- there was a halo watching over my home -

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i wont be coming here often anymore; take care:) ay//

I got an inspiration today, a huge big one. Unexpectedly, from a male classmate. GP lesson was too boring for him and his clique, thus they engaged in this little game, where they wrote and wrote. When it ended, marven proudly asked me to read his "reflections". They were playing this game whereby within a stipulated time, they got to write about as many thoughts appearing into their mind. It was really candid, and cool! a little game like this could make his friends so happy. and it was not even some lame shxx that happens in class that leads to humiliating laughters all the time. It made sense. Here's an excerpt 'is doing bio halfway, looking up to listen to mr yee...is sitting behind, they are a little clique, siao siao people flock together... wait, but that sounds wrong...'

He mentioned this, so important: "never close yourself to your own thoughts!" it was very much true:) n undeniably meaningful game:) a game i will play from now onwards, when thoughts - random thoughts cannot be spoken shall be scribbled down. I used to bring my dear journal to school everyday. Took it out as and when i liked. but it gradually lost its potency in healing sudden refluxes of emo, so i stopped... School gives no time for this...
uh-huh. But i cannot explain my on-off attitude these two weeks. because i have turned on that mode. yea, you know what i mean. Maybe you wont. Today i paid very much attention to Mr Yee's GP lesson. For once in so very long months since. It was so fruitful:)I diligently copied stuff form the board, ... Precocious= more mature and... the definition of 'larger than life' haha! I really enjoyed GP today=)
Time and again, i will go BOOM! with afew sharp words that i would respond towards others. They say i'm fierce. but you dont know the meaning of fierce, when i cry those anguish tears and scream truths into one's face. Do not irritate me, and do not doubt; while i am trying very arduosly hard to accept the class, all over again... You wont know ay.starsplash. because ... ... greenies didnt even spend this short a time doing that. i feel like running, very far. In class where no one is close enough to be truthful to tell one another, and no one understanding enough to give me emo's liberty; no one calm and godly enough, to sit by while i weep.
Give me time, probably i will be able to revive the happy childish girl.

but here, i must apologise. I'm so sorry, emotions is one thing i cannot control. and i always mess things up, to return to clear them later on. I want you to understand?

Its a beautiful weather today
when the sun warms you up, if you cycle.
Everyone struggles to return to the monotonous routine of life
but i allow myslef to lag a little.
and forget for a moment:)

Ha! Its coming!!!! that day in june! i was thinking hmm... SAKURA!!!!, MARINA BARRAGE!!! CYCLING @ Ecp!!! esplanade!!! omg...
Its a really beautiful weather like today to be cycling at East Coast... just... all our schedules no longer match right?
haha... mum says to go eat SAKURA with Greenies!!! SURE, but are you all tight on your pockets? after GP exam? on my birthday?? haha...
let it be the annual Greeny gathering then!!!! it'll be in JUNE this year instead of august alright?? :)
yes, I'm looking forward :)
ay//

I have been an emo kid this two days.Call it emo? But i can find no other ways to redeem myself for wanting to be alone, from all of you. Just, desperately needing to be ALONE.
Maybe, the rainstorm
has washed down,
this outpour of emotions
upon me.
When I cant stand it anymore, I cry.
I realise all the lies and stories masked and treachery imposed on one another... just seems too overwhelming. One day, too soon, I'll just walk out, and away.
from my class.

In this book, where i write and write, all my lamentations, and reflections and confusion. where no one chides me for being a gossip girl, for being a complain queen for being a bitch. where i write and write, where names flow freely like a river, and i need not be afraid of enemies. things i desire to scream out loud, yet i cannot blog it for forbidden eyes to see. so, here i write and write, and i wanna tell you all my emo will eventually be imprinted, if there is no way for me to escape. Even if its in a lifeless book.

Because i wont do it. I will not do things, i wouldnt like others to have done. i live by this principle. Yet, these people dont get it. they just dont.

I'm feeling so down

I dont wanna leave for school at all.

When all of a sudden this dread pushed me right back, into the shadows

Maybe, it was because i awoke at 7, instead of 6 am...

I feel like i aint talking. I dont want to talk anymore.

So down, my metabolic rate is crawling...

My heartbeat feels so gentle against my eruption of emotions

Maybe, this is how i feel when i am emo.

I bet you dont know this feeling

If you still do not know ay.starsplash.

There's this moment in life when you feel that you have become a hero, and the fear that once bugged you is, merely a figment of imagination...
When i was on top of the world, there was only 1 way, to continue proceeding. and after walking so far of 15-20 km at Macritchie Nature Reserve, you know you simply had to push on. and seize this chance to see the world. On the HSBC treetop walk.

Throughout this entire SLC camp, i had been nice. Sincerely giving myself a chance to learn about positive side of people.
Yet time and again. i realised the stark difference, all along. and that we were merely helping each other pull through school. We haven't been friends.its too prominent right before my eyes.
I want to scream. to tell her its wrong to say so many things like that!!! but. if others keep mum too, maybe, i'm the one wrong after all...


I will stop calling 'stupid', as of today.

ay.starsplash //