yesterday guanyi said he was like clicking my entire blog to search for my invisible hidden music player box icon!!!! lol! its there at the top left hand corner of my blog!!!!! hahaha....then yesterday i dreamt i was selected for some kind of student council... hahaha!
so boring today yet i dindt do anything much!
typed my PI again... if its rejected again, i'm going to cry! haha...
anyway, gotto do chem tutorial and study for bio test later!
byebye!

because i'm a noob
just a childish noob...


Daddy held my hand:

So, the place with streets lined with palm trees was
causeway point.
i felt so big, yet so small,
so old, yet so young
i looked down
the scene seemed to manouvre
to fit into the window of my eyes.
How long since daddy last held my hnad?
No, i didnt let him do so.
He held it so tightly pulling me across the roads...
Today i broke my laws
thrice
i shouldnt have stood on the right side
but i gave myself a lame excuse that
i have to overcome
so i rested my arm on the escalator handrail
and obstructed the right lane.
an unforgivable action commited by a girl guide.
i rushed to causeway point and bypassed a student selling flag.
i rejected the boy saying no.
but luckily at causeway i saw similar students and i walked up
to donate a coin.
in the end.
causewaypt aint that nice afterall.
i thought i missed that place terribly 2 3 years ago...
but i will still go there with mum and aunt or dad again...
i'm so glad i have a pen and foolscap paper today=)
then i could write and write so i wouldnt suffocate!
when i'm stressed i just eat and eat...
you dont know how much i ate and drank today!
gosh!
feel so guilty.
but if eating can just erase all the emoness and wrongdoings, i shall eat and eat.
i was so full i closed my eye but i couldnt sleep...
i wont escape anymore.
i cannot afford to anymore
because i saw how
i am being manipulated.
by what my devilish mind saw.

i feel so big yet so small
in my own world.
lets just be friends
then i can go back to studying after emoing.
haha.
then i wouldnt have to hide
this dark secret
to complement my dark dark emo.
which no one will ever decipher.
because i have a protective shield
(louisa, its still there=( )
i realised i wouldnt come off for your jagged key.
i will do mum proud!!! =)
i'm such a childish girl.
i think all of you saw it today...
so big bro and friends and yir husband, guide me along, alright.

auri peiqi huiru cheryl Low, and i went to J8 for lunch together after sports.
AMKSIAN FRIENDS ARE THE BEST.
no one will ever replace.
where we feel so open and carefree and TRUE to each other.
where real smiles and laughters are born.
THANK YOU GUANYI FOR MAKING ME SMILE THIS NIGHT on msn.
REALLY.=)
thank you yir husband! (haha!)
and randy bro for always listening to me.
louisa whose enthusiasm i heard over the phone,
fungi who is so lame...
and auri and peiqi and cheryl low and huiru who gave me confidence and identity...

whenever there's a chance, i would just bid goodbye to CT 0802 and run away with amksians...
GREENIES... FOREVER-AND-A-DAY.
let it not fade.
the green uniform wouldnt fade
if we hold on tight.

ay.starsplash.I AM A GREENIE AMKSIAN

its not that easy...

i want to come online to do work, then people all talk to me! especially the fungi who will click me to noob me!!!!!
haiz...
then my work isnt done again!
next time i will appear offline!
but i came to talk to you la!
stupid you!!!
lol
haiz...
saturday.... sports carnival.
so far waste my time!!!!
but i think i will still go though.
i just wish i will remain what i am and not go out of hand.
ay.starsplash.
=)

you seem fine. i was so worried.

maybe i didnt help at all. maybe i did.
maybe i aint remorse a wee bit...
it happened before.
maybe i dont bother anymore.
EMO has lost it meaning... =(
anyway like what qingyun has told me -
nobody knows she likes snoopy anymore,
who cares bout my stars anymore...
but i wont let go.
what i know is true and real
in black and white.
everything seems to have lost its meaning.
what am i holding on to?
i feel...
split.
yes, split. into so many paths i no longer know my mind.
tell me i am drifting.
into something i cannot predict.
something i dream about, but somebody told me:
i can never wish for whatever i want.
Yes, whatever.
fine then...
its so long ago...





yesterday i went to esplanade library to study with fungi and randy bro! it was quite fun, my first time there, and i was called a noob a hundred and one times. i didnt study much, but i killed my boredom for 2 weeks, so today i was powered to study hard, till now then i came online...
then i emoed! gosh!
no, i wanted to say somethings...
to clear my mind from bio and print my notes...
but it feels so good to just wander anywhere...

tomorrow angmokiohub from NYJC is returning to amkss to collect our certs...
haha! amkss unite!
so till i blog again...
byebye!

ay.starsplash.xxx

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!
IT WAS SO BORING TODAY!!!
ON GOOD FRIDAY!!!!!
louisa couldnt make it in the end...
then later intended to go out with dad! with dad!!! but i didnt, haha...
and i listened to my dance music and daydreamed for an hour!!!!!
HAIZ!!!!
then i phoned fungi and guanyi, whether they want to go out for dinner together at amkhub, well, its so near their houses....
then gunayi said he just reached home!!!!!!
then fungi went out?
jingjing went out!
qingyun wasnt in!
surong wasnt in!
randy is like busy all the way until 11pm whereby he said he will call me!
haha...
so in the end i ended up eating with my mum, again...
so boring!!!!!!!
haiz......
oh, then aurina stays so far away....
okay, i thought of everyone, but i didnt succeed...
anyway I WANT TO GO OUT TOMORROW!!!!!
but i think i should go pray first or mum shall start nagging...
then i will go somewhere.....
jiayi said next week after sports carnival go out... yea!!!!!
omg!!! hurry hurry!!!!!
i really miss esplanade and the steamboat at marina bay.... =(
anyway,
till we blog again....
byebye!
ay.starsplash.xx

g_er_a h_a_g is a wobbling penguin!!!
man, i cannot stand her anymore....
omg!!!
but i am determined to self study my tutorials!!!
her previous 2 classes had Cs for chem!!!!
omg!!!!
i miss Mr kevin Low! the best chem tutor i know...
and ms inon, the cool GP teacher...
all from PAE...
now i get this fat penguin!
die!!!!
my blog has some errors today so i cannot make the PENGUIN words red in colour!
haha, sorry!

i talked to randy bro! omg!!!
he's so knowledgeable!!!!!!
then i learnt alot!!!
because he is older!
haha...
i miss the 4/5 gathering at esplanade rooftop during farewell assembly....
i want to go there on my birthday!
lol!
ay.starsplash
so nice talking to you, qingyun! =)
<3 friends forever!!! 2013!!!! =)

today i went into school and i realised the angmokio hub in nyjc has disappeared... for a day, and now two... how long before it disappears for good...
because none of them were at our usual meeting place, i mean the entire gang of amksians, who appeared so mighty and informidable at that table...... =(
then peiqi came saying SO loudly.... amk hub lost already.... =(
i almost .... ya...

today's geog lesson was fun.
we pieced together a jigsaw puzzle of the world map!
and i am determined to memorise the world map soon....

yesterday i stepped into class and
my immediate reaction was - H-A-I-Z...
then the same faces popped up i just felt like running away.
tahnk goodness there was pe lesson, where i ran 3 miserable rounds in the scorching sunmade me darker! and the i ran 1 more round with randy bro and guanyi and fungi, then i did situps!
haha...
today's weather rocks, but i didnt bring my pe shirt.... =(...

anyway,
i felt so sad this morning, but i had my beloved diary! haha...

nonetheless, i recovered from my sleep lost.
have faith okay!



ay.starsplash
I CAN DO IT!!!:)

dear journal,
school holidays are ending.
just like how the korean drama - my girl, just ended...
such a sweet ending.. haiz... no, its just another fairytale.
its like, tada! it just ended. there's sth tugging.
not wanting to let go.
and i'm letting my confusion kill me man!...
oh gosh...
randy bro kept asking till i almost almost teared already...
nono, dont say anything.
and i realsied thinsg are getting even tougher for pumpkin...
but i cant do anything either...
so i told her tomorrow when we step into school, we got to smile and be a strong person.
i promised!






today i went to my aunt's house
for the first time this year
i played with my king of hooligans my NEPHEW!!! and for the first time we played together without me ending up scolding him!!!!! haha. yea, good job, but probably cause i wont see tmhe again for a very long time while i enter my monotonous cycle. that's why i cherished this moment.
so i wouldnt regret.

anyway.
randy bro.
i trust you.
i really trust you.
that you wont say anything.
i'm feeling this terrible dread.
haiz...
byebye...

school is starting, i will fulfil my promise!
i can do it, ANNA YEO!!!!
ay.starsplash.
ha, second time i'm saying out my name...
SOMEHOW IT GIVES ME STRENGTH TO GO ON....
MAKES ME STRONGER, TO FACE WHATEVER OBSTACLES...
I CAN DO IT!
=)

BIO BIO!!!
I MUST COMPLETE BIO!
omg! i'm getting a sore throat!
no more talking today.

I STUDY TILL MY BRAIN'S GOING BONKERS. these 2 days.
bio bio... chem chem making my brain entangling ,
and then the confusion again...

i threw 3 stars the day before,
i threw 2 stars yesterday,
believing that the spell would be broken if someone just picks it up...
but it just rained and rained.
and eventually, i succumbed to the spell. really.
that's why i said i have fallen.
but i will be hurt if i if i fall too low.

I pleaded for the spell to Push me away.
truth.truth.
nothing got into my head anymore.
then i'd start thinking.
a line should have been drawn.
Somewhere!!!!!
haiz..... :(
its a terrible feeling.
but
i know it will stop.
when school starts.
ay.starsplash
the momentum will drive me into a monotonous mode, then.
i wouldnt bother. . .
about you anymore.

RAIN EVERYDAY!!!! SO COLD!!!!
I EVEN WEAR MY JACKET TO SLEEP WITHOUT THE FAN ON!!!!
RAIN RAIN GO AWAY, IF NOT MY RIGHT SOCK WILL BE SOAKED AGAIN THROUGH THE GAP IN MY RIGHT SHOE ON MY WAY TO SCHOOL AGAIN... THEN MY RIGHT TOE WILL BE SOAKED THE WHOLE DAY.... yucks!
i will buy a new pair of shoes on my birthday!

dear bloggy!!!
yesterday i attended this water reclamation course, there were just 3 of us from ang mo kio sec! haha, so pathetic, but nevermind, we entertained him(lecturer) at least so he wouldnt have felt so dejected and embarrassed that no one turned up at all...
before that i went to watch sky of love, the japanese movie.
haha!!!!!
it was touching, but not to the extent that i cried like a fountain uncontrollably... in fact it was quite draggy, a typical love story where the guy dies of cancer...
but the guy was so sweet! haha!!!! the ah beng type, yup! XD lolol!!!
thank you so much for watching with me!
i dont why you want to watch it with me, even though louisa might be there,
but i'm really grateful you were there.
that's why i kept thanking you two.

then,
i asked myself whether i would have survived the entire day being on my own as monsy couldnt make it.
and then, if fungi insisted on going cycling on his own, and that he would go nonetheless, i know i will be strong to pull through the day.
after all, people wont rememeber a girl in black watching a movie on her own anyway....
but then you were there! =)
and haha! it wasnt that awkward as i thought,
but i did it! and my tear didnt fall(yea!!!) probably because i'm watching it with you, and that we were rushing to the course so i didnt concentrate on the movie character's emotions whole heartedly...

then the lecture was so chim i tried my best to piece everything together so that it makes sense, but i figured i was playing the jigsaw puzzle on my own, because they could understand but i was like so blur in my own world... lol!!!!!!! haha!

oh yes! yesterday i cleared my lie! i felt so relieved you know!!!! remember last time i posted i told a lie today? and then i was so emo, but today i told the truth, so my name is cleared from my devil's list of wrongdoings... yeah!!!!! XD

yes yes...
i was so confused yesterday. lost my sleep!
please make things clear the next time, next time you talk please?
so i dont need to wonder...
wont see this blog for a long long time already...
byebye, miss you... :(

ay.starsplash
dont let me fall.
by not being so nice
so i wouldnt fall.
if you wont be so nice.
i dont want to fall
so dont make me fall.
i'll try not to fall...
miss you all.
you.
i am strong, ANNA YEO
first time i used my own name.
ha-ha.

ahhhh....
many things happened recently, nitty gritty stuffs, but mum doesnt allow constant onlining anymore!(haha), so i shall not update often anyway...
-level camp was a horror! okay, it trains us mentatlly but its a torture.
-then guides camp was so nice, with the 6 of us reuniting then we sang peace like a river again, which no one else knows how to do in school now... haiz.... and we sang cheers in our own World.
-disco night was wild!!!! gosh! i no longer jumped like a lunatic in the dark dark hall but we were high man! with OG 19!!!! yeah!!!! and this guy from my lcass was like jogging all along on the spot, but its alright.... !
-then, i was not selected for NEA course, but nonetheless, i will be attending this water reclamation talk tomorrow with my amksian friends!!!
just when we have been separated that we realise we cherish each other much more...
omg! i'm so excited! and i havent owned up the lie i told you yet!!!
-mushroom was referring to mingwei, if you didnt know. that caused whatever misunderstandings there might be, but i'm not gonna pursue it anymore...
-ct0802 gathering!!!! omg!!!!! where do i have time to memorise bio notes!!!! as compared to innova's gosh! their notes are just like our sec 4 notes!!!! compared to ours!!!!!!!
-i finally completed memorising endoplasmic reticulum... its so so so tedious....
-omg! carline sent me a letter to encourage me on!!! i'm so touched! coincidentally when i mentioned her on my blog she read it! =)
anyway, i'm seriously not coming online often anymore...
byebye!
no more breaking of promises again! ha!
and dont be so nice to me!
ay.starsplash.xxx.ididntemo! :)

NYJC'S LEVEL CAMP 2008 IS YUCKS!
ITS THE BLACKEST NIGHTMARE EVER.

omg.
what have i done.

dear journal, i'm so depressed about school today.
that i rushed home, after lunch to piece out my thoughts into words.
oh darn! its MONDAY and i'm feeling this lousy and skeptical...

as i emerged from LT4 i spotted the familiar face of cheryl tan and i rushed toward her and exclaimed - CHERYL TAN! I MISS YOU!!!!!

today is such a difficult day. neither here nor there. so much so that i wanna Whine and scream, and shake someone's hand,
now i know what cheryl low told me is true...
Now i finally experienced how tough it is, i'm ready to give up.
i'm depressed today.i did not call it emo.


somehow i'm lost.
i tag along, behind sherlyn and yuanxing and lijia... i follow blindly behind them... when i walk faster, i'm in teh lead, where i walk tall, stand proud...
a pseudo juxtaposition i display.
lest you expect me to cower in a corner like some noob... a helpless mummy's girl...?

cheryl tan asked me where was i this morning when i was late for school due to the bus that skipped our bus stop...
my friend thought of me.

so i cant do thinsg my way anymore. =( abandon the way i do things, the way i perceive things are. for other girls seem so quiet if i talked to them... they would stare back at me blankly, dont know what i'm thinking. i see why amanda wee dreads her new class now...

i'm shivering from the cold, its raining.
the coldness cant overpower my confusion. it cannot numb my senses from the mess.
ddi i feel like this when i first stepped into cold cold class 4/5 when i enetered depression soon after because i ddnt mask my emotions?
jiayi! why didnt you come online today!!! i want to talk to you!!!! and i called you, you didnt hear me...

But if randy bro can sit alone in the atrium to do his homework not afraid of people's gawking eyes, so can i.
so can i be free to roam and search, i shall never give up looking for shadows of familiar faces that were once greenies... like that of cheryl tan's. who would accompany me when no one is available. One day while tagging behind sherlyn and yuan xing and lijia, i will just disappear. they would think that i've gone off to find my friends...
when i sit in the middle and no one laughs with me, i shall just 'write and write till my pen ink goes dry'...
when my tear falls, all i need to do is to open stretch out my palm to catch and cushion my tears.
so the ground will leave no traces of my lingering presence.

God damn! why am i telling you all these?
i cant contain anymore this rainy afternoon.

probably i should go sleep, then the troubles will hibernate,
disappear when i awake.
where are you carline!
when was the last time i sat beside you ?
the day i sat sat beside you and cried when i realised you had to resit for the exam to determine if you would be retained?
why did the rain stop?
i'm going to bed.
sleep, devil, sleep.
soundly.

ay.starsplash.then it'll be gone.
tse wei said i can piece things together,
its tomorrow. orientation.
i will try.
but i might just give up halfway...
lets hope that i can still smile, with them.

i told goddess auri - i dont believe in luck.
but sometimes we need that lil' wee bit of faith to pull through.
I'M A GUIDE. I CAN DO IT.

I MISS ALL OF YOU!

yesterday i made huge discoveries! haha

#1- the amos / randy gang is a group of really ncie people!

#2- i CANNOT believe how ALOOF i was yesterday. how i treated them without any regard for the way i carry myself, i didnt bother bout my interpersonal skills... i was so headstrong... because i know i will be fine without them.

#3- i realised i cannot get along with Somebodyy........ the cannot 'click' part ... haha!!!!!

#4- i am so greatful to PUMPKIN for accompanying me to bbq yesterday!!! thank you so much pumpkin, i will give you chocs on Monday. =)

#5- amos is hilarious! lol!!!!!! laugh until... yea, he's teh dolphin...

#6- and i guess .... i wouldnt make a difference anyway... i really think so.


next week school for a day, then its orientationa nd camp...
i cannot settle down as yet, i havent been able to.
and i planned to go east coast aprk cycle with 2/5 peeps after fund fiesta on eighth march...
RANDY BRO AND GODDESS AURI!!!! I THINK I'M GOING!!!!!!! haha...

okay, thank you all for asking me along yesterday =)
ay.starsplash.letsgojogging!

dear journal,
i want to declare that -
HAVING GERDA HUANG AS MY CHEM TUTOR IS THE BIGGEST NIGHTMARE OR RATHER, DAYMARE THAT I CAN EVER HAVE!!!!!!!!
and my As for chemistry is bygones..... omg!!!!!!
anyway... i shant let a bulldog ruin my EXCITING DAY's activities!!!!!!
omg!!!!
and now i shall recount everything

yesterday was guanyi's performance in NYJC, he consolidated over 20 of us to go watch him perform... haha! XD
and we did!
it was just so awesome... and memorable... maybe i just believe it so... anyway, i watched my dear new friends like serene and yingzhen and guanyi perform, and i am so very proud of them... that i have such talented friends, that they have made NYJC and all of us so PROUD, i am honoured to have them. seriously.
serene - you were so great, the lead actress, and everyone was saying how preetty you are! MY eye candy!!!!!!
yingzhen - although i saw you lost after the performance offstge, i am so proud of you but i just cant make that sink into you right? so i wonder how many times your names shall be misread from now on! haha...
guanyi - my biggest hero from amkss and nyjc... his voice was the loudest, sorry, too loud... haha, and i was hoping that he glanced at us and end up gigling... LOL!
i'm sure all their parents will be so proud of them!

what is unity? just everyone coming together to get something done? or appearing merely as one Strong voice to overpower any others?
Today amksians who atteded the performance sat in 3 rows in the LT! omg!!! i'm so glad we did so. i mean, all of us sitting together once more... when many of us didnt want to attend, but just because of 1 reason we all know beneath - when will we all ever meet up once more?
it didnt fail me.
it just seems that we were on our own. as usual, the girls didnt mix with the boys well, unlike my 2/5 0'50'60'7... which has become a relic... often its just guanyi and randy talking to us girls... no, its not an insult, just a stark truth. its just thta we are different (like psp!!! haha) and everything.... just that, nothing wrong. Awkwardness, because its so Tough. Nvm, you wont understand. as long as i can sort out what my devil... which others can never do so...
But i am seriously touched that the rest of you makes so much effort to bond US, like RANDY BRO!!!, OBAMA!!!!!(LOL!!!), TSEWEI!!! and GUANYI... who never forgets us despite being so far far away....
that's why i questioned unity, probably replacing it with Support instead... that without amkss, we will be rootless, no where to name where we were once from.
the struggle to cling on... ...
At chomp chomp, it was Goddess Auri's first time there =)
haha... and i returned home smelling as though i ahve been locked in a chimney for a day... now my hair still reeks faintly of the bbq smells... haha... XD
girls just arent that adventurous, while we were satiated with our charkkwayteow and popiah and carrot cake, the boys indulged in stingray and veg and egg?... maybe that's why JIAYI said boys are better, and she thought it might be better to be a boy.. haha!!!!
when boys do not calculate the minute cents and dollars in depth...
anyway...
i saw jialing so listless the entire night...randy said she might be feeling that he was neglecting her once more... when he kept laughing and playing with us. haiz... complicated.
amanda answered randy's probing question of whether she's still single or available...
haha, just say the truth, no one here will comment... she replied as only single!!! lol!!
so that means i am the GUAIEST of them all! hahahhaha.... =)=)=)=)
that at least i am not distracted from my scarce and trivial TEENAGEHOOD...
at least i wont be trapped in some dilemma, that i can carry on with my carefree and derilous dreams and wishes and fantasies...maybe stupid... but just leave me in that fantasy.
Never pull me out.


There's a bbq tonight. Tell me, goddess auri, how YOU DID IT!
i want to play with you all, but its just...
i wanted so much to go watch JUMPER, but again...
so sorry.

one day, my mum asked " so randy is the big brother that one is it..." and i replied "yea.". i didnt even bother to enquire how she knew... when i have only mentioned it in my dear journal and my devilish bloggy... i dont wish to know.

ay.starsplash.4/5 xxxxx
words picture my picturesque night.
ticking moments drains away.
as we bid goodnight to the nightingale,
silent words we say

some things remain untold.
some mysteries never unfold,
friendships that holds -
like the love you'll never know...