my new specs made me get a spliitiling headache the entire day today!!!!
gobbled down 1 and a half apcks of mentos!!! for the energy boost but to no avail...
so i trotted ot hougang mall to buy my hairclips and meet mum....
and now my ankle is still pain and i am being bugged down by my amkss friends' sadness ... gosh! and this time round its all the boys emoing and feeling anguish with one another... come on guys!!!
tui yi bu hai kuo tian kong you know....
hope things go well...
and Jj will still be my virtual friend, haiz... its too tedious to change that....
ay.stasrplash.headache.
i put my msn nic as BUSY AND MAY NOT REPLY yet so many ppl clicked on my name!!! haiz... then i scolded them... haha...!
byebye!!! i NEED TO SLEEP!

ppl!!!! buy me a marshmallow star cushion for me on my birthday okay!!!! i am sleepless without my marshmallow cushion big one from giftanme or mini toons..... boohoo!
just threw the old one away.....

I AM SO PROUD OF ZHANG JING JING FROM MY 2/5 O'5 0'6 0'7!!!!!! WHO HAS BECOEM TOP SCORER FOR AMKSS AND DONE AMKSS AND 2/5 AND ME SO SO VERY PROUD!!!!!!
YEAH!!!!!!! MY FRIEND FOR 4 YEARS!!!!!
I HUGGED YOU AND I BEGAN CRYING!!!!!
BECAUSE I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU MY FRIEND!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU ARE MY HEROINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY WORTHY AND HELPFUL FRIEND WHO LENDS ME GEOG TB, AND MY BRILLIANT FRIEND!!!!!!!!!! WHO EXCELLED AND CLIMBED IN 4/4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YEA!!!!


i had 11 ponts, i expected 14,
my higher mother tongue has B3!!!!! omg la!!!!
i expected c5/c6
my combined humans got A2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i expected B4 la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay... i surpassed my predictions,
but my english surprisingly had a B3!!!! god!!!!
i think its because the title is heros, but i wrote on heroines!!!!
haiz...
and stupid sciemce SPA made my science grades 3,2,1....
only my GREAT BIO had A1!!!1
and phy 3!!!! god!!!!
the easiest papaer i got 3!!! must be the pendulum experimenet!!!!!
luckily i'm not taking phy is JC!!!!
i must study hard for bio!!!!!!!!!!!!!


yeayeayea!!!!!
love amkss!!!!
I SWEAR TO PUT ON 2 BADGES ON MY RIGHT AND LEFT COLLAR FROM TODAY ONWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
COME NYJC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND I WILL ENTERTAIN YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAH!!!!!


ay.starasplash!!!!!!! ELEVEN FOR LONERFIVE!!!!!
I'M HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!
though i did so much badly....
compared to my class and standard, i used to be top or the tops.... now i ahve dwindled all along... and it seems noone bothers anymore, taht's a good thing, YES, GOOD thing, yet i feel quite empty....

BUT I AM HAPPY! and contented!!!!
=)
cheer up okay!!!
no matter what, take things in stride, make new friends, and you will be FINE!
you can fit in, definitely!!!!
the UG, and OG 19 and Athene and AMKSS spirit! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!

THURSDAY!!!!
MEETING MY OLD PALS FOR LUNCH!!1
THEN THE TRUTH, THEN ROAMING MY ALMA MATER DEAR!
THEN FRIDAY og BBQ!!!! YEAH!!!!
SATURDAY COLLECT SPECS!
SUNDAY STUDY!!!!
haha!!

today was NYJC's GAMES DAY!!!!!!!
it was so fun!!!!
JUNYAN WAS OUR HERO!!!!!
TO SHOOT IN 2 NETBALL BALLS!!!! SCORING US 2 GOALS!!!!!!
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay, at first the boys were so wishy washy, so reluctant to participate in the gamees with us girls, yingzhen, amanda, serene, zanier and I.....
then they wasted half an hour decideing...
then they walked away, serene was so emo,
that all the teachers were saying -
this might be your last day here, so let you enjoy today....
and teachers say- if you are not coming back
and friends saying - good luck...

i never believed in luck... it didnt work, it will never work, sometimes you need that lil wee bit of faith though, my amkss friends would have heard me say this, and so, i shall not clap tomorrow...
and i wont talk to anyone, and i will ignore veeryone if i am down.
then i will go look for louisa and aurina.
my true friends who will not think bad of, or despise me.

back to schooling day,...
the boys walked away. i almost cried.
because i imagined a teary serene coming back and realising they are gone, and our OG will be so empty and broken.
i almost cried.
but the junyan did stupid things.
and they, zanier, him and rudi came back!!!!!
and they changed!
and serene returned and smiled.
and we proceeded as an OG to play so many games!!!!!
i think i am realy not a sports person, because while playing sports, i knock into so many people, and they are angry, and i think the whole world will be my enemy if i play sports in the longterm...

so so, floorball was vigorous, frisbee was fun!!! the girls won the boys! haha. because of help of the wind!!! dodge ball!!!OMG!!!!
AMANDA AND I WERE THE HEROES!!!! HAHA!!!! OMG!!!! so funny!!!!
i held the ball, and this indian black guy was holding another, then i give him the come la, attack me, look and he too!!!
but in the end he passed to someone else!!!1 then then when my oppsing team was at its weakest point, i took my ball and attcked hard at the girls' legs contuinuously.... with amanda helping me to pass!!!
haha, i guess 2 lessons of dodge ball during PE has trained amnada and i to be a super pair!!!!
so proud of myself and OG 19 ATHENA!!!!!!

and then, even though we lost in several games, OG 19 was there!!!!
it mattered alot, becuase .......... it did.
even though now i know the truth, at a loss that kind of feeling.
i am glad OG 19 is together today.
i am so happy, even if this might be the last time we are all playing as an OG after orientation... One that i have found for myself in NYJC.
thank you.
serene.junyan.amanda.jiayi.rudi.zanier.yingzhen.RJ.chong.
jiajie.kaiquan.jun.clement.qinying.shirlyn.

i talked to aurina on msn.
she enlightened me.
she told me the most terrible thing that might happen tomorrow is that we see ppl smiling and cheering, and they come forward to check out our results. and we are too down to answer.... i will ignore her, monsy. i will ignore them.
i will keep quiet and i will go into my own world.
yes, i want that.

then i said, it not that we are embarrassed or what, its THE DEVIL within us, telling us we are so shameful of ourselves, that we cannot tell ppl, just to preserve our pride, that wee bit of ourseves in history, so ppl can still see us standing tall.
its so tedious.

you said you werent emo. .
i will emo too.
but i seldom in nyjc.
and i saw how our OG ppl cared for one another.
they said they didnt want to play,
but they didnt leave.
they hesitated.
and how much i want them to play.
know why now.
why ppl did things,
why ppl had their own choices...
how ppl tried to smile.
i remembered i cried so terribly,
last year.
when i found out about MY FRIEND.
i went to see a counsellor.
so ppl know we still care.
i am scared, so so super
frightened.
of death.
let me be.
and i dont know what else to say.
please stay in NYJC.
i want to see all my OG ppl again...
things wont ever be the same.

it wa the first time
i heard you all say those things,
which ppl have never ever spoken of to me...
i never even dreamt.
but i fitted in alrighjt...

afew days ago, i thought and thought,
who are these friends to me.
acquaintances, i would say.
those that come and go, appear in our lives
guide us through this stage of life we are going through,
then they will drift and be gone.
that's what the counsellor told me last year.
and it is so true.
but i know long before she told me so.
i understood , life.
maybe
nothing makes sense on my blog.
but if i dont say, i might never will.
and so, people come and go.
and i have learnt to accept and take things lightly,
that i no longer DARE to make
true, good friends in 4/5, class last year.
i really gave up.
until louisa and surong talked to me and tried to penetrate.
only these 2 .
i wont let others.
and it isnt about my results tomorrow.
i dont care, i am prepared.

ay.starsplash.ididemo.
and There's really a devil within Us.

CHERYL LOW'S BLOG SONG MADE ME CALM DOWN
SERENE'S EMO POST MADE ME EMO
GP RESEARCH MADE ME FRUSTRATED
LOVELY WORDS MADE ME ENVIOUS...

why can ppl post their emo post but i have to hide.
why did i put emo posts and ppl will start commenting on it?
today i suddenly sank into MISSING.
i miss monsy and louisa and everyone.
suddenly i felt - why hadnt i heard myself being called BUN! for so long?
and then i emo.
because no one else on earth will ever call me that.
its one and only sepcial one.
and i wonder why i havent emoed in school yet,
and i wonder whether it is YOU, who were insensitive and said hurtful things to me, taht made me reflect and ponder and wonder why people did certain things....
that made me emo, that i can suddenly stay so quiet in my seat beside the window and begin ignoring people around me, like bubbly Pumpkin Ho.
sorry monsy. i should never doubt you. but as i compare my 2 years, now and previous, its so different.
yet i like my old one, where i can emo and no one will intrude.
I NEED YOU LOUISA!!!!!!
i wonder why i was able to talk so long with jingjing who is in TJC now, but when i saw monsy, it really reduced to a hi and a bye. like i have imagined.

and then i suddenly MISSED INVISIBLE AND I STARTED SMSING HER.
i didnt wnat to procrastinate anymore.
i am glad louisa nad i both have the eagerness to meet each other.
that's how she took 1 and 1/2 years to penetrate my shells.

i dont wnat to fall into another friendship net. a net with tangles and thorns to hinder my movement...

Yesterday yesterday jiayi revealed a part of her to me, i was surprised, but it isnt my right to find out more if she does not reveal on her own accord.
like how i might find ppl presurrizing.
luckily my protective shield is so... strong....
strong that i havent pierced with my ultimate diao.

ay.starsplash.randomemowordsxx

take on me.... take on me...
take me on... take me on...
i'll be yours...
set me free....


okay, olevels results out next week.
i'm not excited because i'm prepared! =)
and i went back to AMKSS my mu xiao on thursady for sec one orientation campfire.
the whole momo gang was there except mom. (haha)
but i still did not mix with them, i cannot betray myself of who i am.
yet i was reflecting how hatred and disgust can just rest like this, i mean REST<>
so, its the DEVIL manipulating our minds.
we're still friends, acquaintances with the rest.

ppl were so dead, hey only wanted to gather to talk, but auri and i went to blend into the crowd to be HIGH and sang and celebrated! haha! oh yea, with randy bro too! XD
i love hanging out with my amkss peeps!!!!
LOUISA!!!! WHERE WERE YOU ON THURSDAY!!!! I CALLED YOU!!!!!! =(

yesterday was nyjc's parent talk on JC life, the principal repeated almost everything he has rattled to us about... and OMG!!!! he said - BECAUSE NYJC'S LOCATED ON A MOUNTAIN...
OMG!!!!!! what a mistake !!!! should have been hill!!! oh god!!! disgraced!!!

anyway, take 1 thing at a time, and time will pass...
before we know it!
let's face it together, and...
lets go.

ay.starsplash.see you!
missing is just a torture, by the devil.

okay..... separated from my OG into seminar groups and everyday people will tell me
ANNA!!!!! SO LONG DIDNT SEE YOU AREADY!!!!!!

yes, i miss you all too... but because of my bio and geog we are always in different groups... i guess soon yu will not know i was once with you all. who emoed and stoned with you all during lunch time...

i attended RC humanitarian orientation today... so slack but i want the skills and to help ppl not slack around, i wont get into badminton anyway... remember in sec 1 when i was kicked out of round 2 BMT trails i almost cried, suppressed till home then cried out loud to mum... i wont bear such high hopes anymore....

i suddenly realise teases and gossips make me think wild...
i guess i might have fallen.
but nono!!!!!!
i said NO!

tmr there's PE!!! yeah
hate i6t when it rains... makes the field so muddy and track so moist! how are we gonna lie there to exercise? serene said we would go running together after PAE!!!! i am anticipating!!!
omg1 then we will go to Pulau Bukom Oil refinery free of charge!
amkss wont ever do that... so stingy....
and i realised our classrooms are air conditioned! oh god! wow!!!
and today i realised i am a hermit, who KNOWS NUTS ABOUT POLITICS during GP quiz... i only know about singapores a380 and terminal 3 and global warming blah blah... haha...
that's why i am rushing through The starits times now...

i relised how easily someone can be down, as in downcasted - by the weather, ppl around you, circumstances, future, liek how joey suddenly cried during fake alarm drill today throwing tantrums wanting to go home. how junyan walked out of the canteen stoning being so sian and emo, how jj made me so sad with his - ALL ALONE msn nic and conversation about sucky life in AJ, how louisa' emo blog made me reminisc, qingyun's blog saying nobody visits anymore...

i didnt wnat to blog anymore, no la, not because JY found out, i put in my msn link ma... anyway, just feel so bare, naked, intruded that its revealed, what i once was, were.

i feel glad, that friends say they didnt see me for so long, that she said she missed us, taht we still had gatherings...
so long for now....
i'm gald i make friends quickly, how i entered teh classroom for RC humanitarian ALONE and made freiends with 2 other girls, exchanged numbers... just like how i loved everyoen at watsons... haha....

i must be stronger?
i am strong!!!!
but just skeptical.
that's all.
byebye!
where else can i go?
ay.starsplash.
shant put white words anymore...

today i went to play bmt with amanda, serene, yingzhen and sheryl. just to train for our bmt trail next week... haha... felt naiive, but in the end i pulled through and had a Real joyous time with my new girl friends. thanks girls, but you all might not be reading this.
didnt wnat you all to chance upon here, but nvm.....

i'm quite sad today.
oh no!
emo is setting in.
because junyan will be tranferred form OG 19 (ours) to OG 20 tmr!!!!! just because he's an appeal student.
then our OG will lack life, fun, laughter, smiles and memories.
people think our OG is so united but we are not.
we separate into our own cliques, pairs, groups whenever wherever...
and its junyan and rudi who jokes and entertains us to make us bond as 1 OG.
if not i really wonder how i'd survive NYJC's orientation these few days, really.
but he will not be in our OG anymore.
and he was so emo today!!! GOD! a guy emoing, so scary! okay, maybe its over his PLMGss girl!!! (hahaha)...... but probably, i know he's sad to leave our group too.
then we'll not have an OG rep anymore. =(
okay, we are all sad.
all the more i want a OG BBQ soon!!!!!
anyway.

i used to detest ppl for reciting words i have written on my blog, telling me what i have written. as if i dont know. dont do that. or you shall suffer my ultimate diao 4/5 is so wary of... ...
MY EMO BLOG.
EMO BLOG BUT A HIP SONG PREVIOUSLY?
BECAUSE NOBODY HAS SEEN ME EMO YET.
BECAUSE I AM SMILEY AT SCHOOL.
MAYBE ITS A TRICK FOR MYSELF, BUT I REALLY HAVENT.
UNTIL NOW.
we feel the reluctance that jy is leaving.
THIS IS MY EMO BLOG.

i am so glad goddess auri came to talk to me today, to tell me she, too is worried bout my Bio and Geog H2... so, with what she has said, i have made up my mind to take geog as H1, bio math and chem H2.
thank you alot AURI!!!!!!!!! you enlightened me today, but i know you didnt know! haha
and i'm joining Red cross humanitarian network.
i think i am brainwashed into being so nice.
i want to help people.
to save the world.
where has my devil gone?
i was so enthu to write down my name without third or fourth thoughts la....
so....

things about me got worse today.
what am i to do!
i'm afraid i wont dare see or face again....!!!!!!!
god!
now i wished i had back my previous quiet alone life.
aint i contradicting and greedy?

ay.starsplash.
this is my emo blog.
i admit i am emo but i dont show it in sch. not yet i guess.
but i aint adopting it as a style.
i want to save the world.
from global warming. from hatred. from poverty. from pain.
from the devil within them.
xsplashedx

i somehow want to say yet i dont want.
okay, nvm...
my primary school friends are also in NYJC.
i wonder how the quiet and demure Elyssa, with so much etiquette and culture and decorum as i see her in primary 6 has become so Wild, laughing so loudly in school at the top of her voice before entering the toilet, all because of something stupid her Male friend has done... i mean...
why is she doing that to attract so VERY much attention? why do intelligent girls, like her, from cedar talk so loudly, to show off WHAT? their language and style?
i no longer know her... we used to write letters to each other in our notebooks for over a year... we used to know so much of each other... now, we just force a smile when we brush past each other.
i'm just disillusioned.
everytime i see her, everyday i see teh shadow of MY friend, i wished she didnt see me, taht i didnt know her, so we would not feel awkward seeing each other.
i wished she were my stranger.
that's my selfishness.

and people keep going in groups for many activites... sometimes i just want to leave them and go home. i dont want to spend these money, yet once again, i might be the wet blanket to destroy everything they were so excited with, so i just go along.
how many times can i escape form them?
that i'm just a stingy hermit who throws a wet blanket many atimes.

nobody has said that of me, ever.
no one has ever said it to me.
is it a neutral compliment? or a praise?
maybe i once wished i lived my life in silence, taht no one would know me, know who i am.
now, at watsons and at school.
there's talks involving me.
be it good or bad.
Its me.
some part of me feels harrassed, taht i cant keep my life confidential...
that what i ahve been doing all along has SUCCEEDED, taht i have attracted attention to myself, my secluded lone ly life. that now some part of me wished i were just a being.

that time in the hall i was sitting in front and i just shouted out my answer because it was a a simple questiona nd the teacher was asking for an answer a hundred and 1 times. so i just shouted out the answer, and she announced my name and held the mike to my mouth for me to explain my answer.
i felt so proud of myself. so proud of the girlguides spirit in me to volunteer, to seize the chance, to take the initiative. like i always say so and tell my friends in class - if i were sitting in front, i will volunteer my answer. and yes, i have done that.
yet i was so embarrassed of my VOICE after that! omg! the entire hall rang with my voice for an instant. you know my voice right... yup.

i have made good acquaintances with serene, teh st nick's girl in my OG. she's humble and nice. and i leant today that she says she will suddenly very high, then suddenly stay very quiet, like i have done so amny times in class 4/5. so i am not weird. taht peopel have their emotions, taht no one else will ever understand.

ay.starsplash.
some acquaintances will, might never appear again in a lifetime.

school's fun, lessons are getting alil wee bit tougher...
and so soon, this friday,
my OG is palnning a bbbq at pasir ris park1
omg!!!
are we taht close?
are we that true?
no we arent.
but i can see everyone is tricking themselves and scaping through the tough, NEW life.
saturday go back watsons...
and
byebye.
dont wnat to tell you things anymore...
ay.starsplash.splashed*

you know the feeling,
when you are so tired,
you want to be in your own world,
and that no one will call you or sms you stupid things,
okay, not stupid, but...
i-just-dont-want-to-talk-to-you
kind of feeling.
and so i didnt even write any HAPPY or STRUGGLING issues
about my new life without watsons but
nayang junior college in my journal,
and so i am too tired to spell out here.
so what if its here?
how many eyes do see it?
why do they have to know.
i need not tell you if i'm HAPPY or SAD.
so it shall be in black and white.
i shall leave things white form now on.
till my life is stabilised.
that day i emoed on the bus to sch1!
oh god!

got to sms wenhui.
and she said she was tempted to sms me at sch...
and receiving random smses form yihling.
i felt so sweet.
my watsons friends for just a month but we seem like old friends.
kassim said a friend at school and at work is totally different.
































life at nyjc
is so free and relaxed and wild.
i just think my wild thoughts will return.
i am so afraid.
got to control myself.
wished i was numbed.
yet the devil is looking.
yet for another victim.
i am evil and selfish.
and crazy.

devil. bad devil. killing my goodwill.

ay.starsplash.dont fall.

i have already
pulled through 3 days.

omg.
first day of school today.
BUT I HAVENT COME BACK TO EARTH.
because i still dazed about the time at watsons, when its so late, 11am plus in the surrounded school hall, but watsons has just opened the stall! hahaha...
and i reached home at 6.45pm! so its more than 12 hours in school... god!
here's my last day at watsons...
we were so havoc teh entire day and nobody scolded us ebcause it was our last day!
and they missed us!!!!
they missed me! haha...
because they said my letters to them (which i am fond of... haha), almost amde them cry, and kassim said i was so sweet! haha...
anyway...
i missed my job to bits pieces, fragments and everything small.....
that my mind drifted there so often.