today I realised how I'd always go all the way out to explore things I think might never occur again if i missed the chance. But then, its really for all the lil Crazy things that I do... somehow im very happy that I do accomplish all these things in the end, and not regret.

today, why do i see resemblence in both character and features?

You wouldnt believe that I attended Ukiss singapore fanclub's meeting. It was a meeting whereby singaporean fans came together for bonding. I thought I'd be one of the oldest, being 20 going on 21. But I know if I do not attend this time round, I might never ever have a chance to know/find out how such a group exists haha. In 3 years' time, I'd be a teacher. Where do you ever see a teacher fangirling, and joining young girls to scream for their beloved idols? Hence I was determined to go. I went with a girl I knew through a facebook group. At least I wasnt alone. Over there, the girls were very young. The youngest was 14. the oldest errr 20 something? Cos they do look old hahaha... and and they guessed that I was 17 or 18 years of age hahaha :DDD way to go ay!!! STAY YOUNG! :P
they played icebreakers, and they seem to know each other well enough to joke.. it was a tad awkward but thank goodness there were many other first timers like me too! I witnessed how much effort they put into making cupcakes, decorating the tables, filming videos, just to send over for Ukiss to see for their 4th anniversary fanclub. However, despite being a kissme (fanclub's name) Im sceptical if Ukiss really do read through all the letters and watch all teh videos religiously. Its the Love from the fans, all over the world, multiplued by how many tens over of countries. I doubt they do.
I admire how some fans do go all teh way out to support them. They would donate $25 willingly to the fanclub in its project in Korea to prepare lunch boxes and gifts for the group during their performance. To me, $25 is alot. It could buy me clothes, supplement my outings and etc. and why would I give this $25 to making meals for a group of boys who are alr rich enough in korea? However, it aint that superficial AY. Its a brand new direction of fandom. Its the hope and love they bear for their favourite group, to encourage them and support them. Its such nuances that even I cannot comprehend. But I know its important. Hence, if they fangirls have the means to do so to support them, by all means. But. Its this whole kpop complexity thing. A social construct. Every group is doing these. and it has become a norm. You might say its a vicious construct. Cheating money? Wasting time? Despite being a fangirl, I havent been entrapped enough to engage in these too. Probably due to social circumstances back home. In Singapore where meritocracy rules and where parents monitor their kids tightly enough.
Being slightly older than them, I see things slightly differing from the young girls.
At the end of the session, we simply sat around while the older leaders of the fanclub shared with us stories of them being onstage, how they interacted with the Ukiss members, how Ukiss responded to their actions, and their collaborations with Warner Music etc behind the scenes. Its THE MUSIC INDUSTRY. Something laymen like us will never peek into and never have a chance to explore with. And hence, I do admie people like them. You know, one 'irritating' comment people give when they find out that you're in NUS would be 'whoa so smart....'... come to think of it, There are so many many studnets in Uni, making competition so tough. Doesnt mean you ar ein Uni and you would do well. However, being in Uni depends on whether you enter the course of your desire or some crappy course that you cannot grasp.... Oh well, back to topic. Despite not being in uni for most of the kissmes, they seem happy and somehow much mor eknowledgeable than we are, having seen the world, worked with organisations, for CONCERTS mind you. NATION-WIDE concerts. Im sure such experience is worth more than a year of our struggles at school. And this 18 year old mentioned (being an events organiser like she had been) "that's my dream job eh!!!". It makes me embarrassed all of a moment. Because for me I have chased after the practical. Being a teacher, obtaining a cert, to acquire a stable job, venturing into STB. Even though at this moment, I dont really know what I really want. ASK YOURSELF. WHAT DO U REALLY WANT? that young girl knows. I'd like that hectic lifestyle of an organiser too. But to me, such desires are merely passing phrases now. Nothing seems sufficiently realistic to fantatsize about for me now :(
They talked about the member's personal characteristics. and shared about many of the behind-the-scenes running this fandom in the music industry. Its a great eye-opener. Yet I never ever brought up my doubt - "Do you guys ever lose faith in Ukiss, because they have not achieved popularity in Korea and has never ever won Number 1 despite being in the industry for 5 years now". I never brought that up, despite being courageous AY (haha). Because my question might shatter all they have done? Or maybe I see that they have been too engrossed in this fandom that winning or not does not matter then. As long as they continue to work hard, believeing one day Ukiss might reach the pinnacle. But for the bystander here, I do not see it anytime soon. I dont deserve to be a Kissme right? haha
Being older than them, I see Kpop from a behind-the-scenes pointofview. Kpop means alot to me. Its something I tried to summarise in simple short sentences but I failed to do so. It makes me work harder, and not give up. For Ukiss, they debuted when I was at theage of 18. It was when I was mulling and crying over PW. Whereas they were practising hard everyday to prepare to appear on stage for once - THEIR MILESTONE IN LIFE. and then. compete with all the groups, travel around the world. But before being recruited into a group, the member underwent depression due to rejection. Oh man. My best friend Seowhwee says its A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.

it is impractical to shed tears for a group of boys with no relation to you and who is so far away. but you have never witnessed the encouragement on Ukiss's Tumblr after their defeat in the music show, where all kissmes posted things like they have improved, we should be proud, and we are proud of xxx and xxx... the fans do not know each other, but yet they have successfully come together, to assist and support one another to vote, stream, listen, replay, just for their favorite group. It takes sacrifices and alot of effort, and it is because we appreciate Ukiss that we have come together as one to help the group climb towards the pinnacle. But its so disheartening it makes me wanna cry. Because I have put in hopes for this win but it failed to turn out so. Its not about wasting my time. My fear is that they would disband soon. When kpop and Ukiss have accompanied me throughout Uni Life, its like a brand new start with a brand new interest. When my techno/dance dwindled in Singapore since Sec 2, i took 2 years plus to get over it and find myself other passions to be involved in. This time, what if Ukiss disappears tomorrow? It not about the group separating, it about how I have built a bond with the kind of music that accompanies me through different emotions in daily life, how the songs successfully distract me and fill up gaps in my life and my source of escapance from school work and practical stuff. It seems like my world would come to a standstill, and I will cry.
I dont know how long i will be idolising though, this passing phase is bound to diminish one day.
And when i look back when Im much older, I want to recall the love of chasing after fangroups. Have you ever realised, it is chasing after dreams, together with the group. When Ukiss has failed so many times, they have never succeeded, it is the fans embracing defeat and bearing determination for the group to fair better the next time. But what if there is no next time?
I love the camaraderie of the fanclub. Im proud of being a Kissme but most importantly, I hope they will never be disheartened and stop, because there are people out there who appreciate them and have journeyed with them for 5 years.
People believe in them. 
When these people don't even believe that much in themselves.
My throat scrunches up so bad i feel suffocated. But i did not cry; my eyes well.
It means alot to me.