I'm so disappointed. Sometimes, it seems she is lost in her own euphoria she forgets who we are... She even forgets who she is herself. When all i asked was for her to print another set of notes... Othertimes, she would volunteerily do more than i needed when all i needed was one. It just seems her priorities are wrong now... like... she neglects me more and more...
She has forgotten how much we have helped her when her friends came to our house for visitations.. i took out the cakes to cool and made the drinks for her without being told... Dad prepared the balcony and got everything ready for her... I'm just so sad... maybe angry with how she sees these tasks so lightly... Yes, i'm disappointed, so much so that my angry tears seem to well while spilling all my overpouring emotions this night.
where Its a SIN to display a single tinge of irate and fury.
She's so involved with her friends at school now, and i'm seriously happy for her, when she doesnt even reply my messages when i asked why she had been so late at work till around 7pm, when she knocks off at 4... her second home it has become. when i enquired the moment she entered the house, all she could show was a sian and maligned face.. that she had been working. yet. when i didnt bother how late she was, she would lament that i didnt bother a least bit...
I'm hurt. and this aint the first time. the previous time, she has forgotten everything that i was involved in and made every thing i've told her seem so trivial and invisible.
she forgot everything i've done. She forgot who my closest friends are.
Maybe, in her midst of her hectic schedules and enjoyment... we are no longer of as much significant anymore... Yes, I'm independent now. I aint tied to mama's strings anymore... I can make my own decisions... but there are these times... when i needed you, but you arent there for me, no longer within my arm's reach... these times when i tried to look you up, i was turned away, maybe.. maybe i am just a trifling as you see it now.
and that's when it all trickled down.
tell me, is it those of anguish. or despair?

maybe its time all i got to do, was to stand on my own.

ay.
i'm hurt today, mama. :(

I'm gonna shou-shui today!!!
haha, even if its for an hour,
its longevity for another year!!!! XD
its a long day of visitations tomorrow,
a yearly ritual... :)

23.1.09

and it all came to mind on the bus ride home, alone, where the space belongs all to me...

The Red, Orange, Yellow, White, Green and Blue
the Rainbow; in a splotch of glue...

there is just one word to descirbe myself, that i'm seriously touched by my class today. Yes, 0802. how our one voice of success resonated and overpowered all other noises present.. It all took one seed of enthusiasm, from my friend Melissa,to get us all on our hands and feet, glueing, 'ricing', fixing. the Rangoli! It seemed to fix the different pieces of puzzles of 0802 together... :)
Before i left the school hall, i did it - what the real AY does... - i called out to Mr Yee on the second storey of the sitting gallery in the hall and exclaimed proudly: " Mr Yee!!! WE WON!!! Did you cheer for us?????" and he encouragingly replied " i know, i know... i saw... ..."
it all happened so swiftly, too beautiful it got me detached, and i never recalled the last of his sentence......

its was then, that i realised our class had some sort of concealed potential, somehow forgotten... :)
There was one scene imprinted most prominently in my mind's eye, one that made me relook into, over and over and over again.
the boys stood behind the girls watching... they cheered us on, gave their advice, their enthusisam i never imagined, how much they cared about this rangoli (listen to how they fretted when the rice all fell out..) below. There, was mingjie who littered the cow with other colours over our heads, zican running to get glue and rice.. and all the others who volunteerily picked up rice grains on the ground:) there's this act that gained my respect- When the guys said to let the girls take the gifts first! (we came in 4th, and had oreas and chocos!!!) =) i know its common gentlemanly-ness, but having this coming from such a -stranger- class, i'm so Proud of them! :) and i Respect them. =)

Huiteng was so hyped up for this activity that she ran to get the rangoli board!the beautiful flowers cassandra and the girls made, melissa's gifted talent for drawing, the fun and laughter around me, when we helped each other spread glue, paste rice.
when i dung-ed my fingers into the bowl of glue, swinging rice off my fingers.. haha... i'm sorry peilin, didnt mean to litter you XD, but...
i was simply too entranced in my euphoria, brought about by class 0802, i became oblivious to everything else, for there was only 1 goal i had in mind -
i had to make this Rangoli right.

I Believed.
we could win, i know the recognition doesnt matter, but it had been so crucial for me; i needed my class to win, so the efforts of everyone wouldnt disappear, and that those who have lost hope, will feel the achievement, a big one.
and we did it!
that was when all of us screamed our YEAHSSSSS!!!! and WOOO~~~~SSS... when the emcee announced - otwo-.
It was a trully significant moment!:)

For me, this was the loudest and most encouraging sound i have ever heard, in all of NYJC.
I raised my arms, and
I screamed!
i screamed, for my class!
This sound overpowered everything else,
and i was sure our cheer was the loudest in the entire hall.
even when my heart leapt 200 feet. when for once,
i was overwhelmed with love and pride for my class
that rendered me silent, for several minutes thereafter...

the future might seem so vague,
but today
i have Believed. :)

The Red, Orange, Yellow, White, Green and Blue (of the rangoli rice)
the Rainbow; in a splotch of glue.


ay.starsplash//
:)

VIDEOS!

look at our pretty COW masterpiece that won us 4th place out of 36!!!! =)

this video of chaos!! LOL... i listened to it and i laughed nonstop!!!!!!... as though we were sitting on a roller-coaster LOL!!!!! watch the 0.50 minutes, LOL!!! and the 1.20 minutes, when we tilted the board over, some of us screamed la!!! and the boys were like saying OMG omg...!!!! and it just super funny!!! must watch the 1.20 minutes!!!! XD

Yesterday
was the season finale of my favourite serial in my 17 years of life,
ILJIMAE :)
Its in korean, my 2nd korean serial i have ever watched in my life till now...
It has so many twists and turns in the plot, and everything just happens so swiftly every episode i just have no time to comprehend ...
ita bout a hero, a knight. and there's a lil' sweet love story, not too over-the-edge. The plot simply shuffles between truth and lie, and turns black and white with a snap of the finger! omg! its just too intriguing, i never missed any episode...
and i awaited at 10pm every night.

and it has ended.. i was so sad... not the story, well, a lil' part was because of the story... it was not a fairytale...
i cried... :( but mostly it was .......
because i no longer have something to look forward to at the end of every day anymore...
no matter how bad my day was, this had made things right...
so, i wouldnt await nightfall anymore...
Will things still be fine?
This serial has made my 27 nights (27 episodes) so perfect... like.. like how everything was fitted into place, and i was be happy at the end of the day...
what shall happen now ...
:(





ay.
yizhimei!!!
will there be part 2? :(

Collected pay with Guanyi Louis and JJ today!!! such a fun day out with these guys:) :) although i didnt talk much with louis and JJ... well, its a boy-gang anyway, i was happy and comfortable being with them!
we went to SWENSENS together to celebrate after getting our pay! haha!!! they are a real cool bunch of people, i merely suggested, let's go eat EARTHQUAKE!!! and as we walked past, guanyi just went in and there all of us followed... XD well, Earthquake was my long awaited and anticipated indulgence, since i have come to learn about it from my PW mates last year... I finally enjoyed it!!!! and its with Greenies. you see the sudden fullstop there? its as simple as that to make everything fine.
Its an icecream with 8 different flavours, full of sauces and toppings... guanyi forbade me to select 2 green coloured icecreams! LOL!!! he loved the dry ice smoke that exuded with a touch of water! haha! It was simply Great hanging out with them:)
i told mum where i have gone, but she still replied curtly that i could have kept it from her and enjoyed behind her back...
it makes me feel like.. it sort of makes no difference whether i keep her informed or not...,
does she have the effort and time to remember my friends, anymore?


I had moodswings recently, i know. so if i seem emo, let me be. because sometimes i just WANT to sit there alone. as i chose to be oblivious to everything,
for awhile... I even desire being alone in the house.. a lil' crazy i know.
I do not feel tired at night anymore 'Cause i have yet to cherish something,
for quite awhile...

These times,
I feel I am a cloud drifting past nyjc.

is amkhub in ny still there? it made me a little vulnerable not seeing them. like i would forget, viceversa, like i no longer feel really happy or tell my stuffs to, no longer share notes and advice. feels weird, like i lost something,
especially on a night like this. it feels quite nice having this surge of memory.

i am just a cloud.

//ay

I have waited so long for Mr Willian Yeo to teach us this year!!!! but who knows, its still Mr Jonathan Ng... not that he's bad, he's very fatherly, very patient, never scolds and so experienced, but william yeo is the suave one ma... haiz.. so disappointing :( !!!!!!!!!!!! when i was so excited for the first Geography lesson of 2009! but nonetheless, he's gonna lecture us for a term, while jonathan ng will be our tutor.. so we have expertise from both.. yea? haha.
but, that's besides the point..

i have not been emo for so long, and its a good thing.
but somehow its just the first few days at school and everything's piling up like 'wooooo~~~'... all the tests and homework, and backlog, and the previous topics i still am revising have no time at all... probably because i sleep too much, and that my determination has waned, but. but. it cant go on.. I'm feeling stressed all over again, so soon...
it like , the Night passes by so swiftly as though in a dream, and I HAVE NO TIME TO CATCH UP!!! =( oh my ...:(
mummy, i want my tonic...
and i tried sleeping at 1pm for 2 days, to amke up for the 1 hour spent watching ILJIMAE (=)), and guess what, i dozed off during lectures.. say that I'm still accustomising... blah blah.. no excuses, Anna Yeo!!!!:(

i always say i cant wait for CCA to stand down, but its now that i'm beginning to grasp what it meant to be in the Red Cross Humnaitarian Network, when the slacker seniors never tried to explain and instill these rationals in us, i discovered them on my own.
there's many CIP and service activities requiring helpers, i would gladly volunteer, but i dont, because thinking bout how much more i got to conquer and struggle to grasp, simply turns me off... and i feel utterly burdend.

If I'm getting looney for being stressed...
If i can feel disconnected from the world.

Huiru asked me if the AMK HUB in NYJC is gone. :( Gone? As in disbanded?.... No! But just because our timetables have changed, and we have different reporting times... we still are!!!!!! I miss all of you so badly, the first day of school on the 12th, i left house a lil' earlier to come catch up with you all, but the bus was slow, and i didnt make it...i never fail to look forward to all the mornings with Greenies there!

Invisible asked me if i have changed.
i replied i might have, but what's true remains.

and it will be.
ay /

I'm so addicted to ILJIMAE omg!!!! the channel U 10pm serial daily.
YI ZHI MEI! they say its IIJIMAE but its not I.I, its IL... I.L!!! haha! i have checked everywhere online too! working with huiru at Toys R Us yesterday, she shared with me her craziness over him!!! LOL! and there was this TP JC girl, omg!!! she looks like him!!! Lee Joon-Ki!!! that actor!!! that actor, the cool manga actor! XDXDD haha!!! I'm just so addicted there's this urge to watch more of it in 1 go all at a time!!! Oh no!!!! and every single time i glance at this TP JC lookalike, i cant help but giggle because she's too similar to his looks!!!!! OMG! you should have seen it! and i appear like smiling at myself LOL!

Yesterday at Toys R Us it was so fun!!!!! i guess i'm beginning to know huiru better and better, and its a good thing!!:) stupid girl, go tell the other new friends we've made, that i was so fierce in sec 3 and i diao her from infront! haha!!! XD anyway, we counted and counted boxes and packets of toys... in silence, no music... Much better then the stoning job selling uniform anytime... how many times have i lamented? haha! and we drew lots to determine 10 people who would have to stay back to help... and i got it! somehow i am always the one left.. OUT! Huiru and all the girls i have made friends with got the blank paper, so they had to go home... (see, during Greeny BBQ i was also the Only one who got abck my own present!!!!!!!!) (maybe that makes me special LOL!!!!) while i stayed with 9 others.. they are a nice bunch of people, 5 people from JC2, graduants, 3 awaiting olevels they are very guai and from reputable schools, 2 uni, 2 adults.. =)
then after they left, we had to replenish stocks!!! can you imagine how crazy it was?

just like in the PolaR ExpreSS, all the trolleys of toys were wheeled out, the workers used penknife to slice away all the plastic wrapping, and each of us dragged a huge sackful but in this case plastic-ful of TOYS!!!! to the respective sections to be displayed on the hooks and shelves! and at this moment, the music began!!! the boss started playing CDS!!!! and all the popular POP songs la!!! i almost had the euphoria of a Disco at the scene!!! the amplifiers drummed out Womanizer like... 3 times, and there's Forever by chris brown, Kanye West, Ne-Yo, all the POP sounds jiu shi le! SO fun!!! =) i was incharge of all the cars! you know, toy cars, tamiya.. omg!!! hundreds of boxes! first time i saw so many varieties of toy cars! i was simply sitting on a garden of toy cars flooding around me!!!!

you know, i worked from 8.30 PM till 5.30 AM!!!! and i wasnt tired!! because i love being occupied with stuffs to do, i like to be in constant motion, and doing stuffs that i enjoy!!!! =) i was so happy! then at 5.30, we shared a cab home, they provided taxi fare! XDXD
when i reached home, it was the time i usually awake to go to school! haha!
so i ate breakfast and fell asleep from 8am till 12am... =)
it was such a memorable experience, :)
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!


ay// :)

Last day of work yesterday. Yeah! I was so happy, no more Stoning job! XD

The first day of work Seowhwee and i had Sundae after work!

and yesterday, we had Sundae too to end our work! :)

The first day of work S.H wore her red Paddington bear shirt while I wore my black bermudas,

the last day of work, we wore the same too! XD

The last day of work, S.H came back with rebonded hair, while i had my shorthair revolution!

and the last day of work, seowhwee and i shared our portions of the story - Our perilous encounter..

so coincidental aint it? haha!!

Yesterday we went Bugis to shop! For the first time in my life i bought so many things on my own... LOL! I bought a pair of earrings, a blouse, a pair of shoes! felt so wild! haha, i have grown up! :) i ahd so much fun with you seowhwee!!!!! =) my Best OSLE friend!!!!! happy? haha!

and YES.

I cut my hair...

after 2 days 1 night of contemplation whether to snip my hair away, and several hours of sadness, i summoned all my courage and strength to walk into the salon and drawing the line of the hair i ordered... =(

i was SO S.A.D la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My heart squirmed with every snip of the scissors, and my heart cried a thousand pincers whenever my hair fell to the ground... my eyes yearned to take a final look at the long tufts on the floor... =(

Its Gone.

I am so S.A.D.

nevertheless, now i wouldnt have to spend time tying up the stupid hair when i prepare for school every morning anymore...

let me tell you about

A PERILOUS ENCOUNTER.

I'm not really sure what perilous means, something like dangerous? fear? haha... maybe i'm exaggerating, but its just a little hilarious this has happened.

This guy selling shhcool unifrom with me suddenly messaged me after work 1 day blah blah... waste my sms la!!! ask me whether i am anna... stupid just tell me who you are LA! i was scimping and saving every sms... then he asked what subject combi ... blah.... . but i'm smart by bluffing that i was yea, busy.

and you know what the comical part was? he asked S.H about me la... and that's So So scary!!!! quite personal stuffs... i was like excuse me, i dont know you, go away! the questions made my cringe... you know what i mean. and the CUTE Seowhwee asked: are you planning to do something?.... So funny! i laughed aloud on the bus! hahah! and in state of confusion regarding answering one of his questions, she intended to message her friend to ask about 'betraying me by telling' ... haha BUT she messaged to him instead!!! OMG!!!! she confessed she had felt so stupid for a night.. Its okay, i forgive you! XD hahahah!!! and It was just so Weird, and i didnt talk to him EVER again. Yeah!

okay, i'm gonna visit chucky tonight (haha!) intended to take an afternoon nap but i couldnt sleep :(

nevermind! byebye!

there are so many great songs mainstream!!!

Poker face - lady gaga

ALIVE!!! - Natalie Bassingthwaighte

Dead and gone - TI ft justin timberlake!

Untouched - teh veronicas!

and Insomnia by craig david still rocks man!!!!

you have these songs send to me okay!!! :)

no one wants to go sentosa? >_<

here is my short hair revolution.

the crocodile smiles i wear as i felt sad for a day...

byebye!

// AY.

hello people!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


i'm ending my job SOON!!!!! i cant wait! selling school uniform is a stoning exercise! when there are no customers, i stare at the walls and rot away my several hours of youth! HUMPH! hate it!
but there is a 1 night job at toys R Us! sounds fun? stock taking! for all the barbies and chuckies and power rangers!!! jealous? haha!!!

I'm going shopping with gy gang on sunday!!! i want to buy things!!! :)

byebye... till i blog again.. in quite awhile's time...

=)
love, ay.