destination at the central forum. I hope, he wouldnt hate me for taking his card. such that he panicked while boarding 151. I hope he wouldnt think that Ima cheapskate. I hope that he is relieved and happy that he got his card back, and money not wasted. I didnt wanna claim it as mine at all. I only picked it up as it was still functional. But Im glad I had the courage to correct a mess that Ive created. Its the 2nd time. The first was in the bus when I passed a bag to my friend who alighted, when in fact the bag belonged to the passenger sitting in front of me. Im glad that I looked for the nus guy to clarify the card issue, else, I know for sure my Thursday would be ruined with guilt. Im like that.
But still. Somehow the thought that why I had that urge to pick it up, and why I had hesitated upon asking him that immediately,... haunts me.
is it the way I do things? the way I repsond to situations too promptly before me that I always get caught in a booboo?

2012-01-10T23:31:00.003+08:00

Being exposed to Kpop for a mere 2 years, I realised gradually that what draws me into this pop culture is not only the music, but rather, the forces driving Kpop.

There is strong cmaraderie. Its really not simply some crazy fangirls oogling at macho or cute guys. Its demonstrates the unity of the fangroups working to acheive a common goal - to popularise the group whom they admire because the fans has figured a talent worthy of their favourite band.

On radio chat-sites... Audience comment all the time, about how much they miss the entire group being one altogether. DBSK from JYJ, ex-members Alexander and Kibum from Ukiss... The audience has unknowingly created an attachment to the original groups and when the group restructures, it disorientates them. The reluctance and longing for the original groups to come together once more is on the minds of both fanclubs and band members, but the organisation/company hinders right?

On kpop charts, fanclubs unite to vote for their groups vehemently. This fan once admitted that she almost screamed at her mum for closing her laptop screen which she had left running while being at school. What for? For that little bit of effort that each of us believe in, with a little more effort from each and everyone, we can increase the viewship of the MV by letting the MV loop throughout the day so that the group can attain an award.

The award is important. The awards personify popularity, but then.. It reflects the amount of effort a particular fanclub is, and how strong the fandom is. The popularity of a group through its achievements, on the other hand reaffirms the fanclub's efforts, and its a cycle round and round. The bands put in alot for their fans too. Ukiss released an impromptu song just for the fans. With no MV, no dance, no intention of appearing on the charts. They simply released a song titled 'Lifetime', for their fanclub, Kissme. Llifetime for Kissme'. Touching? Yes it is.

On youtube comments on MVs, trolls (people who come on to criticise) have no leeways to intrude into the fan's dominance. A troll who criticises through a one sentence comment, will be bombarded by all the thousands of fan's also hovering incessantly on the youtube comments page. and eventually, me too, flagged the troll's comments as spam. Save your comments. If you dislike, you are the minority, because you do not see the way the fans do. Think, and explore from the fan's perspectives.

Even though people criticise Kpop groups for sprouting up like weeds without vocal talent, I realised one day through my mental debates, that sometimes, music does not require good vocals. As long as the beat successfully resounds in your head and you move along with it, I feel that it has already accomplished the task of connecting with the audience. I believe the music itself is a significant aspect of a track, rather than relying solely on vocals. That's the way with Kpop. The groups dance their hearts out. They train continuously. If you hadnt ever watched a Youtube Video of your favourite group practising in the dance room, them drenched in sweat and their sheer determination renders our minute willpower an underdog. I felt inspired, and I really admire their routines. Listening to the music, I recall the dancesteps from the Videos clearly.

It takes utter perseverance. My favourite group, Ukiss, has debuted since 2008, but has never topped any majororalis charts before. Demoralising. But through a change of members, and new hits, they garner new fans everyday. People learn about them everyday. Ukiss calls themselves weed-ols (from the word idols). Because they have failed many times, but they are still resilient and strong coming back bigger better. They mentioned that there were times they thought of disbanding if their next song couldnt make it, but they did not. Im glad they did not. because they are always appearing stronger and better. People appreciate them. I see the strength of Kissmes, and

Kpop is not as simple as what many perceive. There's a story behind the fanclubs, and many driving forces, shaping this popular culture.

Im proud to be a part of it :)

Im a crazy fangirl.

and manyatimes I post videos on FB, hoping to share my love with the world. Hoping they coudl gain a new perspective about Kpop. :))))

ay.starsplash

2012-01-05T08:56:00.004+08:00

Here's the beginning of a new perspective. One which I embarked on, half-hearted but returning with more than a jarful... overflowing heart of Love and realisations.

This is the view from our guesthouse at Baan UnrakOrphanage. Its a rural edge town in western Thailand. There is only 1 single 2 way road up the mountains. Valleys dip and mountains climb on opposite sides. It never fails to amaze the Geographer in me, because every feature I admire, I know that it takes millions of years to form. And its with this knowledge which I constantly 'test' myself and try to recall. Majestic features. The one above resembles that in Switzerland. Just that, you wouldnt believe me.

One day, the volunteers invited us along to visit the River. I love visiting rivers. Natural rivers, unlike all of those in Singapore. It is a meander.

And the kids picked rocks for me. Rocks pretty with layers of sediments, I specified my desired sizes and colour and they went off scrambling, peering into the clear waters to find me the precious rocks. haha. Lovely children.

This is how they swim. They jump into the shallow waters and frolick like happy ducks. When we crossed the rivers, they held onto our hands and tested the path for us. When they shivered from cold, they came to us. haha. Heartwarming.

last night i thought about the children and I thought I might have brought Mina back home to be my little brother. but then it would be cruel to take them away from Happy Village of smiles and play to put them in the hectic flurry of the Sg system...

When the plane cruised into Singapore, I was greeted by pride for I spot the Singapore Flyer and MBS prominently and lego blocks of buildings... It is vast and colourful. Bangkok buildings are all grey concrete; made life gloomy. Siam Shopping mall was like Orchard Road that cosmopolitan. But comparing with the rural Thai Village, I know that it was an exact juxtapose.

Ans this is how precious the trip was. Once in awhile. I know I gotta engage in CIP, to reinforce the humanity in me. Once in a while like this, decisions change my life. Reminding me of to cherish. The kids rummaged through rubbish despite being given food to eat. It makes me learn and realise that Love is all around. All around the world. I will visit Baan Unrak again, if opportunity permits.

The world is infinite :)

LOVE - HEBE

2011-10-24T18:26:00.013+08:00

With my shades on
The World seemes more beautiful.
The sky azure blue,
Cirrus, Stratus, Cumulonimbus.
Because I could gaze directly at the clouds
the glare subdued behind my shades,
Or
was it because Im hidden, from the world?

Prairie.
Im imagining a prairie of grass,
yellow, scorched, standing tall.
Swaying in the sun's blaze.
Someone else far far away
Is staring at this same sky as I am.

Perhaps, when you learn the truth of an acquaintance
You lose your innocence.
You speak with caution and sensitivity.
and you look upon her differently.
because It suddenly dawns on you that
You know her dark secret,
her deepest truth.
Scary.
It renders us self-conscious and then,
drift away... ...

我愛你你愛她她愛他他愛她
怎麼這世界已經沒有人相愛
每個人都愛別人, 不愛自己
"Love" - Hebe
Where is the Love?
School has rendered me stonehearted.
I no longer write, recount or intentionally identify ppl's kindness.
I do not stop to watch the world.
You are you, I am I.
I dont look at people anymore.
I need to engage in community service to stay humane.

Every morning on the trip to school, the bus passes by a large canal. It meanders slightly, flanked by wild forestry along both banks. The sun would be gazing on the canal, the water sparkles like glinting eyes.
Its surreal, like neverland.
When I grab hold of a camera, I would picture it down.
Until then, you still wouldnt trust me;
you will not believe that its a scene from a roadside.

Airplanes in the sky
Their smoke left behind?
haha.
They are actually contrails.
A long trail of cloud that has condensed on the airplane's warmer engines.
Do you blame your naiivity, thinking it was the plane spewing out a trail of smoke
and hoping that one fine day the trail would
draw into a heart shape?

This feeling, its a step slowing down. Stop. Hold your breath. Take in one full gulp of the world. Something I havent done in a loooooooooooooong time. It aint easy to do this anymore. Not every moment is suitable for this tranquility of my soul to detach and roam.
I spotted a cumulonimbus cloud..
A tall vertical column of cloud.
I love this feeling.
Take a step back and watch.

Maybe, it is indeed easier to do so
believing the shades hide you
from strangers.
You know glasses of shades are merely transparent coloured lenses,
they still see through to your eyes.

But, its fine.
I feel happy in my pseudo believe. =)

ay.starsplash//

2011-10-22T09:46:00.003+08:00

-IDOLISM-

You'd never imagine that at this age in Time of 20 years of wisdom gained, only now am I chasing after idol stars. I am late. People normally exhibit their fanatism in secondary school. But having been well protected as an only child, Im sheltered from exposure to the masses because I seek to remain as the guai, practical girl. Recently, my interest has taken the hold of me as I increasing am empowered to seek what I desire. It may be childish, but I contemplated for a week before heading out to the supermart (Finally!!!) on a Friday after a hectic week at school to grab hold of the Teens Magazine, just for the U-Kiss poster. Its a Kpop male group. Friends from my cliques do not appreciate Kpop, I feel one in a million. Sometimes I have an urge but there's no one to share my enthusiasm with when chancing upon something interesting... I figured that I am already 20. I will never ever be at this prime age in Time ever again, just this once. When I recall this phase of my life when Im 50, 60, 70, 80? I'd be gratified with this memory of an innocent fan-girl. It means alot. members of the group are mostly born in 1989, 1991. My year!!! hahaha. hence if i do not 'support' them now, I believe for Kpop which is so 'temporary' ; they would just disappear soon... in afew years' time they would be too old like me. and new younger boy groups will pop up whereby it'll be awkward for me to ogle at younger boys then...Youth doent stay. I feel the necessity to share with everyone what I feel and what I accomplished through FB. having rationalised my actions and done it. when you think, i would become significant to you.
Because, I felt really happy having done what I did. :)

I check my email patiently everyday. because I Wait for my result of my SEP application to come. Even though I never hold hold high hopes lest I get despaired, I really do hope to go away on SEP. and so I hopefully log in everyday without fail. A part of me desires to go away as a form of escapance. This is wrong but, I just wanna leave things behind, which is my CCA. My term in the club ends next August; I wish to be able to go away so that I would not need to experience the overwhelming handing over and AAR (analysis and review) which I do not feel comfortable with. I need a full clean cut break between school and my CCA. Its not passion, its responsibility serving in the club having been trained as the vice in my sub comm last year, now im the head of the subcomm. Its responsibility in continuation. Sometimes it becomes too great a burden for me doing sth that I do not preach. But I try to hang on... it gets tough. So I apologise. I apologise so freely, naming out all my imperfections. but Im sorry. For something that I have no confidence in accomplishing, the most i can do is try my best and go along. I hope it'll still make a difference.

Hang on!!!
it sounds like a happy post amidst my flurry of things at hand to accomplish but things like that that make me smile, paints my life more meaningful and ... colourful =) i hope it inspires you too :)

ay.starsplash//

Abracadabra

2011-09-29T21:19:00.004+08:00

Today
I saw the Magician for the second time.
The Magician looked at me but didnt recognise me anymore.
and the Magician was just beside me when boarding the bus.
Oh wells, reality is too real it occupies the bulk of my whirled mind Today;
I no longer engage in daydream fantasies.
:(
But I recalled it was so surreal fantasizing and daydreaming bout Nothingness...
Just that, the Magician impressed me so but on hindsight, the term 'eyecandy' is so kiddish now...
Or rather, its no longer important to us......

Abracadabra.

2011-09-22T14:03:00.005+08:00

Childish Innocence

I just recalled the days in Primary 1 when I would compete with my friends to collect the most eraser dust in our little sacred vials which mum would dispose of when she spot checks my schoolbag.

Haha.

2011-09-15T23:57:00.000+08:00

Been pondering over it for too long a time.
Is it just me,
or is it that you do not know me well enough
such that the kiddyinme takes precedence
over the serious stuff Im capable of
which i no longer take control
because there's more brillaint people around
I relegate
stand back, watch, learn.
So, you do not see this side of me
and therefore I should not change
because
i just realised
masks are back.
Child-like, being a mask that has revived.
Good, or bad?

2011-09-04T00:15:00.004+08:00

Amongst the crowd
my presence invisible.
Lest the bumpings and elbowing.

In a land far away
oblivious to the way
but you know where the ride'll lead you
Just, not anytime soon.
Roam.

Little bags of surprises
Your hearts' desires
Go in search of them
But the night draws near

Time flits by too quickly; somehow
I dont wanna go home.

2011-08-30T12:36:00.002+08:00

Yellowstone National Park
Niagara Falls
Times Square
Ground Zero
Grand Canyon

2011-08-30T00:08:00.007+08:00

Today, I chanced upon the magician in school. I didnt know the magician is in FASS, and i passed by him Twice! I almost, almost, tapped him and exclaimed "oh you're the magician!". But I hesitated... It is magical how I have wondered where the magician is from all along, and today I discovered it!! Im still captured by surprise that I caught sight by the magician today. =) Haha.

2011-08-03T22:38:00.004+08:00

pangpangpangpangpangenter!

the sound of my keyboard typing out passwords and usernames. haha.

pang enter.

Replay that song.

2011-08-02T17:56:00.005+08:00

CCA camp has ended!
I realised Im no longer a Year 1, embraced and protected by Seniors; I am a senior myself now. No longer will there be anymore compromise with regards to mistakes made. I have to Grow Up and muster confidence to partake in responsibilities.
I was jealous that the juniors received good hospitality, when I was behind-the-scenes as logistics head. I picture juniors sitting with us in the conference rooms for future meetings, it is a strange setting, something unfamiliar that i require time to adjust to again. For Im no longer the maknae (the youngest in korean) amongst the circle, being looked upon. When specific juniors were teased about, it seems the limelight has shifted. Do you feel relegated? This is wrong. :X
Do you fear?
I fear my CCA Leader. His eyes make me crinch. He hasnt done anything frightful, just that his poise and authority as the Head of CCA with his professionalism daunts me. His questions are so powerful they render me dumbfounded. Intellect has intimidated me, again. In cca, when i share that im from NY, i feel inferior. I believe its a fact that people do judge based on your background. When a senior mentioned he came from the worst JC, I guessed it all wrong. His worst......., was referring to AJC, which I have looked upon and had yearned to go to... Sometimes, I really do admire myself being courageous, all alone dismantling the circle of elites.
Stumblingblock.
I am unable to look people in the eye while talking. I dont look at people when they speak to me, one-on-one. Im unsure of how to react. Do i simply stare at the eyes, or look at the entire face? Do i look away at times, or hold my gaze fixated? There was this moment my leader said to me to stop looking at the ppt screen, look at his face and explain the info all to him in my own style. I panicked. I couldnt look him in the eye at that formal instance when I havent even fully looked at my girl friends whilst talking before. Will this be my stumbling block?

ay

2011-07-02T00:22:00.005+08:00

2011-06-18T23:51:00.002+08:00

Today was a blessed day! I feel so blissful today! Because I went for morning breakky at KFC with mum and dad, so long since we've gone out together...:)

and at Metro doing PlayDoh, it was such a warm environment Im really impressed and touched! For the male sales assistant helped me to carry my big truckbag of toys here and there, shifted the racks for me to set up my stuff... the sales girls chatted with me and played my doh, the supervisor shifted my table for me, and they even bothered to enquire how I'd have to carry that big bag home! They cared that much. When it was time, they reminded me to go home... and that salesman even said he hated those who bullied small merchandisers (like me) haha! and there was one thing he mentioned when he commented about my 3leafed clover made outta boredom - "why not make it 4 leaves? 4 leaves give a greater sense of Hope; the heart a feeling of completeness". I was awed. I never expected someone to see my clover that much. Hope was the word. I recalled while awaiting alevel results, I folded paper cranes, for that bit of hope to encourage myself, cos I feared for my results, to that extent.

And near end time, I met my long lost colleague!! My census colleague, Bro Kueh! haha! It was a miracle being able to meet a good friend on this blissful day!

Because everything felt right today.

Havent felt this happiness in a while

It felt like I was loved by the ppl at metro, dad and mum, and the World today!

Its a very happy feeling if you could know what I mean=)

ay.

2011-06-14T00:30:00.007+08:00

I feel blessed. Even though I aint from their clique when we worked for several months last year, they regarded me as a friend and invited me to their gathering! and I have a Friend who has taken on this challenge to replay Neopets again with me next holiday! haha! Mind you, its a male friend, and even though it may just be a joke we're making, its an innocent pact we've made and it makes me really happy to have these friends!

My Census colleagues, the ones I hung out with today, they're by far the largest clique consisting of male friends that I have. If you know me as a person, I stare at scenes before my very eyes and think! haha. I love to see from a stranger's point of view so that Im never taken away - myself blown by the wind like Poof! I know, the momentarily moments of awkward silences. The fear. But they surfaced today and the guys could really just talk nonsense to fill in the gaps so effortlessly it was magic. :):):) the girls were silent, segregated a lil, but I saw that they were so comfortable together, and I wondered if I were the genuine outsider in their midst, for I never had much chances to sit with them at work before. It was just a random gathering for Dinner. Chats. and Homed. They were really happy with that arrangement! Im impressed by simplicity! It was crucial to meet up. Such acquaintanceship. Requires effort. To update bout ongoings, revive lameness and revitalise jokes. so that we cherish and learn. =) Im gratified that they had even asked me along!=)

AY is stumped by magnanimity. Its a new word I've learnt from google dictionary.hahaha! Its to say that Im embarrassed with myself, by seeing how magnanimous someone is towards me. And Im guilty for not being able to achieve that despite how saint-ful I try to be. Because I had thought this person's character was not similar to mine in perceptions and that we would not click or hang out together. But its this person who... 'saved the day' eventually. What hits me greatest was that she could put behind my past hostilities, and to withstand my childlike and opiniated self to accompany me without qualms. For that Im utterly guilty. But I learnt my mistake. I thank her for today and I'm Sincere.

Last night was emo night. For I thought too hard on redundant stuff. Recently, childhood mistakes have resurfaced in my mind. They were mistakes from long long ago, so distinct yet I never forgot how mean I had been. Dazing during my toy promoter job standing aimlessly, stuff simply Floats right into my consciousness. 'pushing a childhood friend's toy down the bed to see if it would break; hiding a mistake during stockpacking, having the delivery men scolded instead; stealing glitter from art room in primary 5;.............' Are you flabbergasted? That I was once a thief?

Trivialities kept haunting me. Small mistakes when I was too young to prevent. But I desired for a 'confessor' last night before bed. Confessor, like the MotherConfessor in story Legend of the Seeker? HAHA. Someone I can confess to, to forgive for all Ive done. Horrible things like those above. They never left my consciousness, no matter how long ago hidden away. Speaking it here, I still cannot rid of my sins. But at least I've got the courage to rightfully admit them.

And then I thought; How would I be able to achieve big things in life If Im forever haunted by trivialities of the past? Since i cannot move on from there. Henceforth you're still immature and incompetent. Im already 20. old 20. I may appear calm and practical. But I know deep down my emotions are still in a turmoil. I cannot control my wild thoughts for I think so Hard about something. :(

Somehow mine's still an abstract frame of mind. This vexes me.

ay.

2011-06-04T23:55:00.006+08:00

reminds me of P.Diddy's

"let the rain wash away;

all the pain of yesterday".

fly me to the stars, far far away.

drift in the foregrounds of the cityscape.

2011-06-01T12:25:00.002+08:00

I CHANGED MY FRINGE, BUT I DONT LOOK WEIRD YAY!! HAHAHA. NO MORE BALDING PATCH! HAHAHA AND I DISCOVERED THE SALON IN MY NEIGHBOURHOOD, NEVER VISITED BEFORE, AND TODAY THEY ONLY CHARGED ME... 12 BUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO ITS SO CHEAP! COMPARED TO ALL OTHERS THAT CHARGE <18 FOR MY VERY THICK BLACK HAIR (WHICH IM VERY PROUD OF AND TREAT LIKE PRECIOUS) HAHAH!! OH COS THEY ASKED IF I AM A STUDENT AND I ANSWERED CONFIDENTLY YES! HAHAHA! COS I BELIEVE IF THEY KNEW I AM IN UNI THEY WOULD CHARGE ADULT PRICE. AND TEHY ASKED WHERE I WAS SCHOOLING AT I REPLIED ... JC. HAHAHA!!!! ITS A WHITE LIE. WHITE LIES ARE HARMLESS, COS THEY'RE WHITE. :D

2011-05-29T10:15:00.003+08:00

I feel inspired after reading angelina's blog! CAMBODIA!

oh and yesterday i had interesting dreams again. I know, that magical pillow which i sometimes sleep on. I dreamt of NCC Air boys and GirlGuide girls including myself. Those familiar faces from sec sch. We went to our own shopping centre which i created. and there was this painting. SUPER COOL. 3D leh!!!!!!!!!! and it was called "before and after" - the faces of people before, and faces beside, after embellishment. But the after faces were distorted and sorta disfigured? But I figured, it could mean before it was alright... but what eventually happens is that things change. and here, this changed for the worse after. :(

and we went up the escaloator, we were supposed to meet our Sirs to explain the rationale of that painting above so that we'll be able to explain to primary school kids during open house. Open house? In a shopping mall? LOL. and on FB i saw 8 faces of the 'attendees' of the event. i can only recall 5 faces. But it was such a sweet feeling, because I aint in contact with all of them anymore.

But their faces are as distinct as ever in my other world.

and WOWWWWWWWW I am an artist in my dream world eh, for I created my own painting, never seen before I'm serious.

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

2011-05-29T00:25:00.002+08:00

My imaginary :(

2011-05-28T23:02:00.027+08:00

Today at Toys R Us,

I chatted with a girl at my play dough booth. She was outgoing and spontaneous. So she told me she have 2 older siblings, 1 brother 10 years old, her sister 8, and herself 5. she told me that her 2 siblings are very good! her brother watches barbie, while her sister watches ben 10! So i asked with surprise "why is it the other way round?" hahaha. I asked if the 3 of them do quarrel, she replied No! they all take very good care of her, her sister would watch ben10 while brother watch barbie, she reiterated. :) she had a dog named Pepper! so I told her to name the doggy soft toy beside her 'Chily'. HAHAHA and she screamed NOOOOOOOOOO! lol. she helped scold a naughty boy who mixed all my dough colours together. and she insisted that we make a butterfly with her leading us! when she couldnt shape a long snake, she whined for help. A typical girl well brought up. I asked where her parents were?? She told me there were eating somewhere and gave her brother the task of looking after her at toysrus. And her sister? "Oh she vomited this morning, she slept next to me and she vomited all over the bed and on my hair!!! I had to wash my hair 3 times so there is no more smelly smell!" I asked, "were you so short that she vomited just on your hair???" and she explained that her sister was very sick! Her name is Edna, and she told me her sister's name is very unique! Its called Adil. and her brother is called kor kor. Haha! she's such a brilliant girl so well versed that a fellow kid's parent began chatting with her. This time, her brother came jubilantly! =D the stranger's mum asked the brother if they had other siblings. her brother replied no. i asked her... what about your sister??????!!!!!! She whispered "sold away alr..." I was stumped. I was afraid I had hit a wrong cord, evoked awful memories of the lil girl:( I said an 'Oh' apologetically that faded into silence. The mum asked quizzically at me " her sister what?" I retold it. That mum was stunned for 1 mere second, and began laughing " No La! What sold away! Hahaha! Cannot! A pet is it??? Your pet was sold away??????" the girl replied " my dog is called Pepper!" At this moment, the brother spoke! "yeah our dog is called Pepper, real one!" I asked the brother "where is her sister"?? He replied "that one is her imaginary friend!hahaah..." The girl glared at him. Speechless. She boxed him in the tummy! and whined and stormed her feet! and chided - "Why did you tell them that! Why must you say it!!" Brother: " its the truth! lol" Girl: "But its a Bad thing..." and tears welled up in her eyes. *arms crossed* being doublecrossed. cat out of the bag. GameOver.

Ever since that moment, I never concentrated on teaching the kids play dough anymore. I had the urge to ask my psychology friends if childhood imaginary friends were common. But I know they lack the real expertise to enlighten me. I myself had had imaginary friends. When I played masak masak, I made food, and sold it to imaginary friends behind a booth. I spoke to imaginary friends to ask them what they wanted to purchase. Until now, Im afraid I'd have imaginary friends. Often times alone, words of conversation mainly of the past would surface in my mind, and i'd be replaying those verses mentally, as though talking to an imaginary friend. It IS my mind speaking. Still is. The way I always use Me, I and You interchangeably in blog posts.

But. I do not recall a stage of intense deception as the girl has demonstrated. I REALLY believed she had 2 older siblings, when she first told me in the midst of dough modelling. A happy, truthful carefree talk. Even though I know they shouldnt be talking to strangers let alone telling a stranger, Me, their life. But I know I have gained her trust and she was sharing with me. But when her brother told the truth, I felt our liasion (the girl and I) was snapped. I was very worried. How would a 5 year old craft out an intricate life of another being - her sister? and her imaginary Sister being sold away, just to save herself from her woven lie. =( I felt quite shaken by the unfolding of events. She wasnt love deprived. halfway through the modelling awhile after the truth was revealed, she asked me, 'I miss you! Do u miss me too?' The woody stone me replied ' you havent even left yet, we are still here, why would you miss me? hahaha'. It was NOT the reply she wanted. for she embarrassingly gave a =_= face.

I was very worried about her imaginary mind so I spoke with her brother discreetly and found out that it was indeed imaginary. How did he know? She kept talking to herself. :X For how long now? :X -2 weeks already-. Do her parents know? :X Nope, her parents didnt know.:X

If this is serious, it could be Schizophrenia. I aint exaggerating, until my psychology friends can enlighten me if childhood imaginary beings are normal. Schizophrenia beings hear people talking to them, instructing them to do things. It is that scary. :( I hope her parents would realise their daughter's sister soon.

Then, her parents came and she ran to her dad! said byebye, and left being carried in papa's arms,

never looking back once more.

Would these kids remember the playdoh jiejie?

I doubt they will.

But I'll never forget that girl and her imaginary sister

A spontaneous story that made me believe and reproachful for bringing it up

When'll imagination fade? :X

2011-05-27T23:23:00.016+08:00

do you know, that could drive me insane? staring blankly into space and then i strolled around to the outdoor section where i sat on the wooden garden swing and i thought for a moment if i continue like this i'd lose myself in it and become looney. NYJC had a swing just like that! outside the canteen. I recall sitting cross legged there with my other 2 friends who did not know each other, but we sat together, 1 on the ground and chatted nonetheless:) a sweet memory. whenever i return to my position as the toy promoter i feel my youth drifting away because i aint doing anything substantial. when i sit down on the overturned basket I sense eyes staring at me, but oh well so many merely walk pass even without realising theres somebody, me, hiding obscurely at the corner. Today, i'd describe different kinds of children at my play-doh booth. there was a boy who wandered around the toy section who seemed old enough for a lower sec kid. but then he came to play-doh and started meddling around. I stood cross armed intending to intimidate him to no avail. then he rode on the rollerboard, u know the kind without handlebars, just balancing and maneuverring on your 2 feet, whats it called? and banged into a stack of boxed toys which toppled and i shot sternly "excuse me"? and he replied nonchalantly "what? sorry." I wondered if he had been one of those problem kids ive learnt about in social work, or with some psychological disabilities? im consoled that Singaporean kids are so much more well behaved than foreigners. 3 kids that came and created chaos at the booth, one boy mixed all the colours together! and they snatched the playdoh machines and screwed the mechanism with brutality like wringing a towel. hands all over the table. my energy was all drained supervising them im tellin' you. singaporean kids daren't touch anything, they'll await patiently for me to demonstrate, guide and teach. you might say that's too much spoon feeding and non self-initiated. but oh well, they are angels compared to the former who played for its their right in oblivion to the outside world. =( that's bad. there's elitism. Certain children are so well-spoken that i could strike a conversation with them and one older brother even corrected his younger brother's english in a story-telling game. Im impressed! and this Isreali boy shared with me that it is his birthday tmr! so cute. i saw many middle aged uncles and aunties looking at the array of toys with fascination but when they place them back eventually. I know their intention and i really appreciate their love for their grandchildren. While standing idling, 2 male stall assistants began playing on the piano randomly. and it was a comforting respite, away from the CD that replays 100 times a day through the PA system. i thought how sweet that guys could play the piano so well. mind you, they look like ah bengs with brown hair over 1 eye type with a scrawny frame. they appreciate music! reminds me of Jay Chou bu neng shuo de mi mi, and ye qu, and qing tian and qi li xiang... you say they're emo songs but those are the songs that allow me to slow down the days' flurry. his lyrics illustrates life's simple pleasures. when I myself a girl aint musically inclined. but the 2 guys they managed to! for a moment when i relish in the symphonies I thought myself the underdog to them and I was.inferior. What's your goal, AY? I admire them, those 2 pianist store assistants.

2011-05-24T13:44:00.003+08:00

I love discussing on the issue of religion. Because I learn so much from all my friends. and yesterday my friend gave me an answer which Ive been pondering on forever.

I asked if it was alright to embrace every religion in oneself.

and he replied that we cant for we'd become a very confused person.

Oh yeah, I never thought of that and it really does make sense however...

I know that I begin to judge these issues ever since my being in FASS.

It's fine, exploring these.

well, open your eyes see the world!

2011-05-18T18:32:00.004+08:00

My friends are leaving for Germany! and they'll be back ahem.. after 12th june :( haha... But im so excited for them nonetheless! I love airplanes, I love the sky, stars, airplane food... hahaha! and the knowing that I might be in another country in foreign land, floating in another part of space??? =p really makes me wanna go for SEP. I got so excited looking at Geog modules in uni of northcarolina... despite that being the only uni ive researched on so far! hahah... of course Europe is so lovely to tour! My dream of visiting Rome-the majestic Collosseum! the teetering eiffel tower! London's eye! Lourve! rainbow St.Basil's Cathedral! haha! but even if i end up going to US its alright! because i know i'll learn an experience different things after all!!! =))))

I might not have expectations, for how well I perform at school, for I always try my best. But I have sooo many aspirations for the stuffs I wanna be in future! I wanna work for PUB, NEA, in the tourism industry, manage marina barrage, work in the CDCs..... i wanna be so many things and whenever something new pops up that I discover, I feel so filled with hope all over again!

Take a leap of faith and belief! I'll do well whatever I have at this stage in time and see where it leads me! Im happy and satiated this way.

:D

ay//

2011-05-14T14:20:00.015+08:00

For something you arent familiar with, would you try? Is life about risk-taking? If you wont try, you'll never ever know.

Close friends would have known that I love exploring. haha. Anna the explorer.

Open your eyes wide, when you look at the world. Then you will piece information together to empower yourself, when you're out there alone.

It takes alot to enter school all alone, to enter the workforce solo, to plan for the big future based on imaginations and aspirations. Its treacherous.

Sometimes on the bus home from school, I wished I wouldnt meet acquaintances so that I can relish in my musica... It takes a whole lot of courage to brace yourself up and say Hi to the first stranger you meet, cos this stranger is gonna be an acquaintance to accompany you for the journey ahead no matter how short. I thought I liked making new friends. You begin on a clean slate with no mistakes and no grudges. Its a game, whereby you invest your trust. But its a tiring routine.

I was selected for Singapore International Water Week ambassador!!! hahaha!!!! But this, I know is for crafting my future. This international event shall colour my credentials, with PUB's brandname, in this related field of water (geog). hmmm sneaky??? Like Im working things to my advantage? I dont know. But thats a step! towards my big plans or imaginations...

Escapisms.

You assume to be such a brave and noble girl, ANNA YEO. In your thoughts and convictions. But you have escaped from the realities of society, and of death. You have escaped so tediously from your phobia of death for so long now. and of society? Why, your giving up on Social Work module? That i respect my friends who major in social work and those who work for pathlight and love children with special needs. Which I am incapable of because I cannot cope with it.:( Because reality is too bleak and it makes you a sad emo person which renders your life sombre. :( If so, I wondered if all I anticipated was a happy carefree world. Im so ignorant; And then you'll rebutt that your world is in your own creation.

Every now and then, this song resurfaces in my mind, crisp and clear

Thank you for the world so sweet oh hum

Thank you for the food we eat yum yum

Thank your for the birds that sing-a-ling-a-ling

Thank you God for everything lets eat!

I wished you could hear me sing the tune now.

Its a song that GirlGuides sing before we have our meals during camps.

This is a song of conviction that the world can be beautiful in

life's simple pleasures.

I used YOU and I interchangeably, it seems Im talking to myself... but Im unsure which way... haha hmmm...

Thank you for the world so sweet oh hum

Thank you for the food we eat yum yum

Thank your for the birds that sing-a-ling-a-ling

Thank you God for everything lets eat.

ay.starsplash//

2011-04-20T08:14:00.004+08:00

Something triggers,
and I cant help but to speak it.
Its really heartening to see my secondary school mates still so close together. They went Hong Kong together! and the photos Ive stalked on Facebook seem so happy and enjoyable. Life's simple pleasures, with best friends. And you know what? It made me so happy too! Thats why I love looking at photos and such, even though I might not know them anymore, 3 out of the 7 were my lower sec classmates!! and Im so eternally glad that old time friends do persist, 10 years after...
Jingjing has been my great friend for 10 years now!=) GreenyGang, will we travel together too?....
=) I feel that my uni friends might come and go, but... no harm hanging on to this transient friendship for the time being right!
another thing that gave me consolance, or rather, further instilled my beliefs, was that my sec sch nephew has began to witness the magic and unity of Uniformed Groups!!!!! Initially when he enrolled into secondary 1, he was super pissed at us -his relatives- for dictating that he joined a Uniformed Group CCA. and me as his little aunt, supported his mum's idea ferociously (having experienced the worth of UG) and insisted that he joined Scouts (since he was a scouter in primary school and that Scouts was associated with GirlGuides!!! hahaah one big family) but it turned out he was allocated to NPCC, which was good enough!!! Being in NP makes you a responsible citizen too!!! =) and through all his complaints and sufferings, he attended a camp during his holidays and more recently paraded in a ceremony, and he even posted on Facebook (something he never does before) on thanking his friends and to encourage them and to recount the wonderful memories!!!!!!! =DDDDDDD
YOU know, it really really makes me happy that he is beginning to make friends and really fit into the UG family in his CCA. He has made friends from outside, cherished the trainings and Im sure he has learnt lifeskills. Trust me, 4 years down the road, he would recall how such trainings have made him the way he has become. It meant a lot to me. It shaped my crucial growing up years.
Till now, Whenever mum doubts my strength in accomplishing certain tasks, I never fail to reply "because Im a GirlGuide". She got pissed everytime and retorts "so what if you're a GirlGuide? Im a mother!" hahaha....
Do you see that in me then? Because I do! =)

Facebook has demonstrated its prowess for it really comforts me to learn about friends and family's progress through this social media. It has made me smile at the picture perfect moments. Not just the scene, but the entire process of planning and gathering together as a group, away from home. It takes genuine trust.
I'd describe myself as being.. envious. :)

We live in Life's simple pleasures.
Are YOU happy today?

ay.starsplash.

2011-04-06T19:53:00.008+08:00

its a happy day today nonetheless even though the buzzing of an wasp intruded into my pgp room and jolted me awake wide awake and the only Sound that is capable of disrupting my train of thoughts I hate buzzings My whole box of tissue paper has been used killing bugs and insects in my room and so I am going home daily next sem Today was my last day of nature guiding I wanna recount my experience witnessing the individual teachers interacting with their class and their level of commitment and bond with the class It is absolutely obvious which of the teachers have built a close rapport with the class such that every minor detail they would exclaim to the teacher whereas today the teacher walked ahead of her own class and even sat down while we paused She exhibited her discomfort It was disheartening to see the class being segregated into half and them not listening to words I genuinely wished to impart to them Is this the result of upbringing by a care-less teacher And so what kinda teacher would you become ANNAYEO and everyone else You needa have the heart and I reckon rapport is the most precious gratification I might receive being a teacher But for bystanders who have not witnessed the impact of a teacher's attitude on class dynamics like I have today I guess it wouldnt really get to you then

Today is a HAPPY DAY because of the simplest loneliest things I have done hahaha I went to explore Clementi Mall The new Clementi Mall woots The aircon was blazing and the floor was squeaky gleen hahaha and I ate a hearty dinner Alone It felt great Somehow it made me so happy to be sitting at the humble coffee shop and eating my mixed rice It felt like a terrific hearty dinner I havent had in a long time safe from the pouring rain while I eavesdropped on the hokkien conversations of the charsiewrice stall helpers and stole a glance at the food this SAJC guy was savouring lol So I strolled the mall before proceeding to the busstop and the bus arrived immediately to bring me to PGP hooray On FB Randy bro posted on my wall the sweetest message of the day that he missed me and it has been too long a time since we have last met Aint that sweet I wanna go eat at his coffee shop with him and his friend again - the simplest meal yet the most heartwarming one :) and today just now at sungei buloh this boy's nose bled after the trail it was a nose bleed and the Redcrosser-Girlguide in me went to him ready to offer my expertise but even though it was just a minor ailment that occurs frequently to the boy I was glad that I was able to give him my packet of tissue for the consolance that he would feel better =D I am so proud of my physical and psychological achievements through my CCA trainings.

so altogether such simple pleasures made me a HAPPY GIRL TODAY despite my last presentation tmr....

I CAN BE YOUR SUPERHERO baby~ the one thats gonna save you when you're in danger....

:):):) (Superhero by Chingy)

2011-04-01T22:16:00.002+08:00

Im fatigued, But today I learnt that

when you are pissed with someone, simply recall the nice things they might have done, that's what makes the world go round! =)

cos there somebody who pisses me with her attitude every now and then. Our characters do not clique, we behave differently in different circumstances. However, today she offered to assist me in something, and although it wasnt convenient, i declined, but I was so touched with these small actions that people might have, all my negative thoughts of her faded away immediately! In fact, i felt so guilty for brooding over the times she had demonstrated attitudes unknowingly?

So, although I cannot avoid the fact that I disapprove of irrational attitudes ad behaviours, I just needa recall the nice things ppl have done so that I wouldnt harbour such ill thoughts anymore! :)

Last night, I had a nightmare. It was a punishment. :(

Because I took a ziplock bag from... geog lab. I wondered if it was considered stealing. I know it is. So, i had a punishment. It was a fitful sleep. I was with dad, when there were knocks on the door. When dad answered it, three officers claimed to be 'child protection officers' who had come to capture me. It is ironic because 'Child Protection Officers" in social work module, meant officers that took children away from abusive families to provide them with proper care. However, in my dreams these C.P.Officers appeared to be 'police'??

and so, they handcuffed me. I felt the cuffs on my wrist in my dream alright. It wasnt a pleasant feeling.:/ Yet I had maintained a calm composure in my dream when they questioned me if I had taken the bag. I replied truthfully "yes, I took the bag" and returned to the 'policestation'???? with them complyingly. I was prepared to pay for my crime. :( During interrogation, somebody mentioned about the CRC "Convention on the Rights of Children". It just appeared from nowhere in the midst of interrogation. (The CRC was learnt in social work regarding child protection rights, however it didnt fit into my situation at all where i was clearly the culprit!!!! this is so ironic.)

Its just that, I know I shouldnt have taken the ziplock, even though its just a bag, Im sorry. But my apprehensive indeed haunted me in my dreams. Coupled with my probable worry for the content i gotta master from social work module... tada, here comes my dream.

I always dream, of ridicuous things, innocent, desires, whirling thoughts. And I have not ever once been unamazed with the footsteps of my train of thoughts. The power of my subconscious. I feel that it is really a wonderful creation, for reality to transcend dreams and I really cherish my ability to dream and yet recall every single significant or mundane scene. Is this called ... magic?

and yes, Ive learnt my lesson today! =)

ay//

2011-03-27T00:26:00.013+08:00

Today, I did a good deed today!!! hahaha!! =) Susan, Xinhui and I volunteered for Singapore Red Cross as helpers for the tsunami victims of Japan. We were all previous RC members, and I guess the spirit of volunteerism is still within us (which I am so proud of), because I merely emailed Susan, and randomly msged xinhui if they wanted to participate on a saturday, and all of them enthusiastically agreed!!!! I am so glad Im still in contact with such a cool bunch of friends who would happily engage in such activities me!

We were split up, I was involved in admin work - chopping and recording of every number of each cheque... so mundane and manpower consuming... I wondered if this would make a difference to those in Japan after all or am I simply lightening the admin staff's workload so he can return home early???? BUT I consoled myself, (to see this in a positive light! hahaha) that by lightening their workload, they can devote more time to the donation operations to be delivered to Japan! :)

Im contented being a small minuscule part of this global effort! =) and Im really happy!! =)

I feel that because I love volunteerism, much more than planting of trees on campus:( , despite how long since my friends and I have left JC RC, we are still willing to return to that small disorganized building of 'confused' personnels....... DO WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN, AY! =) =)

Yesterdayafter Social Work module lecture, I was enlightened. I realised finally, why there was this inexplainable hesitation with my motivations for SW - Social Work lectures make my life so solemn :(

I cannot major in social work, because every small lil thing I witness in society might revolve round and round my head. SW lectures introduce us to the issues of society, which makes me look at society unbiasedly, however, this almost seems to evoke a negativity in Every single issues I may have observed, and it really renders my life so much more depressing... :(

makes me an emo person. and I tear too easily. During stories in class, my nose never fails to sour and the tears seep into my eyes, but no, I dont cry.

I respect the SW profession,

and I learnt that my zest for volunteerism does not intersect with the social work arena.

So, I shall continue with my simple interest then! :):)

We live in Life's simple pleasures!!

and oh, WHO SAYS SINGAPOREANS ARE UNEMPATHETIC?????? WHO SAYS SO!!!

from the amount of donations collated by by RC which I handled, there was a lady who donated $20,000!!! I was like OMG!! thats not even my 20 years' worth of savings!!!!!! But I trully respect everyone who donated, to make a small difference no matter how small! :)

and people still walked in to donate volunteerily!!!!!! SINGAPOREANS ARE COMPASSIONATE! Im proud to be a Singaporean! Since my 4 years of training in GirlGuides which has nurtured my patriotism, I am so much more proud of Singaporeans today, coupled with local talents like my idol JJLINJUNJIE! ha-ha-ha.....

:) ay.starsplash.

POWER of the Subconscious

2011-03-21T22:41:00.008+08:00

the POWER of dreams.

Do you feel it?

Dreams mean a lot to me.

I live in another world.

I know that it aint real,

But I dont know that Im dreaming in my dreams.

But some scenes are so sweet;

I awake smitten-ed.

Its frightful

How real your dream wants to connect you with reality

Even though dreams, are intangible empty images

Some of which are

Your desires

and your fears

or.

Life's simple happiness.

In my dream last night

I dreamt of touch.

A touch so gentle it made me fly so high; into the sky.

and then in dreams

The faces I witnessed never fail to make me

Wonder why.

Why him, or her.

and Who was that?

I have imagined a non-existent person from scratch before,

with features distinct like

black and white.

I fear this subconsciousness-

this mind that wanders and thinks.

I was afraid someday it would engulf me in

But now

Its not so bad living in this world after all?

ay.

2011-03-14T20:46:00.003+08:00

IM MOTIVATING MYSELF HERE OKAY!

ITS OKAY ANNA YEO, YOU LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES! AND YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EACH DAY!:)

ONE SMALL SETBACK SHALL NOT PULL YOU DOWN,

COS THERE IS SO MUCH MORE I HAVE TO CONQUER AND THIS IS JUST THE 20%.

EVEN THOUGH I NEEDED MY ISOLATION AND MUSIC AND SKIPPING TO heal me,

LIFE GOES ON, AND JIAYOU!!!

WORK TOWARDS THAT GOAL ALRIGHT!

AND TRY YOUR BEST, LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO!

TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH AND BELIEVE!

skipping made my legs jelly and my heart RACE 10 times my sedentary heartbeat rate. I felt 'YEAH' cos my blood is finally circulating!!!!!! XD

thankfully i skipped it away and my music to accompany me when i happen to be alone here. :)

2011-03-14T17:26:00.005+08:00

my Christian Friend thanks God for every little thing nice.

makes me wonder who I, Myself thank for the simple little pleasures I've ever smiled at.

I always say, "weliveinlife'ssimplepleasures". When I do well, I award it to my hard work. But Have I ever thought why nice things and nice people, like angel, were there?

I was distraught today, despite myself being so strong, and being a girlguide, I retreated to my room, pressed the music on, and my tears came.

COMEONANNAYEO. Its not the end, I know its not. and I have much to go.

COMEONANNAYEO!

2011-03-09T15:50:00.005+08:00

This innocence is Brilliance,

Please dont go away.

Times like this when I have so many things to do, I tend to isolate myself, where I figure out how to start going. When Im stressed, I realised I dont talk to people, I dont pick up the phone to message, I dont laugh at jokes. In sec 2, I used to be able to shut myself from the outside world, and I'd scold Carline for not being able to 'close' her ears to external noises whenever we studied in class. haha...
My radio drums... songs I cannot recall because the music is my accompanying background music.
I love encouraging myself, announcing it haha! I'd post it on FB, to tell the world "hey, this is my new conviction, would you help me make it come true too?" :)

I do feel blessed for the acquaintances Ive made in school...
Im happy:)

ay.starsplash

allofthelights;

(kanyewestftrihanna)

2011-03-05T08:39:00.006+08:00

Yesterday, we listened to Charice's Pyramid during SEA lecture, to represent soft power:) How cool is that!

Today Im attending my idol JJ Lin Jun Jie's concert! Its the maiden time and I really dont know what to expect...

This week, I have really happy and pissed and happy hahaha!

and I even lunched alone at the deck one morning!!! Because I was happy that morning, I didnt bother at all about self-consciousness, in fact I was soooo happy eating my yong tau foo and felt so blessed to be a part of this world at that moment in time:)

you know that feeling??? that feeling of happiness it didnt bother if you were the only one around and no one knows you, at all! =)

You know about the Merlion Hotel? I have a fetish for 'National' icons and stuff, it exudes a national pride, something everyone, or at least myself , can identify with, and seek to bring across the world! Its the Merlion being boxed up in a makeshift architecture and put to rent as a hotel. It runs till May and open to visitors during the day. There's a viewing panal that overlooks he Marina Bay area, My Favourite Spot in Singapore!!!:):):) hahaha and the box is painted red, to make it stand out from the neutral themed Marina Area, of steel and concrete architecture. I will visit there. I know Angel will go with me cos he appreciates such things but I reckon... anyway, after exams, I will make it there! Do I sound excited? Yes I do=) hahaha.

Seriously, I feel quite happy with my life right now, not that there are no worries and stresses, Just the simplicity that Im coping well, with work and friends, and I couldnt ask for more, and I am contented. Someone told me Im easily contented which might not be a good thing... but. At this moment in time, Im just happy the way I am:)

AY, have a lil bit of Faith, and Believe, you can do it!!!:):)

ay//

2011-02-27T13:58:00.001+08:00

I was happy yesterday,
because I had Breakfast with Devi.
I visited my aunt, uncle, niece and nephew:)
I teased my niece about dancing to Kpop in the room... she screamed!Haha.
It was family bonding time.:):)
while Dad and Mum went out, on a day tour,
oh well, They went on a Date! haha.
go, go by all means...
It was Bliss =)

2011-02-27T13:56:00.003+08:00

I read my friend's Blog and I learnt that Reality is unforgivingly harsh; no compromises.
Well its this reality and Belief that's the sole obstacle.
And hence, it ended this way. Stopped.
Despite how much I move on, life is good, life goes on with my simple pleasures:),
But last night I saw again, in my dream.
Oh gosh.

2011-02-22T23:36:00.006+08:00

Many things ran through my mind today.
there's something I really wonder if im conjuring this conclusion on my imaginative part. Or, simply my curiosity crossed the boundaries?? Ohgosh. Is this Greek? its.... something spiritual I guess, I reckon its not right for me to speak about :(

Today I visited a drug rehabilitative centre as part of Social Work module.
I liked it. I felt that it was somewhat where my passion really stems from, helping people, giving people a chance.and. Not planting trees. Yes, I care for the environment and its social responsibility. But i'd rather work with people. Im proud that I know the uses of Morphine, what a rehab centre was really for, and of the Yellow Ribbon Project. I might be a medical social worker? I might double major? But I aint ambitious. I'd just learn. I was so interested in this 'chances' thing, I recall in JC1, I asked the teacher if the public would get scared if they walk alongside ex-convicts as part of this Project. Would you? Today, the 'leader' of Breakthrough Missions told me that in reality, society is not of an ideal graciousness to accept them. It was a stark dark truth I already know. My point here is that, when he mentioned the Yellow Ribbon Project, it really rekindled memories of JC when all I was involved in was CIP. Would you give them a second chance? I really want to. But my friend said she wouldnt forgive murderers and rapists. I dont know too, if Im brave enough to do that. I know that If I were the victim, I wouldnt ever forgive them. But.
Its a dilemma, and I have thought about that before.

Breakthrough Missions is a christian organisation. It felt... different being there.
There are several ways to perceive this queerity. Sociology made me analyse this with total acceptance. haha. my coincidental interactions with people have allowed me to learn and appreciate. I am a bystander. watching, thinking. Its treacherous pondering like this, all alone. I felt so vexed I needed earnestly to speak to someone... someone who will not be steered by his personal beliefs. I might not accept the truth, and I refuse to explore further. I feel really vexed and troubled, then. :(

and in times like this I only tell myself its my personal thoughts and I ought to resolve it on my own.
Will you? Are you Brave enough to forgo your personal beliefs to take on this challenge to hear my story?

2011-02-19T00:34:00.005+08:00

SAY HELLO, TO GOODBYE! (shontelle)

Somehow, I feel blessed for all the people I have known.
Yesterday during the first Geog tutorial with stipulated group mates, there's this Year 3 guy as our group leader. as we chatted along the way, we discovered we were both from NYJC!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know, there's just this sudden click of connection. It feels really coincidental and fated! HAHA! People from common grounds share a sense of familiarity, its... magical connection =)!

I messaged YEMIN ytd!!!! (My jc PW groupmate whom I always quarrelled with and has since become my good friend!) and i smsed that I miss him, how was he! He replied " i miss you too! especially during perfumes and cosmetics module cos they mention alot about coco chanel (my PW was on coco chanel) ................." hahah!!! aint it sweet? :):) it takes that bit of effort to pick up the phone to msg someone after very long, to know that the friend reciprocates. Sometimes, you gotta put in abit more to maintain a friendship.

People at NUS are acquaintances? I am glad I attended Oweek, to at least make a few better friends who has accompanied me till thus far... We go out together, hang out, and Lunch :)
You need them, cause you needa help one another out in such a 'Stranger-ful' world.....

Angel is drifting. Im suppossed to let go. Sometimes its disappointing, but Im glad to have known such people nonetheless! =) if you have never known a person, you wouldnt have known how nice a person can be :) I've witnessed it!

ZhangJingJing said "we're both stingy, thats why we are FRIENDS!" hahaha... dont you think a simple sentence as such can say so much about 2 Buddies? =)

I know I am a Lively, enthusiastic (from the number of exclaimation marks you see in my conversations) and cheerful girl... crazy at times, but I do emo. When I emo, its just that Im thinking really alot, letting my mind sort out complexities on its own...
Its a gift the magical mind think that way too =)

Take a Leap of Faith and Believe!

ay//

2011-02-15T00:28:00.003+08:00

Cos I felt the happiness in the atmosphere in school today!
and I still wonder why misleadings whirl around in my head so much...
Maybe today, nope, yesterday was the time ANNAYEO stopped.
everything I've thought of.
ha-ha.

ay//

2011-02-07T20:18:00.002+08:00

there's a very strong sense of achievement for me every odd week mondays :)
Way to go, AY! :)

Do Daddys cry?
I think my dad is so hurt he has turned all his sorrow into depressions that manifest in his everyday awkward bahaviours and turned silent, like night.

2011-02-03T18:33:00.004+08:00

I not your venting machine.
Not vending machine but
Venting being to absorb your frustrations...
Thy love till death do us part??
I dont know what's Love anymore...

If you dont Love me
I'd love a cyborg.
I watched the Cyborg-She movie.
Like A.I - Artificial Intelligence.

But you wouldnt know right.
There's a feeling of missing. Someone, Probably everyone.

2011-01-28T23:46:00.002+08:00

here's a cute conversation with my colleague danny garlic head:)

garlic> dont so stress okay! stress look at MR donkey you will feel happy! :)
(Mr donkey is our christams gift exchange I got his eeyore lol)
ay> oh donkey is at home.....
garlic> how can you leave poor donkey at home? okay since you are so stressed no need to return me the ribbon on donkey.
ay> I never intended to return it alr anw haha! when Im stressed I will coil the ribbon tightly around Donkey's tail!!
garlic> I ask my army of tigger to haunt you!
ay> I ask Bugs Bunny to bite you!
garlic> not yet. Still afew more days before buuny can come out.
(cny then is bunny year)

HAHA. This is childish and innocent. But i just wanna let you figure out how ingenious the link is, from eeyore to looney tunes to bunny CNY... its a magic how a conversation could go, and I feel blessed to have friends as such, Garlic is really brilliant for being able to link up the facts impromptu. :)

2011-01-27T23:39:00.003+08:00

I feel so shag and messed up and I keep replaying Jay chou's Ye Qu. I play songs according to my mood. and I'll repeat the song until i get sick of it and wanna shut down my ears. I know its normal to feel this way but It sucks to feel this way.. its not even all that has begun together, but you are already messing up and its horrible... Dang it. Felt 'broken' by the end of today and i thought I might collapse if i just close my eyes but i know im living alone here, ALONE. and I gotta be strong. Girlguides are strong, and I managed to return to PGP late in the night. I still feel messed up.
Just, messed up.
:X

ay

2011-01-25T09:02:00.005+08:00

I woke up crying.

Dad: Im getting senile, Im beginning to forget things.
AY: *pauses* forget what things??
Dad: I cannot even remember when your friend became independent.
AY: *confusions* which friend?
Dad: your friend Shahidah. (Shahidah went out to work after Olevels)
and i see the ways you speak to me... but I never take it to heart.
AY: *I always chide dad for things he does.*
If I recall vaguely, then, I hugged dad or had the urge to.

I know its a dream, but even when dreaming the realisation jolted me awake.
Brought me to a conviction.

ay.
DO YOU KNOW THE POWER OF DREAMS NOW?
I LIVE ANOTHER LIFE IN MY DREAMS :)

2011-01-20T18:58:00.004+08:00

everytime i stare at these photos, they make me smile at the happy times we've grown up together. Somehow, it makes me a stronger person=)

2011-01-20T18:51:00.004+08:00

In school,
I cant sing by the window after dinnertime.
I see the Ports in the South
Its my respite reaching there;
One day
I'll walk there, alone.
It'll be peaceful and bliss.
cause I'm thinking
Who'd be so free,
to accompany me on such walks
whenever I have my random urges.
You dont expect people to abide by your random requests for company
on mundane exploration trips...
So, I'll walk there alone :)

Would you then know where I am?

ay//

2011-01-13T08:33:00.006+08:00

West Coast Park.
Walked from NUS to WCP.
Explored desolate west of WCP, nothing except migrant workers.
The east had none bicycle kiosks.
Only 6 Playgrounds. Sand filled ones.
No swing, no see-saw.
We played Flying Fox.
Sat the slide.
Climbed balancing beams,
Sat by the sea.
It was nice talking to Kim,
new friends, we recount our childhood and student lives.
Is that what new friends talk about?
How about when all these things are done sharing??

Angel asked if I had brought along the umbrella/
Really?! I asked/
He said he needed time to bring it there/
To wcp from sch/
Have you a Friend as such?
Someone who disregards their
Mine, Myself and I.
A character too genuine like an Angels'.
:)

2011-01-10T21:08:00.002+08:00

I aint no Saint.
Cos I rethink simple actions over and over
Deciding if its wrong
The hesitation was the answer.
But I'm on my way
Give me time
Im on my way there.
:)

BRAVERY.Take that leap of faith and believe.

2011-01-05T22:31:00.006+08:00

I gotta recount my day quickly here, else I'd forget. Rewind to beginning of December, I cant recall who i went out with and where. I have been so caught up everything has become fuzzy. I gotta record it down. Yesterday I wished there was a camera that can capture vivid scenes from my dreams, the one where I created my own landscape of NUS, with a circular garden and yellow painted walls. Sunlight reflected, like Crimson. :) dreams are Magic.

I created a topic for today. "Money can buy Companionship".
Somehow, after every outing with my SSA project group mates, I get a feeling of.. reluctance? We went to the Singapore Art Museum today, because I wanted to go. and they went with me. We explored an exhibition called 'Aromascapes of Singapore'. The artist has extracted 10 plus bottles of smells from our everyday life such as newspapers, cement, ixora flowers, coffee, rice etc and liquefied them into bottles. So we unscrew the bottles and test our senses to guess which smell belonged to what. I failed the test :X. But it was an interesting exhibition, one that questions why someone even bothers extracting scents from our everyday life. Have you ever stopped for the smells in your surroundings?
We then proceeded to another exhibition hall where objects from our everyday life were displayed, each with a write up. There was a totebag on display with rock motiffs. It read, dreams unfulfilled are like rocks. Unfulfilled dreams shadow us our entire lifetimes. Its a burden, like a rock, which we carry everyday like the totebag. oh, dreams. Another object was an overturned cup. There was a big flower design on the base. People turn over their cups to dry them don't they? How many take notice of the base of the cups? This flower design will grow nicer as the cup ages. It will be stained with usage, and mean so much more. Prettier. An eraser the shape of a carat of diamond. You use the eraser to erase mistakes. Sometimes the mistakes are so grave, like how the shape of the precious 'diamond' eraser gradually diminishes.
Have you ever thought stuff like that? I used to. I LOVE to see things from such imaginative, creative perspectives. Always did. As simple as how you picture the clouds to be. But, school doesnt permit such thoughts anymore. They categorise them as daydreaming and unrealistic. Come back to Earth, to reality. You cant express such random inspirations in essays anymore, not in Uni or JC. I recall, the last time i was permitted to write this freely was during Design and Technology in Sec2 when we created our own objects out of wood and acrylic. We interpreted our objects, anyway we expected it to be.
It was a beautifully precious moment when I recall now.
There were 2 volunteers at every station. I desire to be like them, envious of their job. They may be standing there the entire day with few visitors, but when we went, they approached us to provide guidance and to explain more about the exhibit to us, encouraged us to guess the scents! I asked questions, Im glad there are there, to educate the public, that lil much more, if anything. I want to be like them. I need a job like this in my future career. Being able to do that lil wee bit, to people. :) Im really glad I had been at the SAM today.
I told mum: I'm going to the museum tmr.
mum: For what.
me: Intellectual what!
mum: You are intellectual meh?

I realised its not about intellectual or not. I was joking. It was a matter of seizing this opportunity to slow down, stop your play, open yr senses, see the world. Give art a chance. Thinking. Reading people's thoughts in those write-ups makes you think. Have you missed out something like that?

We went to Seoul Garden. I have wanted to go there since dontknowhowmanymonths ago, and I finally went! I forgot I would smell like BBQ after that. But oh well, it was the feeling of being inside seoul garden with a group of people. =) My group mate kept taking food for us. and he cleared plates by bringing it to the waitresses... and he called for assistance not by raising his hand to call, but approaching the waitresses. Im nowhere as cultured as he is. And i wonder how someone can be this refinely cultured... Im amazed, everytime. And henceforth i reckon his character is that like an Angel's.

I went to Kbox. I was apprehensive. Cause I didnt know how to sing Chinese songs that they would be singing. I dreaded that activity, seriously. So, i was forced to sing my idol JJ Lin's songs. My chinese is horrible. I hate singing chinese, Im stumped at lyrics on the screen that I dont know how to read. and chinese songs are emo:(. We sang Zhou Hua Jian's Peng You (Friend). I might have teared. Cause Huanghuan told us her class sang this song to her before she left them to come to Singapore to further her studies. Imagine a class singing this song to you. I really pictured the scene back there. Somehow, its really about self-consciousness. Worries of your monotonous voice, your babyish voice, high pitched, offkey, Wannabe. But you gotta breathe, and Believe in your friends that this does not bother them. Cause we are all singing, Together. That's how I buildup my Courage.

Do you believe in Destiny?
so, is destiny equivalent to nature's way?
Of all days, it had to rain this evening. We wanted to walk 1 entire round around singapore river, past MBS, across the Helix Bridge, past Esplanade and the Merlions. But it rained. The walk has been postponed so many times but today, It rained. and I didnt have umbrella. :X
My friends, dont know what the Helix Bridge is!!!! I was super surprised. I thought it is such a magnificent icon of Singapore. Probably only in my eyes, Im overly proud of the developments in the marina, and the mesmerising night lights. I wanted to show them Proudly the Helix Bridge. and spot the pyrotechnics. Its amazing! Oh well, Im forever amazed with the circumference of the singapore river there. I wanna share that passion. We'll walk there again. I wanna bring them there.

And so, it rained. We headed home. I didnt feel like alighting from the train home. Cause my thoughts and convictions flowed as easily like water:)
Yet i was still sceptical and i asked if the group will still meet up again, after school starts and thereafter.
My group mate replied. It was not a reply of Yes or No or Reassurance.
The reply was Why not?
Why not, AY.

:) Bravery.
TAKE THAT LEAP OF FAITH and BELIEVE.

2010-12-31T00:55:00.007+08:00

Where were you? I thought something might have happened to you, and then I questioned myself If i had committed any mistakes, and then i realised probably you might have discovered my blog by now. I asked the Stars, If you no longer cared anymore. Its that heartbreaking.
Its the last day of the year today. Its 12.55am. and I can cry. I looked at my phone and it read 31st December. and then all of a sudden an outpour of emptiness so strong, pverwhelmed me.
I did Stupid things. I switched off the lights, in case dad enters and sees my tears. but i couldnt see the keyboard and so i switched it back on. I realised I didnt wanna sleep too. Because the night is ending, I cant let it slip away so easily, that easily; not that it would change anything for the past year.
Today afternoon while painting and washing the pipes, i had Jif smeared all over my arms and legs and hair. And at that instant I behaved like a 2 year old, immersed in self-entertainment having fun with my hilarious jif-ed makeup. I felt happy... You call that pathetic, or insane-ness? I feel pathetic.
. I wanna cry but they dont come. When i think about our fragile our acquaintanceship on bed, they no longer come. Maybe Im now cold-hearted; Stone-hearted. Numbed of forgetting my genuine emotions..

Goodbye to you. But you know, I still came online. Random stuffs, you remember you said so before?? Why is that so?
Why do I feel so distraught this last day:(
I dont wanna return to school.
I reckon I might have a phobia of that LT....
// =X :( =(

ay.starsplash.
the power of Stars.
Maybe someone else has overtaken it.

2010-12-28T15:35:00.002+08:00

Today, the National Geographic Sungei Buloh Nature Guide organiser explained to us the importance of Children in society. I admired him and felt him so noble. He said that Children play a major inflence on adults. If a child questioned why a parent failed to switch off the lights, the parent would automatically abide to the act! It doesnt mean throwing facts at the kids, as long as we pique their interests now, along the way, they would have countless more chances to learn. Hence, Children are so important they bring about greater benefits to community. :)
Made me reflect about my role as a future teacher...
Children, the future of tomorrow?

Its such a noble thought and fact that we overlook.
=)

2010-12-25T00:51:00.005+08:00

Its a very special Christmas this year, I've told ya that before. That it feels very much like a fairytale, and probably it did. But this year I attended Christmas eve at Hope Church's suntec event. It was so grand, made me think a whole lot; that was what I had needed. Something worthwhile thinking through and generating those debates within myself, to Hear my own thoughts and beliefs loud and clear, distinct and precise. Its what I am fond of doing. Finding myself, through such purposeful processes. It was my first time there, maiden time being part of a huge mass. Maiden time attending church events with a mind just of my own, to discover and learn. I like learning, and seeing things from different point of views. I applied Sociology evaluation on the topic of Religions during today's event. Too many thoughts ran past my mind. I had been overwhelmed. There was admittedly so much that the Christians believe in and all of a sudden it was too much information for me to comprehend and absorb. I needa understand, for I was trying to understand from their point of view, and I am guilty for admitting that I behaved like a reporter, when I spoke with this Senior who sat beside me who so willingly shared her story with me and that I have so outrageously asked curious questions that I have never known. and i absorbed what she has said so eagerly. Just cause i wanted to learn. There was this moment when the pastor asked the ppl to pray for their friends, and she asked for my permission, and then placed her hand on my shoulder and prayed for me. It was so sincere, I fail to find words to describe that emotion. 'Angel' asked if it had been a good feeling, or a stressful one, but i replied that I dont know. She mentioned my name. and she prayed addressing my problem of dreamings- we had mutual sharing. She prayed so sincerely and truthfully in spoken English aloud I could hear; regardless whether it would work on me, I was so grateful I thanked her with a hug. I hoped she had felt the complicated gratitude? They sang the hymns with so much belief I almost teared listening. It aint the first time I have attended such events and I never fail to be on the verge of tears whenever they sing in unison. Its that overwhelming pride in their belief that rides out at you and seeks to 'drill' the fact into you. The unified strength force out the tears. I respect the faith, I really do. Just like how i respect all other faiths. I believe everyone has something they believe in and If they really do believe,it could be true? we gotta respect them, cause it aint ethical trying to suppress or overcome someone else's beliefs with those of your own. I attended, to see how it goes, and learn, to respect and understand. Its important right, though it sounds so theoretical to you, like what we learn in FASS theories and stuff. It does make a whole lot of sense, for society to jive.
In fact I feel embarrassed to admit that I feel more comfortable being with this youth group compared to OWeek group mates because I'd be branding the groups. This as the believers and being more intellectual while the other as being play play and superficial. Im very afraid to say this. Cause its offending, but I realised this was what I trully felt and I couldnt mask it. And I discovered how well my Protective Shield is. You know the one in which you shun away and shut yourself off from someone else cause you no longer want them to know more about you then they should. The pastor asked everyone in the hall to open their hearts... I couldnt. Cause i know I did not want to.

I shared some of these overpouring thoughts with angel. I dont know how you readers might feel, or opinions it might generate in you. But its christmas ultimatum today. I dont wanna chase empty dreams anymore. I stop fantasising. Hence it shant matter whatever you might then think of me, it shant matter however nice you might be or what I might selfishly expect out of you subconsciously. That's a mean thing. If our friendship is so simple yet true, we'd go far.
I wouldnt bother what you might think of me anymore.
That's stupid, and exhasuting.
Im tired anticipating this game.

Its a wonderful Christmas, with new friends that I need. I went in a bid to expand my social circle and to meet different groups of people:) I like meeting new people. We start afresh, a clean page and start off by being fair to one another and taking the Plunge to trust in the other party. Its exciting taking that risk. and then on if both appears true and open, we'll become Friends.
I told that SeniorIi daydream alot and I am afraid of getting lost in it.
This holiday, I realised that I can live my life with just Music. My life would have been devoid if I were deaf.
I need Music to fill up the spaces.

Merry Christmas, It has been wonderful, an eye-opener, and a lovely day with warm and true acquaintances. =)
I believe in the goodwill of people. I hope to.

2010-12-23T09:47:00.003+08:00

I'm coming home/coming home.
Tell the world that I'm coming home.
Let the rain/ Wash away/ All the pain of yesterday.
I know my kingdom awaits/ They've forgiven my mistakes.
Im coming home/ coming home.
Tell the world that I'm coming home.
:):)

2010-12-23T00:24:00.003+08:00

A horrible movie could destroy my day so badly. A horrible movie "the ghosts must be crazy". It was a charity showcase for a charity event courtesy of Dad's company. Mum said I had no sense of humour. But I benchmark this movie with mainstream ones (like confessions, and inception - that made me think, real hard to learn truths) and I fail to figure out what Singapore is trying to portray:( I couldnt take the satirical connotations which affected me so much I bulldozed my way around after exiting from the theatre.... :/

On the train
Mum told me there was no need to give up the seat for the aunty cause I was carrying dad's office bag.
But you contemplated whether to stand up or not, ANNAYEO.
Don't do it again. Do what you know is Right, no need to think twice, else you'd regret.
and it will shadow you.
Don't do that again.

Its true.
How people who know a fact about you will begin stereotyping.
Hence I held back, every urge to tell you im burdened by that scholarship. Else you'd have judged me differently Right, just like the rest. When one friend commented we deserve our grade cause we are scholars - A thought I have never thought of proclaiming with respect or pride. I wanna just try my best, not work to fulfil requirements. Its a burden if you'd know.... Its not like that. I work, because I dont dare touch the sum of money; lest i gotta pay for breaking scholarship bond? So I work to fulfil personal luxuries. Catching up with friends itself is an investment. A simple meal is an investment, small chats to learn at least 1 new happening about your companion is sufficient. Its laborious?

Last week passed by so quickly probably because...
Does Christmas ultimatum still hold true?
Let me sort it out.

ay.

2010-12-19T11:31:00.006+08:00

Last night,
there was a mean thought.

A part of me wished you wouldn't return anytime soon.
So i wouldnt think so much; its exhausting and frustrating.

ay, you blame others for your own speculations.

Christmas is here, feels like a special one, yet everything goes according to plan. cos
You feel it special, that's why.

2010-12-08T10:13:00.004+08:00

Yesterday,things occurred too rapidly in a flash; I just know that I had mustered enough courage, from my first previous encounter to do what I wanted. I took a risk.
dont toy with it.
i fear
one wrong turn will turn my heart
To Stone.

Your misleading;

2010-12-04T21:06:00.005+08:00

If a man walked up to you and requested for $2, would you give him? What if he pleaded that he had left his wallet or sth like that and he needed just $1, One buck will do, to get home? Ride the bus home? I gave in. It was risky. I declined the request along some quiet lane here. But he pleaded and I thought if it was alright people giving away some pennies for a stranger's bus fare at the busstop, it might be the same situation here. I was hesitant. I reluctantly mentioned Wait, and began digging first into my Fila bag, then my handbag...(i was carrying 3 bags that day) and he advanced towards me knowing i was willing to offer help. and I retreated! Dang It! It was so risky he might snatch my wallet away! So i turned slightly around to take out a $1 coin. Then i was so afraid he might snatch my bags and run off... Dang it! I handed him the coin precariously like Seriously!!! and he thanked me and even mentioned god bless you...
I really wonder if he could have been a crook, or just any helpless stranger looking for a good samaritan, but.. he could have seriosly took out a penknife to make me hand over all my valuables and... and... snatched my bags and run away?? BUt i couldnt run away along this street in the lazy afternoon, he could have threatened me and snatched my stuff nonetheless??? What would you do? What would you have done? =X
I didnt have the guts to recount to mum, she would chide me.
But if it were really a penniless man trying to get home, its just a dollar I would have sacrificed. But But.
I hate it when such issues are so ... controversial I cannot get an Answer, at all.

These are the times you gotta make a decision on the spot, and if it were a mistake, you dont blame your innocent, genuine heart.
Its just an ideallic world you wanna imagine it to be, ay?

2010-12-02T20:25:00.002+08:00

Have you asked yourself why someone meant something, at all, to you? I figured it out. With words after so long. I figured Its because i could be childish and true as I am, and that person would accept it and appreciate these simple things of genuinity. And that tt person would listen, or read, whatever, you've got to say. No matter how banal or random it is. that makes you go only to this person. Because, that is the real me.
and someone like this is too special to let go. too rare and precious, like Angels. Not anything, but it just means so much to you, for you are sincerely grateful.

Today i received my maiden free cuppa frappucino from Starbucks' Christmas giveaway. It made me ponder whether people bothered about the cause of this event at all? But, by donating, arent we already doing a part to help the needy? Regardless of genuine compassion, or out of obligation, like that's the norm, the procedure to act accordingly to? Its so controversial i feel myself so XXX for even bringing up this issue. Because, the drink was free. and my friend and I simply took out some cash to donate. But I never bothered if I could have done more, if 2 bucks I've donated was sufficient? and if. queuing simply to enjoy this privileged free drink made us greedy Singaporeans? Did it? I'm ... confused.

ay.

2010-11-30T21:42:00.010+08:00

As human beings, we speculate. Connect pieces of subtle meanings together and create a story, well, I created my story this way. Your actions with subtle meanings, makes me fatigued reasoning and anticipating the reason or mere normality of it all. Exams are over, gave myself slack to think. Till Christmas. and thereafter throw it all away and move on with life. Silly acts of reading the same msg 10 times over in a day. Simply trying to figure out the motive behind obscurity, or randomness? Its a treacherous thing to do, debunking with a mentality of not expecting anything and whatever outcome, so you wouldnt get hurt. The outcome? cultivation of no extreme expressions of despair or exhilarations. Mum asked why I had become so cold? And you told me that we cant be heartless; the heart is always there, just that the emotions go away...

But. Why are actions so misleading? the way i perceive, and oh tonnes of reasonings, culminates into an expectation, so much so if the routine does not occur any one day, the dream bubble bursts. :x

Its difficult to control the mind, especially one that wonders ever so freely. Gosh, im misfit?

If each of these santa hats could answer 1 Question... ...

ay//

2010-11-27T10:35:00.003+08:00

awoke and realised
it might feel lonely, without you.
in time to come.

happiness when I hang out with 2 very genuine friends, we respect each other.
you feel the warmth of friendship in christmastime :)

ay-
you convince yourself it was not whatever you imagined it to be. x

2010-11-18T18:12:00.007+08:00

Angel said - "thank me by not giving up on your module".

2010-11-14T21:42:00.004+08:00

Its so Scary you dont know you're doing the right thing. everyone else on their own. and you know you're in this race alone. Gotta be strong, recalled what Mr Gary Neo told me - Never Ever lose faith in Yourself!

If Im lost, do you know where to find me?
The answer is in my posts.
Just in case, I got lost.
Oh thats so scary...

comeon AY.
You can do it.

2010-11-11T02:50:00.005+08:00

Its 3 am.
I stroll; like i always do.
The ports in the South-
like the City that never sleeps.
The gentle breeze crawls up my legs
and twirl around my arms.
Tingling, like Peppermint.
Silhouettes-
flash by contours of my eyes.
Do the People not go away yet?
Oh! and I remember Im near the coasts.
flickering lights from the Ports
containers move, like sentosa's monorails.
1 level up,
I spot a road leading through the Port.
Its magnificient.
could the night linger
on and on and on
and People never went away.
Must I stay up only till then;
to witness this Solitary Beauty?
Why, am I the only to see?
the City never sleeps,
just that the people go away...
I can live my World
like this.

2010-11-08T18:53:00.004+08:00

Now do you know why i dont hold high hopes at all? I dont.
I saw that second of disappointment in your face too when you came back with the report. and i felt i ought to encourage you and myself, and everyone that Its Alright. We'll work hard together, again! but. the truth has still hit so hard right?.
there was an impulse to shred it up:x
Its the last lecture but i didnt feel the way i should have.
sam said " but we have enjoyed the process, right:) ".
yes. but i wonder. is the process important, or the grade? when after all everything in uni determines that grade?
Both are as precious, ay. hold close to your heart.
I'll work very hard for my final essays. I'll work very hard.

When im emo, i eat. Ate 1 big bowl with happy friend seowhwee. and then, live goes on!
'viyondtoldmethat=)'

YOUCANDOIT, ANNAYEO!=)

youwentthewayinormallygo, buttodayIdidnt-.

oh well,
dang it...

2010-11-05T19:38:00.005+08:00

youcandoit, AY!!!

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?:)

The heartening thing that happened today was when guanyi gave me a hug when we met after sooooo long for his hiatus in army!

It was just me but it was alright because i know all of them too well, to be in their company. but there was a sucky thing i have done was that when amos approached me i retreated back and.. stumbled into a young girl - who complained to her mum =_= . Kids today... :X but i have apologised to both her and her mum! Nevertheless, the point is that I cant accept my unsporting act for retreating back. Im sorry.

ay.

2010-11-04T00:02:00.004+08:00

The Biography Books we passed around in Primary 6 for friends and teachers to write on, were our "Facebook" back then.
do you remember??

Today, im impressed by what my friend told me the nice things people do to help their group mates. People who barely know each other.

I take a risk to restrain from virtual world for the sake of my studies.
I needa prioritise,
but somehow I fear letting go-
cos its too precious to lose.
Would you not stray, then?

Today, we scrutinised the perceptions of visiting sec students on us in NUS. They are are so vitalized with powerful minds. I do feel young like them, just that the circumstances aint longer the same.
I feel overwhelmed by the stuff I learnt today. And i cant retaliate, to counteract. For im not strong.
Push On ANNAYEO.
Dont give up.
Remember what your hated Baldy told you when you suppressed your tears of demoralisation:
"Never, lose faith in yourself".
I wished it was drilled and implanted within me to give me that strength.
Push On, ANNAYEO.

for the little things you, we do.

2010-10-26T21:13:00.002+08:00

At the end of the day,you realise " you've survived the day, annayeo" :)

2010-10-25T17:26:00.005+08:00

Today, submited our group report. somehow there's a strong tugging reluctance, for it signals the end of it; we might not meet up and hang out randomly as a group often anymore, and its yet another story, of Acquaintance. and Today i figured out it was not as i have wondered it would be. For it aint at all. and today I sorta grasped the truth of my entire speculations. I'll Stop.

2010-10-25T13:24:00.007+08:00

I was at project discussion yesterday at Bugis. and the world below me passed by. If i flunk my studies, I'll be a sales assistant at one of these stalls. Lego stalls. Seems lovely. But they tell me sales assistant is one of the worst jobs ever. but why?

Just that, I failed to muster the guts to tell mum so.

and i will never ever be able to tell certain ppl other stuffs - secrets?

I never have the courage to tell...

I could still fit into my Greeny Uniform. I feel so proud of that. Gonna wear it to GreenyBBQ. Have you got wacky friends as such, who plans a Greeny Clique BBQ with Greeny Uniform dress codes? They are my closest pals. :)

ay.

2010-10-24T00:20:00.001+08:00

I dont know what Im doing anymore.
I dont feel the pinch when i spent that large sum of money
and I lose track of time.
I wanna drop outta school but I might as well get slapped for that thought.
Msn dosent show my display pic anymore.
and I really dont know
What I am doing anymore.
//

2010-10-22T02:49:00.001+08:00

it was horrendous Thurday.
But i went down for a stroll. and
ironically, the chinese songs in my mp3
sorta calmed down my flustered senses...
I found the remedy?
:)

2010-10-21T08:28:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, we explored a path by the garden. A ferocious black cat blocked our path up the stairs; and frightened us away.
Yesterday I totally disregarded european studies lecture - I forgot I attended them.

2010-10-19T21:07:00.003+08:00

today we watched people yet again at The Deck.
I felt enlightened. Talking to gal pal Devi, cleared me of my recurring thoughts. We spoke of religion, and its a true-blue HTHT, not superficial orientationgames.
I have figured some distinctions in people of specific religions, somehow some christians are honestly so kind and hearts pure of gold I wonder if their faiths charter their character values. and generally speaking, most christians have quite alright or well-off financial backgrounds. And devi analysed my speculations sociologically =p. It all boils down to education! Because most christians are converts, from their studies of religion as such, education leads to improved mannerisms and etiquette, and economic stability. and i realised - sometimes envy of - the big social circle the youths immerse in in church. A group of friends who believe in the same thing together and are bound by this invisble power. Friends who will engage in the most mundane things with you?

When you meet people with hearts Pure of Gold regardless, You Cherish.
ay//

2010-10-16T23:06:00.004+08:00

It was beautiful, but i have lost words to describe it; would you picture it then?
I feel decieved into a vitual world ... wheneever the phone is in your hands... I take it so badly, i could scream at you. Its as though I have been mislead.
Yesterday I scaled the Southern Ridges with my Singapore Studies Proj group mates. Unexpectedly, all 4 of them turned up. Can you belive it? Mere strangers accomplished such random things with me!:) Hort Park was beautiful, I would bring my students there! Never before have I felt this enthusiasm and anticipation regarding my future career as a teacher. It was totally well-maintained and manufactured, I wished all of Singapore's Greenery would be privileged with the same care. Reminds me of Mrs Ismail, my sec 4 Geog teacher - her Caixin planting sessions during class. Those were the innocent days.
The Long Long Path. Somehow, i wished i would walk on and on and on, away from cvilisation. where no one would bother me with my earphones plugged in. Will you walk it with me again? I dont know. On Henderson waves, we did random things. We did yoga. Breathing deep and out, disregard of passersby's glances. Because Huang Huan taught us "Imagine, that you are part of this World." I stared at the blue vast sky. Breathing deep materialises our minute existence. It was inspiring, on Henderson waves=).
It was roughly 8-10 km.. and you know what? NONE of them complained a word. We chatted random stuffs, walked random paths, took random photos. After dinner at Vivo we stared at the stars at the rooftop. Samuel stared hard, harder than me. He pointed out the faintest star. Did you love stars too? Stars were a secondary fetish for me, so mystical now. Stared at people, lights from sentosa, lights from the ports (in the south). I didnt want to go home. We played songs and guessed song names. Took turns. Till it was too late we had to abandon the night. I know the fact that with these lights, The city never sleeps; just that people go away...
If Im heartbroken, on the verge, I'll go walk the park, solo. From NUS to vivo. With my earphones, no one will know my background. I'll recall the route we have taken yesterday. Beautiful moments; Relinquish the fact that I am a part of this world.
I wouldnt get lost. Because im determined to complete the path. But i hope that day will never come. It would signify a totally lost AY. AY on the verge, when the entire world turns its back on me, and I wouldnt mind getting consumed by the forest.
Have you got friends who would do such random stuffs with you, walking the desolate woods, doing yoga publicly, lying on the platform seeings stars...? I stared hard, hoping the stars can decipher -the squirms within me. I'll back off so you'll live the way as it is.

ay.

2010-10-13T18:28:00.007+08:00

Today I had a good chat with my 2 friends, we were connected by a common thread - our schools. It was a truthful talk and the more deeply they went, the more it brought out my fears that I have tried so hard to allay. That was when i realised it was I, who hasnt tried hard enough. rather than blaming , have you questioned your effort put in despite its strangeness to you? and it surfaced that it was my pride of losing whatever scholarships or benefits that i am currently receiving, that made it all an irrevocable situation of futility. Lower your pride, AnnaYeo. and. try harder. are you still alone? They tell you you arent alone. but. define alone, inline with my perceptions? or you arent alone in this rat race, or that you arent the stupidest? missed.

2010-10-12T20:40:00.004+08:00

I miss the happy times. Happy times with happy people; without fears. I should be reading the newspapers now but im in cyberworld; who's here too? So i wouldnt feel the way i do. Im looking forward to Friday. So badly. The hike. Im concentrating so hard to be alright, I forgot to breathe. Do you need icecream or dark chocolate? Im beoming heartless here.

2010-10-08T15:47:00.008+08:00

Love that bus ride home.
Everytime the bus passes by MacRitchie Reservoir
I'll search for that opening
among the jungle of trees.
cause that's the path that brought me Glory -
being 32th in my Sec2 cross-country run
despite my tears
for not obtaining a trophy;
cause i stood 2 positions behind the top 30.

they do the random things
With Me.
cause my good friends know me too well
its alright to turn me down.
New Friends;
and peculiar AY.
Im surprised. Very.

me and my random aspirations
genuinity makes you ponder
where they come from?
but its flitting.

maybe, maybe because I had no siblings.
its really special,
just that they wouldnt know.

but again,

everytime the phone is held;
you worry too much.

2010-10-04T21:39:00.005+08:00

plummeting, plummeting, plummeted.
for being stubborn and
thinking too much.
but sometimes.
it occurred naturally
stop it.
just that it wouldnt cease just like this.
so stop it.

nomu a-a-a-apa, naega a-a-a-apa.
song: t-ara's Im really hurt.

2010-10-02T09:45:00.004+08:00

flicked on the comp and i wonder where you are.
but im afraid, very afraid
whenever the phone is in your hands.

everyone laments
" where were u when i needed u "?
they disappear but my closests do get back;
their genuinity, makes me tear.

we're playing a game
cause i see too much into things
the unrealistic and Ambitious
searching eternally for the make-believe.

there arent planes in the sky over there.
only stationary lights (ports from the south)
but the glare fail to illuminate
My reality from ... ... those virtual words.

2010-09-29T19:27:00.003+08:00

i never imagined i will be so hit by the fact that the module which i gravely regretted taking up, will make me so utterly demoralised that my breath plummetted 10000 leagues when i saw 58/100. havent encountered such a horrendous score for a long time, for ambitious and hopeful ANNAYEO. even though i was prepared all along. it felt so... wasted? the music doesnt perk me up anymore. the new music my new friend introduced me yesterday. when we talked till 2.30am. it was sweet.
i realised some people take others for a substitute for escapance from the mundanity of life. i did that. and i dont want to fall deep-again. i realised sometimes you desire it so much you cant help it.
and i know the fact i have to work very very hard in sem 2. I aint afraid. but im just utterly disappointed in myself this time round. ANNAYEO.

2010-09-28T07:31:00.005+08:00

Im gratified with every little small act people i havent known well- acquaintances, or strangers that have done to me. every little sweet thing.
a simple " eh, you sure you wont get wet ar..?" makes me ponder real hard.

2010-09-17T22:52:00.001+08:00

feels fine,
feels better,
it'll be fine! :)

tmr, when i give myself a chance to befriend
and erase all the stereotypes
to believe
genuinity.

ay.

2010-09-13T20:43:00.006+08:00

I wanna go home :(

2010-09-08T20:10:00.005+08:00

Grant a wish for a kid!!:) Its a controversial issue. This charity event is organised by NUS.

FRIDAY, is the outing with GREENY Gang:) haha!:) MISSED THEM ALOT.

ay//

2010-09-05T18:54:00.004+08:00

I have the urge manyatimes to be bad. To go clubbing and be bad. Just try to be rebellious against myself for once. But I havent. Because I dont want to go alone.This has always been inside me, for many years to come. To be wild where nobody knows. And letting it pass by the next day. there's this side of me, did you know.

there was expensive bbq yesterday with my og, and Annayeo, you said you didnt want to go. But the company had been great:) It was wellworth 20 bucks. But then you ask if these friendships do last, talking bout eyecandies, this and that. Were they superficial stuffs and small talk? and was it obvious that at this age, we are still forming girl-cliques?? but it was so awkward hanging around the guys, older than us, who arent close to us, and trying to make small talk is the hardest thing in social relationships. Why are the guys in uni so different? OR. Is it just me? :(

ay.

2010-08-28T09:30:00.005+08:00

This morning, awakened, and it felt like I really miss all my friends, espcially my male friends so true I have not contacted since they've enlisted into army. You say i dont talk to guys, but my male friends, a handful of them, are the bestest friends in my life who would stand by me whenever whereever. Like Randy Bro, who is literally always just a phone call away. And the girls are involved in their activities now. Yet somehow through mutual friends, we discover that we both know that same person! and its really a warming feeling:) Im enjoying my hostel life. But theres a lingering guilt. Who's gonna take care of my parents? Not like they cant take care of themselves, but at least when Im home, i could lend a listening ear to mum. Curb dad's bad habit of clearing his throat, help mum with her aching back. Im the only child so I ought to do that. But i aint at home. and everytime upon returning to school after 1 day home, my tears well up secretly in my eyes and I turn away. Yesterday, I returned home and hear that mum had a tiff with dad. This always happens; but this time round, i just aint around-.
You know the feeling of happiness? When i sat beside my eyecandy oneday in school, I felt the urge to shout and exclaim! to my friends. Haha. Childish games. Just some kinda fantasies to keep sane, living my own world at PGP. Here, it seems you're living in an estate, but you stroll pass strangers everyday without taking more than a glance at their faces. For they look like replicas, and you look eyetoeye but they turn away before you could take a second longer to smile. On FB, vishal commented "I miss seeing how you wave to almost everyone you knew at ny in the mornings or during breaks or while walking to our next venue!" are you still doing that often now, Annayeo? Only now that I realised, my NY friends noticed; these mere everyday gestures defined me. I took a module: Changing Lanscapes in Singapore. But no one knows how much love this module brought. It analysed the Sinagpore River, CityHall, The Green schemes of Sinagpore, Marina Barrage. etc.. But my friends went 'what's so nice about that?' .
Dont forget, AY. Things, people far away, Life's simple beauties that used to astound you, only you.
Even the radiant night lights from the cranes at Ports in the South.

ay//

2010-08-07T22:57:00.002+08:00

There are so many first times in life
I can begin a notebook of all my first times.

First time at Kbox(english!) - it wasnt daunting like i thought it'd be. It wa so enjoyable, if you could pretend no one hears you and just scream out loud... YES! i did it for Cascada's Everytime we touch! =) love-love.
First time cabbing home rushing with the tick of the minute hand to 12 after BBQ.. it was so exciting!!!!!! =D
First time staying alone in hostel. I got to learn to be independent right?
First time attending a Fun camp, I realised all the previous camps I've attended were training camps. Camps where I learnt to tell myself "Push on, AnnaYeo. A little more, a little more to go. You're strong, you can do it!" loved the spirit of training camps.

ay.

2010-08-05T00:32:00.003+08:00

You know the story of heartbreaking?
When a knife pokes and you inhale a gulp of air just to awaken. These feelings pass in no time, but it always feels the same way, at that instantaneous moment, everything suddenly becomes constricted.
Im tired but I cant sleep yet.
When fantasies take me overboard.
Stop dreaming ay.
Gotto return to school soon;
Back to reality.
And get on with life.
Well, my friend taught me: well, Life goes on.
Give me this week. I'll get over it.
The heartbreaking.

Camp. camp.
camp where we feel insignificant.
Because those who stand out channels the limelight.
When I didnt talk or step up, I recede to the shadows.
Like background designs.
Its disappointing,
moving along with the flow.

Seems like every group Im in, we dont win. and every game I play, I'll make a mockery out of it. Just that ppl dont laugh, for it didnt matter to them that I was the one playing.

I'm fatigued.
Gotta organise my thoughts;

2010-07-25T12:59:00.005+08:00

Well well well... ...
the applications for EVERYThing in uni has been closed before I even knew there was such an activity and the deadline is long over!!!!! :( pilates and yoga has been closed!:(
I feel so lost in NUS... from the moment I submitted my application form till now!!!

Facebook-hopping, I looked at how my childhood friends have grown=)
Boys that once spoke of brotherhood... now i believe are mere hi-bye along the streets. Its bitter-sweet. The process of buddies drifting away, and how they have progressed into fine young promising men from the FB pictures... :)
that's the beauty of being connected!

do you feel there's something unspeakable missing now?

2010-07-22T12:03:00.005+08:00

Inception defies gravity. Makes me think so very hard to catch up with every progression in the story. and Boom! it all links up automatically. A very special piece of work it is. But scary, thinking it is possible to have 3 levels of dreaming - for me who always dreams. Dreams, can alter your perceptions of reality, and make you trapped in it forever. I've had this fear before.

You lose track of time when you're in another country. Like walking in space. And i couldnt comprehend anything around me fast enough for Im already back in Singapore. I'm cautious of how the oversees locals deem us, foreigners. I didnt appreciate Thailand enough. When you're in another country, Time becomes Elastic.

Yesterday, I finally dreamt of Greeny Gang again, after months. I only saw Randy bro, and JJ... some other faces werent as conspicuous. Does Greeny Gang sound alien to you now? I used to talk about them all the time. How have these 7 months changed me. Do you ask yourself that?
I feel, I'm struggling, a little.

ay.

2010-07-11T00:08:00.004+08:00

I commit actions, that I wouldnt regret not doing.
helped a family whose kid's nose was bleeding at harbourfront station. Nothing to gain glory , But, i felt the need to help cos my CCA was Redcross. and it was a Duty, and responsibility having obtained the cert.

2010-06-25T21:21:00.017+08:00

I spoke of many things. I wanted to leave this job to see the world. But Today, I realised, I've done so. For I've seen, the beauty of people around me. People whom I have always perceived as in my AY's Perceptions.

What touched me most, was what my night shift colleague has done. I never expected a guy to do a card, so neatly and sincerely written, with a poem i had randomly penned at work. Poems were a Sec 2 history, a talent that had flowed so willingly like water... But that notebook has already been dumped... yet the poem in the card contained every single word I've composed. I cant help, but to recall why i had penned such an emo poem, to see it only so true-fit on my last day.
He mentioned the lil things i did at work; the chocos i've left for him (but because i didnt eat chocos), the secret exchanges of words and poetry (but it was only because I found it exciting! to await a secret reply everyday... when he stopped replying, i stopped, thought i was overly childish.), the cheerful decoration of stars on our workdesk (i claimed it my playground ever since tt bday celeberation), and the sincere waves of goodbyes everytime you finish your shift and i begin mine (but i logged off super fast...).
I fell silent and sad reading it. didnt know he'd appreciate all these lil everyday acts. didnt know people would ever see such a Prominent meaning behind such simple but honest gestures. Im remorseful, for underestimating him.
today, he prank called at 11am to disturb me. I thought he had been a genuine, angri-fied Respondent. A call, that put me to test, to make me realise certain issues.
My farewell lollipop gift, cannot make up for what I have overlooked:(

Today, was the last day for one of those inspirational talks with Brother Kueh.
WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE?
Have you asked yourself that, ANNAYEO.
people would think money, Happiness, health.
But, RESPECTABLE Bro kueh answered Chances.
it sets me thinking. a whole darn lot.
I used to think that i think alot alot. But i suddenly realised mine were mostly empty, incompleteness that I brood over...

No more such inspirational talks anymore, You'll Learn on YOUR OWN, AY!
and I wished I have the courage to shout that to myself.
Did I cry today? Everytime after whichever job or activity I've gone, I'll feel attached so easily, and leaving and stopping altogether is such a misery. Give me 3 days.

LOVE.
Maybe I'm in too young a position to comment on Love. Do I even know what's Love. But today, i asked if married couples still love each other. Somehow, i feel that my parents no longer know the beauty of Love in itself, they dont communicate. Mum's love for dad is the sense of dutifully providing for him.
But I, cannot feel a hint of their kinda love.

Isnt it amazing how strangers can eventually interact and become good funky friends?? Today, after lunch, we played FRISBEEE at the secret recreation room at level 3 of Singtel:) there was such a big group of 11 of us, old and new! and the two teams, have built a very strong image in my memory forever.

At work, we watched a baby dino soak up water, to grow into what you see now, as Big Dino. Heard of water babies? This, is water-dino. and its true! The look of awe and shock when i opened the tub, brought pure joy and happiness to Vong and I. That was called, laughters.

People come and go huh, how many times must we move on in life, how many people do we meet but manage to keep in touch, how much time to understand people? Its my last day, and I'm very touched with what each individual might have spoken with me today. I might not walk past my market to go to work everyday for 3 1/2 months ever again, but I know the bonds forged is so precioussssssss MY kind of gem, money cannot buy. :)

ay.
census of population 2010.

2010-06-19T17:11:00.001+08:00

Oh, mum...

2010-06-17T17:10:00.005+08:00

paper planes had to be recycled, AY!

2010-06-12T20:19:00.007+08:00

replied every single tag on my FB wall:) thank you.
and i had some wild thoughts seeing a mere FB tag on my wall. haha.
caught up with renjie. its been really long:) like lost total contact.
I dont know when i will run into them again, need their help again, or... associate with them again.
Like how i met Sir Jonathan at PC Show yesterday, it was so nice meeting my senior, who has been a very respected leader in Uniformed group in AMKSS. OMG, he's going FASS and the FIRST person I know who intends to major GEOG too!!!!!
and meeting ex colleague from Watsons 2 years back!
but on FB, sometimes i dont know... who's that whom i have added, who's that who has wished me happy birthday HAHA!!
and that these ppl self-given themselves english names.... OMG... okay, cool. lol.
Every year, i rank every name. For no particular reason. It seems that Virtual World has overtaken any other forms of sincere communication modes... well, we gotto move on, dont we?

Surong aka Monsy:) / Soewhwee / viyond / hongsoon aka bro Kueh / Qingyun / Fazil / Shun Qiang / Shahidah sasquatch / Pamela / Huiteng / Louisa / Eileen / Beijia / Hongwei / Jiajin / Cheryl Tan / JingJing!!! :) / JinJie / Fahmi / Yilin / Vishalini!! / Susan / Luqman / Kianlam / Mingwei / Patricia / Winy / Jiajin / Huiting / Meixin / Angie Mambo / Devi Shree / Aurina / weilin / Xinyi / serene / khee yau / stacy / Guanyi / BoonKeng / Peiqi Pumpkin / Danny aka Garlic Head

- The New and my most treasured friends -

seems like every birthday, including last 2 years' was simple but fulfilling! Fast Food had its fill in my tummy!!

WAY TO GO AY!!!

1 MORE YEAR TO GO! HOPE I'LL STAY YOUNG THEN! HAHA!

:) =)

2010-06-06T22:48:00.019+08:00

Photo galore!

My fake muffin

GUESS WHO CUT WHICH STARS!!! CORRECT GUESS GETS A PRIZE.

The cute koala. love that face!

my starry desk, Feels like im in the GALAXY.

My birthday scrolls!!! touching notes huh. someone stole many bubbletea straws haha.

my bday celebration came with DETAILED PLANNING by an engineer. lol

the sasquatch.

SWIMMING DAY!!!!!

lOOKS LIKE BELOW TOO XD!

Qingyun, Jingjing and I
FRIENDS SINCE SECONDARY TWO222222...

7 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP:)

in the cinema.......

love the streamers created from light!

that's all:)))

2010-06-06T20:16:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry I thought that way haha! :)
sasquatch is leaving on tues... aziz on sat, newfren on tues and 25th all of us will be gone, and Cluster A will eventually be invaded! I doubt i will ever have a chance to lay foot there ever again.....

makes me feel loved -

2010-06-05T22:47:00.008+08:00

Dear Bloggy, its my birthday celebration today! it was too early, and a tad disorganised, but nevertheless, my party! haha :) Was it a day for me to be 'queen'? haha!
Havent heard my own birthday song in ages... I remember in sec 4 when carline and kianlam came to my playground with a slice of cake, is that considered? But that month mum and I had been in a cold war, sweet 16 aint sweet, ... bad memories *throw away*!!
And i wasnt gonna cry at all alright!! Just that this morning, everything just occurred so quickly like in a Flash.. so peculiar a morning - I had told a teeny white lie at hm, then when i arrived, Shahidah and her bear with their Oh-So-Convincingly-Suspicious expressions!!!! and the next moment I was sitting on my chair in my starry wonderland singing a birthday song to myself... LOL... I didnt have time to comprehend anything, ... A-Ha! and seriously, I hadnt expected it to be today...
I'm sorry I appeared a lil sad; for in actual fact, I really didnt know how I was to react! :) and everything seems jumbled, so I gotto word it down to straighten my thoughts.
Sincerely, Thank You very much Sasquatch Gang for all the effort. The Starry Desk, & the Individual notes meant everything, I might have asked for, if I could choose =)
Sitting at a distance admiring my desk, the starry desk resembles somewhere among the galaxy, so child-like yeah, kiddy, but filled with innocence and freedom - in its freestyle forms and sizes of paper cuttings. I feel different sitting there, and it makes my day, as simple as that. I wished the stars can be Planted there forever, for when i see their scatterings, I feel so happy, pure simple happiness, and I call it Love.
Vong wrote "May the stars at your area represent shooting stars (imagine) and you'll have infinite wishes to last the rest of your life!"
It meant alot. =) and i had thought it once that way too......

The notes were truthfully written. They spelled out who I am, and what I might have been. I'm surprised my colleagues learned about me within a mere 3 months, cause in JC, no one ever joked with me this way, or thought me this way like you all had. You wouldnt imagine. How immersion in work can make people oblivious, and heartless. and its true, I aint this cheerful bubbly girl at all in JC. Devi-L: "your presence in itself makes people happy." Have I? I hope I have, subconsciously. But I wished you guys to be happy too :) You guys make me sound so great and precious.

I love my fairytale wonderland - at my desk.
I love how the big cake makes me feel so wealthy with possession.
The notes that makes me realise;
and I know that no matter how all of you tease me, you care and makes me special:)

I'm deeply grateful=)

Cranes will bring you all hope to share.
It'll give strength, whereever you go, dear friends =)

I guess the little disappointment in TODAY, would be reading edison aka nicholas's note.... Lol... even if he'd been afraid of me due to the scandals of me and him, come on; you could have written at least a HappyBday right?? haha!!

Finally I've changed my phone! It was Dad's phone, using it in remorse, since the day I lost my own birthday phone 1 year ago, gift from mum and dad... Yearned for one I have a true sense of belonging and ownership to. Rightfully mine.
No classy, funky phone, just a humble one to call mine! Sony Ericson W705, and I named it: Red Wee~~~...

ay//