I hate my grandmother.I suck as a brother. sent 28-08-08 10:53 PM:
ill see you tmr ah!

and i never knew Dave Perry Sam expected me to return to AMKSS on teacher's day. last night i was thinking what i'd do when i return from chiang rai in mid december. sakura with greeny gang! and Yes, i want to go out with amkss 2/5 0'50'60'7. friends. probably the legacy did live on ... last night i saw myself cycling with dave, mingwei, qingyun, carline, kianlam, wenyuan, celtic circle, lilan, kaili, yijing, tommy, zaiyou. oh yes! jingjing!!! at East Coast park.
trampling on separate paths,
i saw myself camwhoring with qingyun and carline by my two sides on the waterbreaker and someone was taking pics for us! i was posing for the camera, and rachel's iconic action.
All too clearly.
farewell assembly on the 12.10.2007, 2/5 came togther once last time for a class pic. But Ms lew wasnt there.


we'll take this pic again, WE WILL! XD

at Plaza Singapura yesterday, QINGYUN snoopy called me from the escalators!!! our beloved curry noodles, you'll never forget how it tastes okay! and at RC HQ i saw YUEN WELIN !!! and i started mimicking her iconic laughter - hehheh... haha... it was how we began catching up without the slightest tinge of jagged awkwardness. Probably its just me blabberring all the way...

i went shopoing on my own yesterday.
i went Bugis and PS
i met people i loved.
it was a nice feeling. =)

on the 21st and 22nd december alright?
i will call all of you to go East Coast Cycling.
dont fail me...
but i wouldnt blame you all, even so.

ay.starsplash.
is this a small world after all?

SINGAPORE FIREWORKS FESTIVAL 2008!!!!

SO FUN!

Pictures from jingke and huiru!!!!

XD

Ahh!!!! Uniquely Singapore!!!!

In fronta my beloved stars display at Espalnade underpass!

So nice right, the purple stars!!!

we were being looney.

LOL! i enlarged this pic and it became like this!

Thi is the nicest pic!!!! such ncie background!

also at espalnade underpass, they always change the dispaly,

I LOVE IT THERE!!!! TO BITS AND PIECES!!!

kids palying with the inflatable... ahha!

Here it comes!!!

man, it was a fantastic display!

Us in fronta the seats at The seating gallery..

here was also where the national day celebrations were held!

XDXD

ALL OF US!!!! SO NICE!!!!! NY-GREENYGANG!!!!!

WAIT wait, there's a VJCian!!!!! from amkss volleyball!!!!!

our idol!!!! ha!

look at huiru's finger in the pic!!!!

so cool la!!! like some emo pic scene!

LOve It!

LOOK at the Monsters!!!!!!!!!

They spent so long taking a hundred and one pics

just for this one where all THEIR MOUTHS ARE LIGHTED UP!!!!!!!

At 9plus pm, it drizzled after the fireworks, and

the most number of umbrellas opened in a day in the CITY.

a record was broken i guess...

Jingke and i, she's so small!!! ... and cute! haha

lOok at the majestic ferris' wheel!!!!

My dear cheryl tan!!!!! =)

me and jinx

that's pumpkin ho peiqi!~

taht's YIR!!!! guanyi

greenies!

the the cool pic with inx and randy bro!


bye!

rushing to geog lesson now!!! see ya!

I dont know where to begin with...
But they appeared nearer and nearer, as though a blast coming right at my face. They made my heart palpitate with every Burst of energy. they mesmerised me.
They ignited the confidence and prudence i have believed in, for Singapore.
On the 22nd and 23rd of August 2008,i attended Fireworks 2008 celebrations at Marina bay's floating gallery with Goddess Auri, YIR, Randy bro, Pumpkin, huiru, jiarong and Jingx.. The event i had anticipated earnestly for days, weeks... it had kept me going.
Rain gods might have blessed the arena, but it gave the ambience an even more wonderland feel, with angels' tears yea?
guanyi's finger swept across the minute skyscrapers and asked me if i were proud of Singapore. I replied that i have always been seeng this scene... Maybe i have always taken things for granted.
I saw stars falling, i saw stars disappearing, into my hands, so near yet so far.
It was this moment i found the answer. How my soul swelled with pride for the success of Sinagpore when i'm encaptured within a capsule - my imagination - with only slits directing my vision toward the blooms of fireworks....
Every burst of sparks made me soar higher, bolder.
On 'starry' nights like this, the lights never go out.
Because the city is ALIVE.
My first RED t-shirt ever, Uniquely Singapore.

On the last night on the 23rd august, my mood fluctuated like mad. My sadness culminated every second the fireworks exploded.
I had yet another crazy idea, that i was gonna have my wedding photos taken at the CITY CENTRE!!! Mum would surely 100% say i'm siao... but i'm just dreaming here la. in fronta the merlion, the esplanade, in front of the gigantic ferris' wheel, the majestic skyscrapers.
I simply love it there alright, The city that never sleeps.
On my way home i stared around me, and it all feels the same. Some drudgery, somewhere familiar.
I want the city where i am unknown...
Though i was merely an amateur usher those two days, i knew what i wanted, what i loved. I realised who i am why i was there.
i knew myself.

ay.starsplash.some things keep me going.
I had every moment of fun with all of you, i will never ever forget this event, the one and only opportunity.
i love the red tshirt alot alot, and the lanyard is in my cupboard, snug and warm, i'll keep it safe.
Even though the sparks dimmed as they fell from the sky...
I REALISED - It was there, WATCHING the display WITH YOU GUYS,
THAT I AM GRATEFUL FOR.
It was there with you all that was so worthwhile, no matter what.
It was the one and only reason
i had emoed...

PUFFERFISH!!!!!!

When i was young, it never occurred to me how majestic the Olympic Games were at that time. i just knew there was a competition and all i am aware of was the stunts my favourite female gymnast displayed with confidence and gusto.
I missed the 2004 Athens olympics, hmm... 2004, i guess i was struggling hard coping with secondary 1. Till now then i have realised and learnt that OH! the previous Olympics was actually held at Athens!... and now, the 2008 Beijing Olympics is held close to my heart.
The knowing of it at Beijing, a Chinese country does arouse some sense of controversy within me... it immediately reminds me of the 5 olympic mascots! so cute, and the main character, Jingjing, is My dear Amksian friend's name, that's why its so easily etched within me. it brings me glory for the chinese people to a certain extent, that they (the republicans of China) could construct such magnificent structures within such a tight time schedule, and the spectacular opening ceremony that involved thousands of participants (imagine our national day parade was taht large a scale) and of course China is doing very well indeed in all fields of sports in the Olympics! =)
yet on the other hand, with the recent occurences of natural calamities in and about, is it really wise for the government to focus all their attention to ensure that the games proceed without glitches, while those at wenchuan county and sichuan province might still be grappling with survival means... the last minute panic to maintain and improve China's air quality, the hasty bid to clear up its streets and country and the recent ban on doggy meat... all for the sake of the Olympics... and how long will infrastructures, the Bird's Nest, the Water Cube and the National Aquarium Centre, names i have come to learn from my English comprehension passage be deemed secure? why is there only action when this event is taking place and not as a necessity for the country?

Nonetheless, this Olympic games has fostered bonding between communities and most importantly, between societies! and i am so proud of that! i recall dad, mum and i sitting in front of the TV with our hearts racing in sync with the swimmers as the milli seconds jump vehemently... how i nerve wreckingly urged them to ' hurry!!!! hurry!!!!! just a little more!!!' to break a world record by a mere 2 seconds... i see eyes transfixed onto TV mobile on buses that i ride home daily... my legs almost twitched as i imagine i was one of the 'synchronised diving' divers on the LIVE broadcast! man, it was exhilarating! and just this afternoon in NYJC, all the telvision sets meant for announcements around the school broadcasted the LIVE table tennis match between Lijiawei and Kim, another Korean opponent. It was such a comforting scene, i assure you... Students willing to forsake lessons, mainly PE to watch the gruelling crucial match Singapore has to take and the inexplicable desire to WIN. maybe its for pride, greed, or maybe to minimise humiliation... but i saw all of us with our heads tilted toward the TV set!!! everytime Singapore gained a point, the students went YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so cool!!! auri tried to film it down but the enthusiasm was too unexpected! haha... Principle Mr Quek was so excited walking so fast around the school winding through the 'crowd' and i said 'Mr Quek is going to Beijing soon to cheer for LJW already..' haha! XDXD.
I know, all of us held that little faith, the lighting spirit, even if NY still uses oil lamps,... we willed her to win. =)

ay.starsplash. 和你们在一起,是我最初,和最后的天堂

i trudged to school with a heavy heart this morning,
i felt the magic that sleep will shower me with -
Didnt work anymore.
i aint healed.
but little things cheer me up.
knowing there is mass dance did cheer me up.
its lame la, i know,
but if i could do something nice like that
it could at least make me look forward to the end of the day.
i realised i cannot bring myself to recount anything in school for so long.
becuase they arent pefect wonderland things...
why think of them and make myself fret?
forget it.
Mdm Ainon is a good teacher.
Mr Yee is a very caring form teacher.
we shouldnt BLAME others for what we have not done well.
It was OUR fault.
I dint blame anyone.
i was just angry.
Because it was Our fault.

i thought i could sling my bag and return home light heartedly today.
i thought i could reach home while its still morning and rest for awhile.
i thought the day i have long awaited for has finally arrived...
i thought i could come home immediately to my safe home.
but you wont get what you want.
you just cant ask for it.
(my old friend once told me this.)

what do you do when you are down?
the 10 things i do when i am sad.
1) eat and eat
2) sleep.
3) cry it out.
4) write it all down in words in my beloved notebook
5) ignore everyone
6) diao people for no reason.
7) emo blog.
8) rush home from school
9) sleep.
10) eat and eat.


ay there's only some Things that keep me going.
和你们在一起,
是我最初,
和最后的天堂

its you guys i see that i give myself the liberty,
yes, permission for the tears to well up.

next friday.

today i felt 3 times lighter, like my head was able to float... i felt happier, haha!
because i cut my hair today, it is so much thinner now, the entire salon ground area around my swivel chair was flowered with hair!!!!!!!!!! oh gosh!!! it was really alot!!!! see, jealous i have ALOT of hair? haha, thick hair... sec 1 my hair was such a big bunch and long man, you wont believe it!!!! then it evolved to a short short stick due to Girlguides forbidding the coverage of the state crest behind the scarf... then sec 4 i kept it long again...proud of my thick hair! haha...
finally i can SPA my scalp and save on 'pours' of shampoo! XD

i'm so excited for the fireworks festival... er, is it at chinatown or sth? i doubt so right? i'll be attending it as CIP with GREENY gang!
there's just some things that keep me going, i wonder what will happen to me if these things ever end.

and i cant wait to stand down from CCA, soon i'll be stepping down!!! =) YEAH!


ay.starsplash.
和你们在一起
是我最初, 和最后的天堂

WHEN
i was little, i would rebutt every comment mum threw at my face deep in my heart and insist that i am correct. It soon became a routine, i would pacify her for hours, i would not talk to her for days... i remember clearly that the record was about 3 weeks, we played - cold-war, while my butt rotted in my study room reading storybooks for 12 hours... then eventually i still had to lower my pride and declare that it had been my fault even though i do not feel remorseful at all. and she would dig up all the other wrong things that i have ever done. i hated that.
without fail, she would dig out all the stuffs... till i cry. when i was little i never felt rguilty.
until recently when i have grown, that i feel the misery whenever mum doesnt talk to me. Like i am so vulnerable and alone all of a sudden. when sorry-s no longer work... because i once depended so much on mum's presence at home while i rushed home at the first chime from school.
i was disillusuioned - i just wanted to keep something from her, i was bewildered in being superior, to hold a knowledge she wouldnt decipher... but ultimately i spouted 3 nonsensical lies in a row only to shatter - myself. She was disappointed.
I have tempered with the routine. *insensibility.
why did you have to lie anna yeo?
i remember this lie the most distinctly, because it hurt mum.
i love you mum, i cant speak it out yet. one day, i will.

maybe i had been entranced in my euphoria, struggled in the heaps of 'school', grappled with the love of undulating frienship.
I was wrong. it is a crime.
like a noobxxx somehow.


ay.starsplash.
what's lost
is impossible to retrieve
和你们在一起
是我最初, 和最后的天堂

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!!!!

The one thing i finally figured why i love Esplanade so much is that The city never sleeps. Its late, yet the night was still young. people strolled against the night breeze, people jived with the live rock band. I spotted this distinction between the city and town. The town seemed so traditional, you know what time of month it is now right, there's a faint sense of precaution in the air... while in the city drums roll and beat and awaken the mummies... its so nice, caucasians sat chilling out beneath the cloudy star filled sky sipping lemonade. Maybe life is... bitter-sweet? I want to do that too!!!! i swear when i grow up and earn big bucks i will go chillout often too! haha!

yesterday night was my first annual gathering with fellow greenies. =) 080808!
so sweet. it was a sweet feeling! i'm glad everyone's fine.
we sat before the singapore river and watched the spirit of Singapore gear up for its Birthday! There was a live rockband, my heart almost dislodged from the pressure of the basses through the speaker! gosh! i had the most expensive dinner ever with my friends at yuki and yaki.i was willing, cause its an anuual indulgence with dear friends! =) for once i shared the silence with them. Its nice anyway. =)

no emoing.
though i want to. but i have written everything in my journal i dont wish to spell it out here. today my journal number #9 ended... =( so i began a new book on this significant day. haiz... i would always be so reluctant to put a used journal into the cupboard...=(
i just wanna say it was such a sweet feeling and i appreciate it alot alot that we made this pact. =)


Bright colours put us in the spot light
as our pact was fulfilled -
like a birthday wish.
as i write these,
pages dwindle.
Just like time drifting further.
kai xin de shi ke, shi duan zhan de.
i forced her to promise -
no matter how busy you are, you will meet up alright?
but now i only have 1 wish -
no matter how busy we are, will we study together again, will you cook tonight ? haha.
Against the metropolis of lights in the back drop
i witnessed the singapore spirit,
the city that never sleeps
entrancing me deep.

its weird.
i dreamt of you.
i kept quiet though i missed you (all of you).


it is JJ's birthday today also.
i bought chocs. but for this i told a lie. a minor but detrimental lie. i lied to mum and she found out and i havent apologised to her yet. sounds childish? But, you wouldnt know how i was being brought up. so, =( i havent got the chance to apologise for lying. i'm such a stupid fool lying with no links.! and mum saw through it all with a glance. and this national day i didnt talk to her.
sorry mum. i dont know why i lied. i will not lie anymore. i promise.
i wouldnt do stupid things anymore.


ay.starsplash.revive this resurrection.
greeny-greenies.
We are ONE.
so long for now.

sweets used to cheer me up.
today i bought chocos at Plaza singapura for a birthday gift, and bought several for myself.
My national day treat you know, i popped in a seventy cents in one mouthful. because i was happy. =)
today i went to rc HQ to collect certs for the slackers. I dont know why i did that. why i had to collect it for them. i contemplated collecting just my own. the devil no longer manipulates me. i know i ought to do the RIGHT thing. i'm numbed. so i collected for everyone. should i have?

sweets make me happy=)
searched long for thsi song.
happy National Day.
the one day i am truly patriotic=)
i am a GUIDE, always and always a GIRLGUIDE =)

its a happy night.

ba yue ba hao.
08/08/08
eighth of August.
marina square
esplanade
sakura
pastamania
it doesnt matter.
its the effort
we make it there
the comfort
that our friends are fine
the love-
revived.
yet
the chain has broken
its vulnerable
with the cruelty of forgotten
the harshness of forsaking.
i'm disappointed
but as long as
we hold on tight
we'll be there.
there on the rooftop.
this year its different.
there's a new
ferris wheel
the lights of my life,
the fairytale love revived.
=)
ay.starsplash.we'll hold on tight.

你就是我的天使 保护著我的天使
从此我再没有忧伤
你就是我的天使 给我快乐的天使
甚至我学会了飞翔
飞过人间的无常 才懂爱才是宝藏
不管世界变得怎黱样
只要有你就会是天堂

像孩子依赖著肩膀 像眼泪依赖著脸庞
你就像天使一样 给我依赖给我力量
像诗人依赖著月亮 像海豚依赖海洋
你是天使 你是天使
你是我最初和最后的天堂

on the way home -

today i walked home from school.
after the boring bbq for SLCfarewell for J2s
i strolled against the cool night breeze home =)
it was nice, i'm used to walking long distances, but i wasnt tired.
i was happy beneath those stray stars...
keep close, dear stars.

for no reason,
i was feelin' down in the morning.
maybe things just start colliding agianst me, like bababoom...
tried hard to study, but my classmates were joking about our class family tree and i left to sit with goddess auri.
then i migrated to peiqi then jocelyn and cheryl tan....
Several days ago, fungi appeared in the morning at amk hub after so long and stared around. then we asked what he was doing, and he replied - just looking around. haha!
We missed you Fungi...
Randy bro has found new friends.

Today, YILING came to NYJC!!!! i was so happy to see her. =)! i ran from the canteen all the way to the grandstand to meet her! =)
we'll go out real soon.


You know, a feeling once lost is impossible to retrieve.
i tried but i was merely trying too hard.
so it felt like nothing would alter anything after all...
=) and i'm happy now.
i've just learnt that
A Feeling once Lost is Impossible to retrieve.



today, my friend asked me if xx is attached. i was like _______________.
speechless.
if that is so, i would have indeed lost my innocent and sensible friend.
cheryl low, you know this person. It might be true, but i'd be so disappointed.
How she has always believed not in child's play at this crucial moment.
How practical she always was.

Behind those hazel eyes, i fear.
because i've failed. i admit that i have shuned my presence away from her ever since that incident. but. but
Once again, do not fall into the whirlpool, my dear 2/5 0'50'60'7 friend.
i might have lost you. but i pray for the best in whatever you do. i want to see you happy.
Just, just dont fall.
because i will no longer be there to lend you my hand.
it has disappeared.


i enjoyed the lone trip home tonight.
i will be able to walk home more often from now on. =)
it calms me down, i love the solitude.
where i frolick among the stray stars-
forever.


ay.starsplash.
keep close, dear stars.