when two emo people talk
one has to be strong.
stronger than the other,
to be a pillar so both wont tumble into the dark pit.
when a tear falls.
we just stare at it.
hoping that it'll evaporate soon,
because the drop stains...

friends might drift, if we dont hold them tight. though i miss all my dear friends i can do nth to compromise, i merely tag at their blogs or send an sms - I MISS YOU!!!!
maybe your friends do not call but maybe they feel it? if you are true friends, do not doubt them. okay?=)
just like how carline sent me a letter to encourage me on when she read my emo blog... =)
sometimes you need that little wee bit of faith. =)
Call me when you cant find anyone else. =)
Greenies will be there for each other!
ay.starsplash.inexplicable

i'm so depressed today.
over my hectic life.
and the GPP that is striping me of every moment atht i can smile.
when we ahve an idea, things seem to heal.
but when they argue and propose something else, nothing ever gets materialised.
are tehy not serious at all?
they can survive without a leader. what is the role of a leader? who just keeps quiet and watch you all debate losing hope and faith? one who is so weak she can give up for a day...
me.
i dont want to force this nor that.
just if you all know the right path...
maybe i aint really doing anything...

Z-Win says:
so we are not going to have the meeting because our leader emo huh?

but i'm so emo today i just want to keep quiet and...
i dont have the jive to high with you all anymore.
let my suspicious mind brew.
at least some fantasy frees me from
whatever piling work i have.
i'm looking forward to cca on sat. and going out with pumpkin and huiru?

the innocent smiles and squeals of the children
is a contrast of maturity.
a scene we have abandoned;
a satisfaction we have long forgotten... ...

ay.starsplash.
imlosingmyself

i read cheryl low's blog.

i read Fungi's blog.

i read louisa's blog.

cheryl low's blog spoke of the truth of reality. how we are trapped, when we dont understand anything- for the sake of it. how we struggle on.
i realised i have masked it too well. buried it.
we cannot be like cheryl's sister anymore.
its gone.

Louisa's blog is happy. its exciting, its different.
it recounts all her enjoyments in her cca. her journey.Her innocent enthusiasm ... how her LITTLE spirit never fails to enlighten me...
i miss her so much.

school is a chore now.
we no longer know where we are going.
we follow a rigid inflexile schedule.
we become stagnant.
that we no longer express ourselves.
we live in a virtual world.
that we lose ourselves in.

///

and GPP!!! why you all didnt come online as stipulated!!!!!!!!!!
oh man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Drats! i'm getting so stressed again!
i'm gonna ignore everyone at home soon....
=(
oh god!
sleep is precious now.
i'm gonna abandon you soon....
byebye!

TODAY IS A FUN DAY!
HUIRU, PEIQI, AURI, RANDY BRO, MUSCULAR MONSY AND I WENT TO J8 FOR AFTER SCHOOL GATHERING!!!
SO FUN, I MEAN, SO STRESS FREE, SO HAPPY....
we windown walked the stalls and ate and ate! haha...
i went to royal sporting house to se sports shoes, wanted to go Queensway with MONSY tmr but her dragon boat ends late so... =( ...
nvm, i'll go another day then.
today i wnet for osle thailand - chiang rai interview.
my friend melissa was declined. and she cried. =(
i felt like i would feel the same, if not much worse than her, because i had palns of gold NYAA... but i merely put a comforting hand on her shoulder to give moral support... i hope it helped. =)

tmr! cca! haiz...
my life will soon be gone if i'm selected for osle chiangrai, then there'll be no more amksian loitering sessions.... =(
anyway.!!!

ITS THE MOST FUN PW LESSON EVER TODAY!
WE WERE BROKEN INTO GROUP TO DISCUSS OUR GPP!
SO, OUR TOPIC IS ON FASHION OF COC CHANEL,
THEN FROM COCO CHANEL ----- COCO KRUNCH -----COCO POP -----COCO POPCORN ----POPPYCOCK----POPPIN'!!!!!!
YES!
TAHT'S TEH REVOLUTION OF OUR GROUP NAME, POPPIN'!!!!!
AHAHAHAH.... so fun right! yay! the final name was created by me! i'm so PROUD! haha....
XD

randy bro!!! trick me!!! say 10 pm you will send me all the new ncie songs!!! make me load in all my mp3s nicely, then, YOU WERE NPOT ONLINE!!!!!!
HUH! haha.... and my friend melissa saw you bullying me, she has a bad impression of you already... haha!

okayokay, may you be the president, because i went around to gather ic numbers to vote for you and i voted 5 times like huiru! haha... so,
pwpwpwpw!!!! POPPIN' S CAN DO IT!!!!!
YEAH!
byebye!!!!
ay.starsplash! wow!!! its not emo today!!!! hahha!

"Smiley! Come here, smiley!"
No!!! i'm not smiley! dont call me smiley because it may be fake! i'm just an emo kid!
that's how my Pe teacher called me.

i was so stressed ins chool today. i didnt understand what maths tutorial was doing... what respiration was going on, what bio prac involved... i just copied and did things and followed, bilndly. Prac made me run about so much, i wa sso sweaty and smelly and filty... thinking of Pw, i'm the leader, i got to initiate meetings... gosh! lunch... i i waited so so long for my sudden crave for macdonalds... then the two of them want to go to their beloved amk hub... so i went reluctantly, but i needed my mac!!! so we talked ... oh no! i have mood swing must tell me. dont keep quiet and feel implicated by me...
ohoh, we helped randy bro with all the 50 council posters... its a bit kiasu, but its the effort right? furthermore we are so supportive of him helping him to poke poke poke holes and tying string. Fungi was too inefficient huiru and auri came to the rescue...!!! =) randy's posters are a nightmare!!!
but nonetheless, vote for P1!!!!! alright?
met chongi, 4/5's chiobu at macdonalds! is it a small world afterall?... ...

its a metamorphosis.

i witnessed how my good friend has changed. how a four years of acquaintanship just went 'ba ba boom!' and gone. how i seem to have lost her, or rather, i'm lost , by her. we only had each other when we stepped into cold cold class 3/5. and i, i cried with her. did she know amksians cared?

be it pupa to butterfly

but when she held that placard to vote for her friend,
it was as though a glass panal has been simultaneously been constructed. taht i chose to ignore her presence. i dont know her then. she has great friends, yes, real great ones whom i too know...

or the maple leaf that dies

the bubblyness and cheerfulness is marred.
a sweet innocent transformed.
i will not hate her for that. am i angry?
i should be. but things will turn out the way they'll always remain if i just ignore.
No, i'm sad, and i'm reluctant. to hear what i now hear.
i'll never forget how sorrowfully i cried with you that time.
we all cared for you.
because you are my friend.

Its a metamorphosis
be it pupa to butterfly
or the maple leaf that dies.
Rain was unable to
fill up the creases on my opened palm.

ay.starsplash.greeny amksian
after going to loiter at amk hub, i felt better, i wasnt that stressed anymore.
i strolled across the overhead bridge, feeling...
nice.

I'm sorry.
I wont do it ever again.

I'm sorry.

NO!!!

OH NO!!!!! I DONT KNOW WHO CALLED ME AND I PROMISED TO CALL BACK!
SO SORRY!!!!
OMG!

you know,
despite how hard i ran,
i never got there on time.
despite how much i pushed you out
you lingered.
despite the peace that i create and imagine,
something thugs it away,
ruthlessly.

it began, it stalled. it continued.
it stalled.
despite how much i ran, time did not stall
for my safety, my ankle
i only pryated for my friend to be well.

it was a seat of pride and recognition
of memories and recollection.

the familiar quadrangle.
the familiar red.
green of the long lost uniform,
green of envy.
green, of jealousy. of you.

i.
i'm getting possessed.
i keep thinking.
i'm going crazy.
i'm going insane.

despite how much i ran
i never got there on time
the running propelled
my ruptured emotions.
it really did.

i wished we were old friends,when things went well, we wished time stalled, that the moments will last. when things turn bleak, we want time to fly...

yesterday i learnt of tsunamis and i dreamt of a tsunami, it was sad. but luckily the lightning jolted me awake.

tmr is a busy day!!!!
slc was fun today.
i taught p1 and p2 kids reading. and they called me teacher =)

ay.starsplash.despite all i ran. i nv made it.
my journal ended today.
it started today.
its a brand new book tomorrow...
=)
bye!

my internet connection suckx.
dear bloggy, let me tell you about my life in ny alright.
i'm gonna quit red cross humanitarian network.=) the cca sux. the people there are so slack and they dwindle away my precious time. we can literally sit tehre staring at each other for half an hour for them to make preparartions... wth.the vice. orders us J1s around. who they think they are? i am ANNA YEO, you think i will be so dumb to be manipulated by you? i'm so gonn agive you my ULTIMATE DIAO. i'm tellin' you. hmmm.. they fellow members are... different from i am. there's this loud and enthu and talkative girl, but she spent so long arguing with the pudgy vice over a signature. just to win. LAME. there's this smart and pretty girl, but she is high and mighty, so she can come and dont come as and when she likes... i will scold them, i wont let myself waste my time there. when they are SLOW, wth la, i willsay 'hurry hurry!!!! give me first... hurryy.... LETS go!'... because i wont let them do things their slack way. i am not these kinda person. i tell you one thousand and one times i cannot donate blood for blodd doantion drive and you ask em why. i said my blood genetics... then you ask why, so i tell you is thalassemia. you ask me what's that.
i knew you wouldnt know.
then you ask so much for what! you STUPID! the vice somemore tell me nevermind la, can donate one. go, go donate. SLAP YOU eh!
i aint discriminating my cca, which i am so embarrassed and disgusted with. i am gonna quit after 6 months after i learn my first aid skills (which i am really keen to), to complete my NYAA silver. ervice learning committee is so fun, its so honourable. iTs intellectual. the people, teh eladers there speak sense, they reason with us, they tell us the rationale, the goal, the aims. they have a schedule, they lead us, not let us dwindle. i am proud to be in SLC. i am the i.c for saturday's reading programme for kids at the cc. its not LAME. it helps these kids with disabilities. they need our help. imagine we are one of them. who will eb willing to help you? these people are... ...

today i flunked my very first GP essay! the title was - does it matter if people of your country see 'the grass on the other side as greener', something like this.
how to give my stand? am i suppossed to give a definite stand? and then, the worst nightmare was me writing in wrongly in SS SEQ format!!!!!!!! DRATS! haha, now ss SEQ skills are imprinted in my memory forever... though i miss ss, it still terrifies me alot. GPGP!!! i can do it!!!!

i finally submitted my thailand trip afetr so many days and weeks of dilemma-ed contemplating. did i make the right choice? but its alright. i have melissa and huiru XD and jingke XD to accompany me through this arduos journey... first, i'll overcoem the interview. =) I CAN DO IT!!!!! Goddess auri said i'm optimistic?!! gosh! just because i encourage myself this way? haha!!! no al, i'm just an emo kid! XD haha...lets' go!
tmr i'm visiting AMKSS! i'm so excited!
goddess auri is the guest of honour, and i edited her speech! haha...
i feel honoured! XD
I'M A GREENY AMKSIAN, I'M FROM THE HONOURABLE UNIFORMED GROUPS, I'M A GIRL GUIDE.

ay.starsplash... till i blog again. i X X

it began. it stalled
it continued. it stalled.

this is a hide and seek,
a game of catch...
Phew.
i'm so exhausted.

i'm so lost,
emoxxemoxx emo can kill!
emo speaks a voice so hoarse.

so i'll leave the debris where they lie
and trample on them claiming them mine.
and i'd guard the orbital
for they pin the only scaffolding to lift my spirits.

ay.starspalsh.i'mdyingofexhaustion.

ahhhh! so fuunny at sch libarry today!
we shall wait for guanyi to post the video on his blog alright!
then they pulled me to chomp chomp for dinner!
haha!
amos was pervertic!
fungi was emo!
i think i'm gonna be labelld a flirt for playing with all the amksian boys.
but i'm not!
i'm guai, so i dont loiter around after school!
dont be bad influences, i warn you!!!!!
anyway, i shant goout with you all anymore!
june holidays randy bro said there will be a PARTY!!!1 yea!
haha, our gang!!!!
and amksians are such good friends... =)

today PI got me entangled and i felt so demoralised by a PE teacher who doesnt know what is depth but jsut keeps using these two terms... to teh point i felt like giving up on my PI. but i have put in so much effort i will just do my best. i wont be burdened by a piece of paper... sat beside monsy today for bio!!!! after so long!!!!!!!!!!! then i drew my star on her notes! XD so fun, miss all of them. then pe i didnt atke pe, so pumpkin ho chatted with me!!!!
amksians rock!

tata, till i blog again.
ay.starsplash.greenyamksian
every night.
driving me insane.
i shant lose my sleep anymore!

where are we going?
no, i mean, Where are we going... ...

today is a good day!
its a happy day!!!!!! =))))))))
because after chem and math test which i have been mugging for days and nights, its finally over!!!!!!
although i didnt know the steps to the Fe2+ question, i did alright. i wil pass! i will!!!!!
and after math ! i went loose!!!!
i went to the library to relax with randy bro and guanyi!
i was so dead tired, my mind was empty, so i didnt manage to understand the GP question randy asked me! hahahah so i ended up POKING HOLES in his council nomination posters!!! so fun! although my fingers hurt pulling all the raffia string, at least i could work without using my brain!
haiz... so relieved kinda feeling!
oh yea, i forgot to tell you my Lor Mee lunch today was so nice!!!!!!!! omg!!! deep fried friday my lor mee had 1 fried wanton, fried fish, crispy bits and yea, so yummy!!!!!! i wanted to eat more, but then my skirt will not let me breathe if i ate further! haha! omg! the Lor mee was heavenly!
then amksians went amk hub (forced to go), well, i feel that i have broke all my rules and become a bad girl going out with them, loitering after school... aimlessly... anyway.. i had a FUN argument with guanyi with both our earphones on, so we were trying to screen through the noise and argue sense into each other! lol!!!!
the topic of argumentative speech was-
SACRIFICING FOR FRIENDSHIP AND FORSAKING YOUR LIFE IS WORTH IT. Do you agree?!!!!!!
lolol!!!!
yir> i'm willing to die for my friends
ay> then you are so selfish to leave your mum and family memebers behind!!!!
yir> then let me ask you, if you can live 100 years studying everyday leading a completely healthy life but has no friends, or would you rather live 50 years with all your friends?!
ay> no! you cannot compare like this!!!! its different!!! then how can you ruin your studies because of friendship!
yir> i am NOT ruin my studies! who says i ruin my studies! i myself did not study!
ay> so its your own fault you dont want to study la! then why are you ruining your Future?!!!!
yir> i didnt ruin my future. this is not ruining my future! i'm keeping in touch with my friends and its necessary to keep in contact with them!
ay> that doesnt mean you have to meet everyday or go each others' house every friday... why are you so free?
yir> ...........................................

then i ended up giggling over our stupid childish argument! hahaha...
then randy came back with prawn mee... and guanyi called him a pig gorging on sludge! so bad la you!!!!
randy> anna! i'm so sad now, you are my sister how can you say that of me...
ay> what? i never!! i didnt call you a pig! i only said a pig gorges...
yir> i ONLY asked her how to describe a pig eating, i didnt say you are the pig!
lololoLOLOLOLOLololol! omg!!!!
then we took photos on guanyi's phone then he said the funniest joke OF THE WEEK!!!!!
YIR> NO, MY HEAD LOOKS LIKE A RACKET! TAKE AGAIN!!!!!
ay> racket?
yir> yea, racket.
ay> then i was thinking of the badminton type of racket... hahahah!!!
yir> NO, SHARP HEAD, LIKE ROCKET!!!!!
OMG!!!!!
i laughed till my face looked red like a tomato in the photograph!!! hahaha.....


ohoh!!! in the bus going to amk hub, i was sitting with randy with fungi behind! then we were talking then he saiid:
fungi> what what...
THEN HIS WHOLE HEAD TRAVELLED IN A PARABOLIC PATH FROM THE BACK SEAT TO IN BETWEEN OURs!!!!!
lolololOLOLOLOLOLOLololol!!! i laughed until!!!!!! its like, something that suddenly manouevred to the front in a parabolic path!!!! so hilarious!!!!!!!!!!
this is the funniest action of the week!

randy bro hung so many council posters around the school, with the help of an injured girl, me. and he didnt pay me. its a NIGHTMARE man!!!! emerge from the toilet and there's one poster of him staring at you..... climb up the stairs and the aisles are all lined with his silhouette...
scary!!! and we were telling him, enough, enough....

okay. i'm so tired, my eyes are closing...
-read enzyme notes
-revise math inqualities
-read chem bonding
-read geog
-study gp.....

b y e b y e
ay.starsplash.i'magreenieamksian

dear journal, i received back my first Biology test today. i had 19/45. the highest in class was 20/45. about 4 or 5 classmates got 20. around 3 of us got 19. nobody in the level passed. the highest was 22/45. why am i naming it all out? all the statistics....?

sometimes i feel that i cannot say certain things on my blog anymore, because nyjcians might come to read.
sometimes i wanna say things bout myself,
but only GREENIES will know who i am to believe what i say right.
only i will tell them what i Really want to do.

Mr neo said my kinked class ahd the highest L1R5 score.
that means i'm in the lousiest class.
and i'm one of those behind. because i scored 11 compared to others.
but i want to do amksians proud!
AMKSS'S MOTTO - always strive for the best!
i suddenly realise i aint aware of NY's motto at all...
so, do you know what i mean?
i want to strive harder, to outshine them, i want to do mum proud! because i want to. I want to.
this is my new goal.
i feel like creating a green blog now! haha....
really!
anyway, chem and math test on friday.
and guess what!
i'm going onto the podium with my bandaged ankle tmr in slippers to make an announcement on blood donation drive! LOL!
ppl will say a red crosser still get injured....! haha...
XD byebye!
ay.starspalsh.I'M A GREENIE AMKSIAN!

its not the ankle.
of course it isnt fine you NOOB!
did you even realise its his birthday today till i popped out at you from nowhere after sch yesterday!
and i suggested we pay a lil amount to buy him a cake.
then you said maybe go out or sth.
its like, 4,5, o'clock, when i end school at 12.30.
i didnt mind staying in the library studying. then monsy had alot of homework to do. aurina was meeting alex. huiru wanted to go. but she went out with her ct first.
but the many many guys, talking in their own world and doing whatever,
what are we going to do?
i was willing to go despite my ankle.
i sprained my ankle during PE today.
AGAIN.
the previous time it happened on my way to watsons to work in december.
and now, it didnt heal fully, and mum will scold me tonight=(
because i hurt myself again. a clumsy careless noob.
i was pain i sat on the step and blocked the entire pathway creating a standstill for others coming up from the grandstand.... (ha-ha)
my classmates bothered. but its just like this.


Do you know why we had wanted to go celebrate guanyi's birthday? because we are part of the YANG family. which i am so proud of.
that's the sole reason.
fungi, its not easy for me to ask my gang. each has their own committments.
and i'm always the only GIRL.
i know i might have backed out. but i wont admit that i'm wrong.
i wanted to eat lunch but nobody was eating. how could i make serene and guanyi accompany me just to watch me eat...
fine then, i came home.
then red cross friend called to say there was meeting.
WTH!
didnt sms me expect me know there's a meeting.
what is this. whatever!
if my ankle is still bad, i wont GO onto the podium to make the blood donation announcement to the school anymore. TOO BAD.. go find a substitute then.
sucky.
then classmates wanted to go J8 to eat lunch. it was a good chance for this kinked class to bond. but in the end 1 by one backed out... so left with 4 irritated friends who stomped out of the canteen sulking at the rest...they ended up emo and angry.
i didnt even bother bout that because of his birthday.
=(
haiz...
if i knew earlier i would have bought him my own cake.
mum guanyi fungi ct0802 j8 amkhub ankle pain redcross rain surong huiru auri jj lunch
ay.starsplash.I'M A GREENIE AMKSIAN
and i aint emoing.
the new seat on the bus i've discovered allowed me to stare at the front door and watch puddles sweep past all the bad, black patches - on the road.
and i'm not angry okay.

today,
i just found out 0802 will not have chem lessons in LT4 anymore.
=( byebye, fellow amksians.
i cant sit with you all anymore...
after all the enthusiasm and unity we have so faithfully abided by... =(
its gone, like this. me. separated from all of you...when i found out this morning...(it has got to be this morning)...
i felt myself being swayed by the breeze, that the scaffolding tumble down...
then bio teacher gary neo told us the fate of our VERY FIRST bio test. well... i didnt focus on the important underlined parts... but... its not that i didnt put in effort.
i just felt like, i wasnt what i was in amkss.
the same odd feeling... =(

then pumkin told me someone asked her...
and how would they know, and why would they want to know....
busy body, the gang, i told you, that gang... haiz... sucks.
its like this, when weiliang joked to the whole world that i was together with guanyi...(lol!!! for goodness sake!!!!), and then XYZ believed. L-O-L
they are so naiive, or maybe... they have nothing better to do.
of all people. why should y0u be the one?
i dont wnat you to know, ABOUT ME.
leave me alone!
DUMBO!!!!!

monday blues
the worse part is that i wont be sitting with huiru and peiqi and guanyi and aurina and cheryl tan and greenies during chem anymore. the only lesson where we have the opportunity to sit together...

run run. run. run away all the blues during 2.4km pe tmr.
then we shall go celebrate guanyi's birthday.
=) sch ends early tmr! 12.30, half day... ha-ha!
i said i will pull through.
i realised i'm such a weakling who wants to stay at home from this world...

ay.starsplash
I AM A GREENIE AMKSIAN.


so i'd leave the debris where they lie
and trample on them claiming them MINE.
and i'd guard the place.
For they are the ONLY stilts that lift my spirits.
the stilts of the scaffolding.

my mind drift to you.

hahaha!!!
finally completed my PI.
phew!
the entire saturday morning i have been online researchinga nd typing a brand new PI re plce my modernisation...
i'm doing journeys now... XD
yesterday i went J8 with mum and dad, mum wanted to shop for some things...
then dad wnated to eat macdonald! lol!!! so funny, so i bought the most pocket-friendly students' meal, and he ate almost all of it! haha...
anyway, tomorrow is monday again.
AGAIN!
then everything will be rushed through again...
but saturday my cca will have trianing at braddell heights cc...
maybe before taht i'm going to study with guanyi gang, or huiru!
XD
so excited! haha...
till i blog again, see you!
ay.starsplash.I AM A GREENY AMKSIAN

everyone feels sad....
haha, my 0802 friends who have blogs described their struggles...
just like me.
so i didnt emo for nothing like a noob...
anyway, fungi and randy bro went for student council camp today...
miss them! =(...
weekends if i am bored i normally ask this gang if they want to go out! haha...
amksian gang!
and jiayi said there's sth wrong with her...
that teachers teach too fast we have alot of self studying to do...
true.
maybe that's why i am getting so stressed...
mum just started work soon...
i return home and there's nobody.
its normal, even when she's home i seldom chat with her after school... but now the feeling that there's Nobody...
ha-ha.
its okay, next week i shall study more with guanyi and gang!
GO GUANYI'S BLOG!!! OMG!!!
THE YANG FAMILY WAS SO FUN AND ENTERTAINING MAN!!!!
GOSH! you will surely laugh! LOL!!!
yea. i miss 4/5.
the cold cold class of nerds! haha...

ay.starsplash. I AM A GREENIE AMKSIAN

ohoh, weekend i shall tie up all the bits and pieces and work hard to suppress any emo!
yea!
so happy to return home early today, but lam asked me go eat... =(
see la you! haha

yea, my mind not functioning properly.
i'm going bonkers already
i didnt even study for chem test tmr...
haiz...
nevermind,
i have to overcome today anna!!!
=)

dearest journal
my beloved journal
today was such a bad day. such a bad day i emoed all the way after bio test.
the bio teacher came to tell me i was writing too slowly... and i didnt know how to do 1 entire question on hydrophobic membrane stuff... =(
you know how depressed i was. how i felt what i have done wasnt enough... how i wasnt like this in secondary school.... my friend was saying she counted and she only got about 10 marks upon 45, and she was suddenly so silent like i've never seen before. with that, i realised the truth was so terrible she knew...
she's a retainee.
what a noob i am....
no, its not the test.

i was so heavy-ed after the bio test i went to the canteen and looked for someone. someone i might know. someone, someone green i might know to tell. but the canteen was empty like a classroom. all there was was my CT people. the guy who keeps teasing me. i usually smile it off. but not the way i laugh with my amksian friends..., i just ignored him in the canteen. how do you expect me to put on such a cheery front. when its so difficult. surviving.
all the way till lunch break. it was so crowded, i found guanyi, my beloved husband from amkss! haha, the YANG family. YEA! we ate together, with OG 19 people serene and yingzhen. i miss them so much. so so much.
that's when guanyi asked why i was upset. he asked.
did those 'peeps' from my class even bother?
in amkss when i emoed. whenever i did. the boys will ask me what happened, and that i could tell them anytime. they cared so much, so so much i even considered them better friends than some girls, i have always treasured 2/5 0'50'60'7 boys and randy bro and those from 4/5 alot. people like fungi whom i smsed when there was no one during recess. people like guanyi who cheers me up being stupid... ...
girls like goddess auri and cheryl tan who watched me cry in 4/5. surong who read my emo letters, louisa who listened with all her concentration... ...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOUISA, I MISS YOU ALOT. I LOOKED AROUND BUT YOU WERENT AT THAT CORNER OF THE CLASSROOM ANYMORE... =(


after gorging on food again during lunch,i found jiayi.
top scorer of her school during prelims. my OG 19 pae friend. my second best new nyjcian friend. she listened to me, she was emo too, she said nobody know, nobody understands at all. after listening, she said she knows how i felt, he understood everything. do i believe. probably. least she cares. then we sat at the empty canteen and we teared. i wrote in my diary i cannot cry in JC. but i teared.
i contained it for so long. till home where i will blog. but she made me tell her everything i couldnt control anymore. i wanted to pull her to some corner and cry, but she remained there. so i sucked in everything.
the fact is that i couldnt find anymore greenies when i was so sad. that i was sitting with my ct which was crapping which couldnt sense anything. i miss amkss so much. with jiayi i thought of this, and, that's when my tears flowed down. that's the breaking point. i miss amkss too much.
i feel like a nobody in nyjc. i know i shouldnt be so cocky here, i should strive, but with my past achievements, i felt... a lose of identity here. here, i feel i'm struggling, like i'm clinging on, a rope bound to break i still believe i will be light enough to hold on.. that kinda feeling.
its not just bio la.

its how things now are.
how i seize every chance to go with my amksian friends.
how i sat at the library alone sleeping and my handphone vibrates, with amksians smsing me lame things.... like noob! haha...
where we are true.
i guess for the first time in nyjc people shall see me emo...

but i havent shown them how quiet i can be yet.
=(
=(
=(

its just such a sad day.
and my senior sat with jiayi and i, watching us struggle through.
she said - she's used to it already.
my bio teacher said my class was KINK-ED.
there's signs of segregation... fine.
no matter how hard i try to presume i will fit in, and that the class will grow as 1 like 4/5 did, probably i'm just escaping from reality.
then after school i was so busy with my cca.
i am the I.c for 1 project.
and i'm afraid there will be so much stress with the overseas thailand trip i wanna attend... =(
and people just keep discriminating GIRLGUIDES.
my beloved cca.
they say its a girly things, with exeptionally weak Pt and girls who sit in a circle and sing and do weird hand actions...
no matter how hard i tried. how hard we amksians tried to change that impression in amkss girlguides, that we are strong and determined and mentally strong, with increased PT led by me, and fierceness xinyee and i exhibited, that everyone disliked me, that aurina showed the fairness and balance, that the cadets strived under us... we succeeded! people respected AMKSS GIRLGUIDES. but we failed to show the rest who we are.
girl guides made me what i am, taught me to save the environment. taught me to help others, taught me to care and not live for myself...
but with all the others pouring the buckets and pails and torrents of cold water, i feel so helpless. GODDESS AURI, what are we going to do?
and i attened SLC - service learning committee meeting today, my 'cca' then the boys in my class said what - service learning crap... said its slack, that i'm a guide i should join somthing tougher like... judo....
but i attended,and its not what they deemed.
it helps others. do you know how much palnning and consideration we got to do? how much we have to think for others, that you are not alone living in this world...
i feel proud doing these. i feel proud helping others.

but i feel humiliated with the childish mindsets of these boys in my class. i'm so disappointed in them.
who discriminates MY GIRL GUIDES. who says UG is boring, but UNIFORMED GROUP IN AMKSS IS SO FUN! AND ENRICHING... because you people didnt put in your best. you took UG for granted you failed. too bad you failed.

dont go around discriminating, even your own ccas... ...
that's so pathetic.


ay.starsplash.I AM A GREENIE AMKSIAN.
my kink-ed class.
thank you fungi! for replying my sms! haha....