This morning, awakened, and it felt like I really miss all my friends, espcially my male friends so true I have not contacted since they've enlisted into army. You say i dont talk to guys, but my male friends, a handful of them, are the bestest friends in my life who would stand by me whenever whereever. Like Randy Bro, who is literally always just a phone call away. And the girls are involved in their activities now. Yet somehow through mutual friends, we discover that we both know that same person! and its really a warming feeling:) Im enjoying my hostel life. But theres a lingering guilt. Who's gonna take care of my parents? Not like they cant take care of themselves, but at least when Im home, i could lend a listening ear to mum. Curb dad's bad habit of clearing his throat, help mum with her aching back. Im the only child so I ought to do that. But i aint at home. and everytime upon returning to school after 1 day home, my tears well up secretly in my eyes and I turn away. Yesterday, I returned home and hear that mum had a tiff with dad. This always happens; but this time round, i just aint around-.
You know the feeling of happiness? When i sat beside my eyecandy oneday in school, I felt the urge to shout and exclaim! to my friends. Haha. Childish games. Just some kinda fantasies to keep sane, living my own world at PGP. Here, it seems you're living in an estate, but you stroll pass strangers everyday without taking more than a glance at their faces. For they look like replicas, and you look eyetoeye but they turn away before you could take a second longer to smile. On FB, vishal commented "I miss seeing how you wave to almost everyone you knew at ny in the mornings or during breaks or while walking to our next venue!" are you still doing that often now, Annayeo? Only now that I realised, my NY friends noticed; these mere everyday gestures defined me. I took a module: Changing Lanscapes in Singapore. But no one knows how much love this module brought. It analysed the Sinagpore River, CityHall, The Green schemes of Sinagpore, Marina Barrage. etc.. But my friends went 'what's so nice about that?' .
Dont forget, AY. Things, people far away, Life's simple beauties that used to astound you, only you.
Even the radiant night lights from the cranes at Ports in the South.


ay//

There are so many first times in life
I can begin a notebook of all my first times.

First time at Kbox(english!) - it wasnt daunting like i thought it'd be. It wa so enjoyable, if you could pretend no one hears you and just scream out loud... YES! i did it for Cascada's Everytime we touch! =) love-love.
First time cabbing home rushing with the tick of the minute hand to 12 after BBQ.. it was so exciting!!!!!! =D
First time staying alone in hostel. I got to learn to be independent right?
First time attending a Fun camp, I realised all the previous camps I've attended were training camps. Camps where I learnt to tell myself "Push on, AnnaYeo. A little more, a little more to go. You're strong, you can do it!" loved the spirit of training camps.


ay.

You know the story of heartbreaking?
When a knife pokes and you inhale a gulp of air just to awaken. These feelings pass in no time, but it always feels the same way, at that instantaneous moment, everything suddenly becomes constricted.
Im tired but I cant sleep yet.
When fantasies take me overboard.
Stop dreaming ay.
Gotto return to school soon;
Back to reality.
And get on with life.
Well, my friend taught me: well, Life goes on.
Give me this week. I'll get over it.
The heartbreaking.


Camp. camp.
camp where we feel insignificant.
Because those who stand out channels the limelight.
When I didnt talk or step up, I recede to the shadows.
Like background designs.
Its disappointing,
moving along with the flow.

Seems like every group Im in, we dont win. and every game I play, I'll make a mockery out of it. Just that ppl dont laugh, for it didnt matter to them that I was the one playing.

I'm fatigued.
Gotta organise my thoughts;